Writing About Sex Improves My Sex Life

And so does reading about it

There are numerous sexual health benefits to reading and writing transparently about sex in all its naked glory — the beautiful, the painful, and — at times — the hilarious.

There will always be those who think nonfiction essays on the personal sexual experience are just a little too personal, a little too vulnerable or honest.

And those who are a bit more squeamish about natural human sexual urges often criticize sex writers when we’re too explicit. If we’re talented enough in our ability to use descriptive language and vivid imagery to really bring a scene to life in a reader’s mind, we might turn someone on.

We might provoke a reader to feel something — gasp — sexual, when what we should be doing is educating a reader about sex.

I believe the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Producing well-written content on sex makes me feel sexy

To be perfectly honest, I’m not what one would traditionally define as “sexy” — as varied and subjective as that definition may be.

I wear thick librarian glasses with a high prescription. I have freckles. Thick, frizzy brown hair that has a mind of its own and takes a gallon of product to control. More belly rolls than any one person has use for. Oh, and I’m rocking a hot little pair of bunny teeth (my two front teeth are slightly longer than the others).

But I’ll be the sexiest damn bunny around — because my passion for crafting sensual, honest and sometimes erotic written observations on sex and sexuality boosts my sexual prowess in a major way.

Writing well-researched blog posts about things like the sometimes elusive female orgasm, clitoral stimulation techniques, where I like a man to ejaculate on me, or how I like to be dominated in a sexual context but not within a relationship allows me to introspectively analyze my likes and dislikes.

The benefits of writing about sex are glorious. And in many cases, reading about sex can provide a lot of the same benefits. I’ve outlined a few of the best ones below.

Writing helps me work out my yearning for sexual exploration

I’m the first to admit that I’m not fully satisfied with my sex life. I want more. More what, you might ask? Something outside the realm of monogamy — though I can’t quite define what that would look like just yet.

I’m also a complete neurotic, and decision-making is not my strong suit. At least I’m self-aware of it, which seems to be one advantage of my many neuroses. If I’m unsure about a certain sexual fantasy I’d like to make reality (there are plenty), writing it out allows me the opportunity to order my thoughts and make more informed decisions.

I get a cathartic release from bringing a memory to life through the written word

It’s not an easy task, as some parts of a memory are more about feelings than what can be described. Transferring these feelings into words in a way that both makes sense and evokes the reader to experience emotion is the most challenging part of writing. For me, at least. Reflecting on a past event that had a profound effect on me and putting it to a form that either I or a reader can grasp is downright meditative.

The research portion of my process teaches me so much

Not only do I learn by observing my own experience, I also learn by reading all kinds of literature surrounding sex and sexuality. My close, personal friends know I would love to someday go into the field of sex therapy and become a counselor.

I’ll wait until I pay off my current student loan debts before even thinking about building up more, but I just love learning all I can about sex in all its forms — both the physical and psychological elements. Educational articles published in academic journals, erotic personal essays, studies recorded by credible institutions — there is something to be gained in both well-researched academia as well as pure, feeling-driven prose meant to tantalize. It’s a valuable learning experience — and it makes me that much more knowledgable and prepared when it comes to my exploration in the bedroom.

Writing about sex is a surefire way to boost my libido

Many times I’ve found myself working on my laptop in public, in a coffee shop, writing an article on sex. The need to cross my legs and try to quell the ache between my thighs comes often when I write about certain kinks and desires, and I chuckle to myself because no one around me has a clue how hot and bothered I’m getting.

Sending stories to my partner improves our communication in bed

Here’s a fun little secret: I don’t write explicitly and honestly about sex just for the money. The way it’s been enhancing sex in my relationship has been far more enjoyable than earning a little extra cash.

As I mentioned, since I’ve started writing about sex, I want it more often. This has been a blessing, especially because before I started writing, my libido was at an unhealthy and all-time low.

And, since I show him what I write, he wants it a hell of a lot more often, too. It’s mutually beneficial to both of us. I think the same can be said for sharing great pieces of sex writing in general. I’ll often send him articles about things I’m interested in, whether I wrote it or not. It’s a great conversation starter and produces some pretty hot dialogue between us.

The other night, he and I were having sex. It was in the wee hours of the morning on a weekend. I’d been drinking quite a bit. We were both exhausted. He came inside me. He didn’t do anything to ensure that I, too, got to experience an orgasm before, during, or after intercourse. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to come. We both fell asleep.

The next day, we talked about it. It wasn’t hard to do. We’ve been talking about sex a whole lot more since he’s been reading my work.

The following night, he went down on me for a full twenty minutes before he fucked me. He had no problem showering my clitoris with his oral ministrations and pumping my cunt with his fingers for that long — right up until my knees began to wobble and I pressed his head harder against me as I came against his lips in an intense, satisfying, long-lasting orgasm.

This “talking about it” thing — this is key. Sex isn’t going to be perfect every time, but being able to communicate our needs, our desires, or when things aren’t all that fantastic and there’s room for improvement — being able to do this with your partner is vital in making the sex between you as incredible as it can possibly get.

A much-needed confidence boost

I was often teased for my looks in school. When a gal grows up hearing the other boys and girls call her ugly more times than she can count, it really stunts her confidence.

Books were my friends. Pages and pages of words took me to worlds far more exciting than my own, and even though I was sad and felt like a strange little monster among my peers at times, I’m glad I discovered my deep love of storytelling. It made me smarter. It helped me discover my passion for writing. It helped me hone my talent. And being made fun of pushed me to that.

Right about when I hit the tenth grade, when some morbid kind of ugly duckling transformation happened and boys started doing the exact opposite of what I was used to, I didn’t know how to handle the attention. I guess I handled it by dating the wrong men just because the liked me. By marrying the wrong man because he showered me with affection, at first.

Though the teasing from my awkward days still sometimes has me questioning why anyone would ever be attracted to me, my writing helps me feel like a goddess of sex.

I am Aphrodite. Love handles and all.

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