You Can Win NaNoWriMo and Still Feel like you Lost

What participating in NaNoWriMo taught me about my writing process

Last year this time, I was participating in NaNoWriMo — National Novel Writing Month (November).

The weeks before, I plotted my story. On the 1st of November, I was armed and motivated to win NaNoWriMo.

You learn immensely about yourself as a writer participating in sprint writings, especially one like this. The more important lesson I learned — or better saying: the one I confirmed — was that I am not one to finish a draft under pressure.

Before the challenge, I’d written two novels, using the same system: I edited each chapter before writing the following one. This goes against everything I’ve come to learn: no editing while writing! But at the time, I didn’t know better.

While having each chapter edited made me write the next one with a sensation of “you have it under control”, I was cutting my writing flow. This technique gave me a sense of safety but it murdered the thrill.

Editing chapter by chapter was productive: I was never demotivated, I kept writing and editing, chapter after chapter. However, I felt I wasn’t writing withing my potential — by cutting my writing flow to edit, I was abdicating of intense and raw writing.

When, in October 2018, the #writingcommunity on Twitter became on fire with the expectation of NaNoWriMo, I got curious about it. Being one that can’t say no to a good challenge, I decided to go for it: I would draft a 50.000 words novel in 30 days. With this, I’d achieve two goals I’ve wanted for a while: to write a new book, using a new system.

I won NaNoWriMo, and I was proud of myself: it was hard to conciliate a full-time job, my Tinnitus and sprint-writing. But I did it. Even if I hadn’t won, just the fact of trying was good enough for me.

After finishing the draft, I never touched it again. I stepped back to have a break, but I never returned. One of the reasons was that I need to feel, to be involved with the characters, to savour their pains and passions. I need to create the conflict inside me so that I can write it accurately: to make the reader feel, I, myself, have to feel it. I barely had that during NaNoWriMo.

Writing under pressure of word-counting is counterproductive

A writer with my profile, as you might understand (and even relate), takes time writing. Sometimes I stare at the screen while zipping my red wine, giving time for the music to flood me. I need time to tune with the mood necessary to write that scene/topic. As so, for me, writing under pressure on word-counting is counterproductive.

I knew this about myself before NaNoWriMo, but I wanted to try something new. And I was eager to write a new novel, so this worldwide event was the perfect occasion.

The reason for my draft died after NaNoWriMo died was disappointment. I wasn’t happy with the result, I never got time — or availability — to properly connect with the characters: to become them. My only focus was to write as many words as possible. Of course, I wrote amazing scenes, my characters evolved, and some of the conflicts I plotted ended well written. But, in general, my draft was a failure.

I know the first draft is supposed to suck; I have no expectations about it. But what happened was lack of connection. I didn’t have time to write with passion — to live for my story. What I did during the 30 days of NaNoWriMo was dumping ideas into the screen, with the main purpose of word-counting.

Don’t get me wrong: I will participate in NaNoWriMo again, I loved the adrenaline, and to be part of the writing community living and breathing the challenge. I will, however, previously dedicate more time plotting. That way, when I start drafting, I’ll have, at least, the characters built, ready to grow and gain personality: them, alone, and them in me.

Last week, I returned to my NaNoWriMo draft: I’m reading it, taking notes and creating new ideas. I love the story I created; it’s one I certainly want to write. Meaning: it’s one I want to feel while writing.

Like readers transfer themselves into the book while reading it, writers do the same while writing.

NaNoWriMo taught me a few lessons about motivation, persistence and, more important: about my writing process. I am not a fast writer, I take time building my characters, elaborating conflicts and describing scenes — my less favourite part. Before, this made me feel a less-competent writer (damn the comparisons!), now it makes me proud: I am a unique writer.

My writing process is my own; one I created with experience, and by reading books on the craft.

I might not be a high-productive writer, but I am a fiction writer and, for me, that is a success.