Billionaires are angels that got kicked out of heaven

Would You Like To Become a Slave for Billionaires?

Join us at The Blue Diamond School of Slaves For Billionaires!

Finding people who can clean antiques, cook Eggs Benedict blindfolded, and arrange the forks at an exact 182-degree angle to the plates is easy. Of course, we teach these skills, but what truly matters to be a successful butler for billionaires is the ability to demonstrate submission.

And with the number of billionaires increasing, there’s more demand for quality personnel.

That’s why we created The Blue Diamond School of Slaves For Billionaires.

The first thing we teach is that butler is an antiquated term that does not convey the values we want our students to embody.

The word “slave” is much better.

Prior experience in the service industry is appreciated, but there’s a fundamental difference you need to understand. In the service industry, servers make (about) the same money as their clients. Maybe there’s a rare client who makes twenty times more and is ready to spend the server’s monthly salary on a single meal, but that’s not the same as serving someone whose net worth is more than 10,000 years of your annual salary.

If a billionaire spent a waiter’s average monthly salary every day of his life, he would still have $800 million in his bank account when he dies aged 100 years old.

See, that’s a different scale.

It’s not your regular “rich” customer burning $5,000 in one night every other month.

That’s why billionaires have different expectations. A regularly wealthy customer will tolerate looks of defiance in the restaurant’s staff because they know the roles could be reversed tomorrow or in five years.

“Rich” lasts a few years to a lifetime. “Billionaire” is for generations.

They’re the new royalty

They have received the “divine right of billionaires” from the Capital Market Gods. Peasants (aka non-billionaires) cannot judge them. It would be sacrilege. Even writing about the idea is akin to lease-majesty. We have to do it in the context of this introductory course because too many people on the planet still think billionaires are just humans like them who got lucky.

When, in fact, they are the Chosen people who will survive tomorrow’s apocalypse thanks to their technologically enhanced bodies and brains.

I know “apocalypse” sounds scary, but what if I told you there’s a way to avoid it? Even if you’re not a billionaire. (And if you’re reading this, there’s about zero chance you’re one.)

They need slaves

Of course, billionaires could use robots to do all their tasks, but where would be the fun? If there’s no audience, there’s no show. Billionaires need people to look at them with a mix of envy and fear. That’s how they can exist and enjoy their billionaire lifestyle.

What’s the point of flying to Mars if nobody’s there to watch you walk your first step on the red planet? It’s a shit planet where nothing or nobody will ever be able to live except for a few weeks or months in uncomfortable artificial basecamps.

It will never compare to life on Earth. Everybody knows that.

Particularly the billionaires you’ll be working for. It can be hard to believe, but they’re not stupid. They’re showmen. There’s always a reason for what they’re doing, and it’s usually (always) money.

Wouldn’t you feel special if you could sit behind a billionaire while traveling full speed on a dick rocket aiming at the red planet?

I know I would!

If all this sounds exciting, you’re the kind of person we want to hire. And if you think you’re better than that, you’ll change your mind when billionaires finally own your house, car, job, and fridge.

Would you rather be dead or alive and slaving for a billionaire? The choice is easy. I know which one I made!

What are you waiting for?

Apply now to be a billionaire’s slave! And don’t worry! There’s space for everyone.

We have a few billion open positions at the moment.

84% of Billionaires’ slaves recommend subscribing to Smillew’s Top Hat Seminar on Substack. But you do you.