Don’t Change Yourself To Be Happy — Just Learn Your Lessons

Get up and do something about being unhappy

The world nowadays is full of self-help advice, gurus, spiritual retreats, immersive mental health programs — you name it. It might make you think something is wrong with you when you don’t embark on some kind of healing path.

Or, if you are on a healing path already, all these options might overwhelm you. When is it ever going to be enough? Will there be a time that the inner work is done and you can just ‘be’?

Learning the lessons

I have been walking the self-discovery path for three years now, and it has completely changed me. People who know me from the outside might not see this, but my inner landscape has turned around 180 degrees.

The truth, however, is that I didn’t even realize how unhappy I was before embarking on this journey. I thought I had my life together, was traveling the world and living in freedom.

But I kept getting into relationships that weren’t healthy, kept running away from my responsibilities, and was always chasing the next thing. When I reached that next thing though, the new next thing was already waiting.

I was looking for external happiness because I couldn’t find it within. The lessons kept presenting to me but I was blind to them. I told myself I had no reason to feel unhappy, especially since I was living such a perfect life.

But inside my mind, something was dying. My Soul was screaming to me to do something — and yet I kept silencing it. Looking back on it now, I had been unhappy for a long time already because I had lost the connection to my Soul.

Entering the Dark Night of the Soul

The biggest catalyst for embarking on my healing path was another failed relationship. Not just any relationship though, he was the ultimate mirror.

Our break-up brought me to my knees in getting to know myself. I had no idea how much I could get shattered by this experience. It made me realize how incredibly vulnerable I was. How nothing was left of myself to lean on.

It catapulted me into a Dark Night of the Soul, which is pretty much a spiritual depression. The curtains suddenly open and nothing makes sense anymore.

This stage stripped me from all my beliefs and conditioning about myself and it brought me into a deep desire for solitude. I started doing inner child work and shadow work which were paramount for my change.

Embrace the calling

I’ll be honest with you: embarking on this path is far from easy. In fact, it’s probably the hardest thing you will ever do. I know tons of people who scratched the surface of healing work and think it’s enough. Or they are just too afraid to let themselves fall into the depths, which is totally understandable.

But there is a reason why the lessons keep presenting themselves to you.

You need to start learning.

Feeling lonely, rejected, anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, like you are never good enough, abandoned, constantly triggered— all these emotions are there to be seen.

And they will keep showing up in your life if you don’t address them. You can distract yourself as much as you want, these feelings will always resurface again.

Live the life you are meant to live

You might think something is wrong with you for constantly having all these emotions. But the truth is, you don’t need to change who you are at all. You are good enough exactly the way you are — the problem is that you don’t know who you are.

You don’t know how to regulate your emotions. You don’t know how to choose for yourself or set healthy boundaries. You don’t know how to make choices that are good for you. And that is why the lessons keep coming back to you.

The good news is that you can learn all these things. You can learn how to deal with your triggers and what kind of growth they embody. You can learn to self-soothe and be in your body.

You can befriend your authentic Self and be at peace with who you truly are. The core of your suffering is your Soul being severed from your body. But it is dying to make its way back to you.

Embarking on the journey

Once you are ready to go deep into your psyche, be aware of the many sharks out there. You are going to be extremely vulnerable, which makes you a target for fake gurus who just want your money (or worse: make you into their cult slave).

Your intuition is your biggest friend here. When something feels off, acknowledge it. Your gut feeling is a powerful tool, don’t ignore it.

When healers and gurus are asking for a lot of money to embark on their course — be aware. Nothing is wrong with asking money for services, but an online course that promises you eternal happiness within a month for “just $1,999 USD” is bullshit.

If you don’t know where to begin, I would suggest finding ways to practice self-love first. Here is a great article to read if you are just getting started on your (spiritual) healing journey.

You are never done learning

You might wonder when you’re ever done learning. But the beauty of embarking on an inner-self journey is that you get excited about never being done.

A whole new consciousness is waiting to be discovered and there will never be a time you know enough. Because the more you know, the more you realize you have no idea what’s going on.

“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.” — Confucius

And that’s the best part about learning your lessons — your life suddenly starts to get meaning and you couldn’t be more excited about it.

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