You Are A Medium Writer

Famished for claps

you are a Medium writer, you’ve published 230 pieces and have 91 aborted drafts —

half-baked stories, languishing, stuck inside the birth canal, uncertain, tentative, shy —

like this questionable piece, for example — this poem without a point or plot,

this uncooked, ungrateful poem that can’t find a rhythm or narrative arc, a sort of

meandering, commiserating poem, grasping at straws, appealing to the pathetic life of poets —

as you are banking on the certainty there are other poets famished for claps, with their crucified poems on their uniform white walls

you are a Medium writer — you bow for views, dance for clicks and claps, like a circus entertainer, look at me!

your stories have a 3 day shelf life before they are buried in online oblivion

nobody visits that graveyard, not even your estranged parents

there is no hierarchy of quality on your wall, and little rhyme or reason

some of your best pieces have the least amount of claps

although sometimes a piece you are proud of does go viral — externally, pennilessly viral

fortune has a way of sticking her malicious tongue out at the already unfortunate

who doesn’t like to take a good kick at a dead horse?

you are a Medium writer, you have not found a better platform for your ambitions

you don’t have an agent, you don’t have connections, and you also don’t ghost write for narcissists and sociopaths

you are a Medium writer — you try to raise your green graphs up from the dead

you try satire, confession, humiliation — but the sound that comes back is still the tinkling of coins

you are a Medium writer — today you just got followed by a listicle-writing robot who joined yesterday, fresh off a purchase of 1k clean followers

despite the robot writing ten listicles in one day about mastering, climbing, winning, orgasming and overcoming —

he, or it, went on a clapping frenzy all over your poetry about failure and humiliation —

birds of a feather, right?

you pay a visit to AI, you check ChatGPT to see if it’s improved its robot verse —

nope, still writing hallmark cards that can only impress IT types who don’t write poetry

you are a Medium writer, and now you have to go back to your real job

where writing poetry is not on the list of your KPIs, and the only clapping you receive is a clap on the ears from an angry screaming customer—

and yet the green graphs tend to grow far higher over there — you can even afford to buy yourself a second cappuccino

© Carlo Zeno 2023

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This is my questionable response to Patrick Eades’ writing challenge he floated ages ago regarding our drafts folder. I couldn’t be bothered listing any of my draft titles, so I wrote this instead.

Thank you to The Haven. Check out these two wickedly funny pieces from Miss Catherine La Grange, spinster and Smillew Rahcuef below 👇

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