Holidays/Self

You Don’t Have To Spend Another Holiday With People Who Make You Miserable

I’m here to make you feel better about that decision.

Your Mental Health Matters

Even though many of us are raised to believe that the holidays are a time when familial obligations are a priority over everything else, putting your mental and emotional health at risk for the sake of “family” doesn’t have to be a thing.

You don’t have to visit or host people who upset you — even for the holidays.

If you find yourself dreading the holidays because certain members of your family completely stress you out, make you feel angry, or cause you unnecessary emotional pain, then why do it?

There comes a time when you simply need to put your sanity above “family traditions.”

You may be exclaiming, “I can’t say no to my family — they will be angry with me and never forgive me!”

Well, that’s the thing. People who love you — even your family members — should respect and accept the decisions you make to keep yourself away from mental and emotional stress. They should understand that even though they may not like your decision — it may be what’s ultimately best for everyone involved.

The amount of inner turmoil caused by spending time with family members who completely stress you out versus the uncomfortableness you may feel simply saying no may be more harmful to your psyche.

You should do what your gut is telling you — and if your gut is telling you to skip awkward and distressing holiday get-togethers — do that. Make your own traditions. Decide what you want to do. Because you can.

Peace, Love & Joy?

I get it, the holidays are supposed to be about getting together, forgiving one another, and having peace and joy around the fireplace.

But what if you simply cannot get along with your family or other members of your family can’t get along with one another? What if the effort of trying to play peacemaker is utterly exhausting?

What if you and your grown siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, or other extended family members simply can’t be in the same room together without arguing about religion, politics, or some old-time family grudge?

What kind of peace and joy is that?

If the holidays are supposed to be about harmony then why not make it harmonious for yourself?

There is a special kind of joy that can only be obtained by asserting yourself and creating boundaries around events in your life, including the holidays. It’s not about being cruel or selfish to your family, it’s about doing what’s best not only for yourself but also perhaps also for others.

If the holidays are about giving, and you simply do not have anything to give when you’re around certain people, then perhaps you should do yourself and everyone else a favor and dedicate your time to doing the things you love and spending time with the people in your life who truly bring you a sense of happiness and joy.

You’re an Adult

Yes! You’re a bonafide adult now which means you get to make your own decisions regarding who you choose to spend time with and who you don’t — even during the holidays.

Sure, those family members with whom you don’t want to spend time may try to guilt-trip you or get angry — but if you are really and truly dreading the holidays because you simply can’t stand to be around certain people each year, why keep putting yourself through it?

As we get older and evolve as people, we need to start shedding that desire to gravitate towards unhealthy people-pleasing patterns for the sake of keeping the peace.

Continually placing yourself in situations you hate and then complaining about later borders on martyrdom which is not healthy.

So, pass on the drama, skip the martyrdom, ignore the guilt trips, and focus on creating new traditions with family or friends who make you feel glad it’s the holidays, who make you feel excited to celebrate with, and who truly manifest a sense of thankfulness in your life.

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