You Have Not Made the Most out of your 20s

And you are not alone

When I was in my early 20s, I had this dreaded feeling that I was not enjoying “it” as much as I should be.

Every time I said my age, those older than me would say this was the best time of my life. “You have to make the most out of it”.

At the same time, I (and many of my friends) was completely overwhelmed by trying to juggle two degrees, one job, a limited social life and zero sleep.

As I approach the end of my 20s, I have become more comfortable in my skin and I have found myself much happier about this period of my life: I am much better off financially, my weekends are finally mine, and I can have a bit of work-life balance for the first time in my career.

But as I reflect on who I was some years ago, an idea constantly plays in my head: “Did I make the most out of it?”

“I think, for the majority of my twenties, I was always so concerned with what I didn’t have, or what I still wanted.”

-Adam Lambert

Have you wasted your 20s?

There is somebody ten years younger than you that is making ten times more money. You probably look at the person that bought bitcoin for $2 or invested in Tesla when their shares were worth $10 with a look of regret. You might wish you bought a house 20 years ago (yeah, when you were eight).

The modern world is constantly reminding us how we wasted time. The biggest selling strategy is the one built around FOMO: the Fear Of Missing Out, that makes you buy things we don’t need and consume content that only makes us feel worse.

Despite having multiple examples of people that have succeeded at different points in time, we have become obsessed with the idea of the teenage millionaire that started a business from their childhood bedroom, or the tech entrepreneur that bootstrapped their way to a multi-million close at the ripe age of 21.

Life is going a thousand miles a minute, so you need to become “something” earlier than ever.

Gone are the days of developing your expertise for years — in the age of information, you must know it all. At the end, it is all available.

Why your 20s are not it

There is something that only time can buy.

And that is experience.

We all have felt it — when you do something for the first time, it might be a bit uncomfortable and uncertain. You probably make mistakes that seem stupid to you when looking back.

Life is the same.

As we grow older, we are just learning how to “do” life (i.e. how to live).

Even if you can rely on people and resources to better guide you through life, there is a uniqueness in your human experience that will make it so that only YOU can truly learn how to live YOUR life.

And that learning comes with slowly, through experiences and time.

I recently read “The Defining Decade”, where the author puts a lot of emphasis on how whatever you do in your 20s will impact the rest of your life.

Whilst part of can be true (our current actions will impact one way or the other what happens in our future), I felt the speech was too negative — it seemed that unless you worked and were consistent in a career during your 20s, there is nothing you can do now: it is all lost.

Looking at what triggers regret, I believe this emphasis on our 20s is only a way to continue to be stuck in the past as a society. Nostalgia makes us believe that the past is always better. In reality, each situation is what we make of it.

As I look around me, I see exhaustion: we have seen the Great Resignation happen in the last two years, many of my friends mention to be constantly burnout, and all the senior women I admire recommend to “take things more slowly” and enjoy the process. The message is clear: slowing down, will do you good.

The moment is now

“Happiness comes out of being willing to do your work in your twenties to find out who you are, what you love.”

-Candace Bushnell

I don’t agree with this quote.

I think we have to continuously look and redefine who we are: life is a constant effort of experimenting and searching.

In fact, I believe this is where the mid-life crisis comes from: because we end up defining ourselves for decades by what we decided in a couple of years.

What you wanted in your 20s might not become what you want in the future.

It is pointless to wait for others to reassure us on what we want to pursue and what is going to define us.

And in order to be able to truly live your life, you need to understand the timeline you want to do it in. And you need to give yourself permission to change what you are going after again and again.

Somebody might be absolutely certain of what they want to pursue and achieve it by their 20s. That is great for them. But this might not be your reality and that is OK.

“Every moment is an opportunity to shed an old self to showcase the new.”

— Humble the poet

(I agree with this quote)

You can always change what you want to do and aim for something different. At the end of the day, if you decide it all in your 20s, what are you going to do for the rest of your life?

Chances are, you did not really “make it” in your 20s. But you can make it in your 30s, 40s, 50s… just by re-defining what “making it” means to you.

Now go inwards and see. It is never too late.