Women Who Hate Women
A disturbing look into the MRA group, Mothers of Sons.
Recently I read an insightful piece written by the brilliant and incredibly talented Sarah J. Baker on misogyny terrorism. I was particularly interested in her thoughts on the groups that form on social media and dark corners of web that provide a place where angry and disenfranchised men find relevance and community.
Relevance and community that morphs into radicalization and action against what these men consider to be their enemy.
That enemy of course is the feminist movement.
Her story caused me to reflect on my own experience and the bizarre and rapid path to the Men’s Rights Movement that my ex-husband took following our separation.
I vividly remember a friend sending me a screenshot of one of many posts that my ex shared in the weeks after I escaped. Screenshots from Facebook groups like Domestic Violence Against Men.
To use my friends words, ‘if I hadn’t been observing the way he spoke to you and put you down for years, if I didn’t know you, I would have thought that he was the one who had escaped from you’.
After controlling my life, violating me sexually, depriving me of sleep, isolating me from family and almost eradicating my whole identity, his answer to my escape was to turn the tables and assume the role of victim.
And if you had never met me, I have no doubt he could convince you that I was domestic abuser of the worse kind.
The woman kind.
Sarah included in her story a reference to one anti-women group that I had not heard of, Mothers of Sons. I checked out their Facebook page and it took exactly two seconds to find the evidence of men’s rights propaganda, it’s right there in the first post.
But I’ll come to that. First let’s talk about what they profess to be. Mothers of Sons claim to be hurting mothers of hurting men who have had their lives destroyed by unfair, anti-male workplaces and legal systems. If you check out their website you will see that while to the uninitiated, it might appear to be a genuine resource for struggling men, it’s actually a breeding ground for misogynistic propaganda.
You don’t have to dig too far to see that whilst one of their biggest gripes is what they consider to be be an epidemic of false claims of domestic violence against men by women, the truth is they don’t even understand what domestic abuse is.
When Mothers of Sons launched their website earlier this year, news.com.au ran a story of an interview with the group’s founder Jo Thompson-Jones. Speaking about women making allegations against men, she said this:
Therein lies the problem. They are so ignorant of the insidious nature of domestic abuse, the sense of entitlement that is deeply entrenched within the psyche of the controlling man, that they think that tangible proof of abuse is synonymous with the truth of the allegations.
I don’t know anyone that is ignorant enough to believe that it is reasonable to expect that an abused woman would be able to produce evidence, in the absence of broken bones and bruises, of the abuse that she has suffered.
I’m also comforted by the reality that I do not know any men who believe that to keep women under control is the God-given right of a man. I struggle to think of a man who I personally know, apart from my ex-husband of course, who genuinely believes that there is an epidemic of women making false allegations of domestic violence.
This is where the delusion of the Mothers of Sons shines brightest. They are incapable of accepting that their precious baby boys have grown into misogynistic abusers who are terrorizing their female partners, and often their children as well.
They can’t accept it, so instead they become an agent for the abuser, perpetuating the damage that has already been caused.
Perpetuators of domestic violence myths.
Mothers of violent sons who band together provide a fertile breeding ground for MRA propaganda, in this case two major myths:
- That women commonly use false allegations of domestic violence to bolster their position in Family Courts and hurt men by making it harder for them to see their children; and
- That one in three domestic violence victims are male.
Whilst some women do make false allegations, and some domestic violence victims are male (although usually at the hands of other men), the epidemic of violence against women, in my country Australia, and across the world cannot be understated.
Despite wide spread education campaigns, such as Australia’s ‘Unmute Yourself’, the reality is that many men still think it is their birthright to control women’s lives and coerce them into subordination.
And men who hate women love to use women to perpetuate their agenda.
An agenda based on falsity that aims to keep men protected from having their abusive behavior brought into the light, from being held accountable for their life-destroying behavior.
But what about Mothers, who just care about their sons and grandchildren?
It sounds wholesome enough, women who are watching their sons going through traumatic relationship breakdowns agonizing over being separated from their children.
But is helping mothers to support their sons, sons who are going through a tough time, really what Mothers of Sons are about?
Let’s see.
This isn’t a one-off. Spend some time scrolling through the Facebook page of Mothers of Sons and you will find numerous examples of MRA propaganda. Where Mothers of Sons differs from the more obvious MRA groups, like Domestic Violence Awareness Australia though, is their focus on on what they see as the problem of the ‘high-standards’ held by too many women, and why the ‘feminizing of schools and universities are to blame’.
This isn’t an attitude that is confined to MRA social media groups, it’s rampant in our community. Recently I was preparing a Will for a client in her late 60’s. Our conversation regarding her family led to her saying that she didn’t think her son, in his mid-40’s would ever marry and have children because ‘women these days are just too fussy’.
I was astounded. My failure to be ‘fussy’ is what destroyed more than 20 years of my life.
It pressed my intrigue button, as have the Mothers of Sons. What makes women resent women for either not being prepared to marry mediocre men, or for escaping from these men when they become abusive?
What is going on?
This comment from a male follower of the group, provides an interesting insight.
My theory is that these women are living an unfulfilled life (or worse), but lack the resolve or strength to change it. They settled, they regret it, and they resent those who value their lives enough to hold to their standards of what is and isn’t acceptable.
These bitter mothers resent the women who have the gall to leave their precious boys, likely because they exhibit a courage that they themselves do not have.
No doubt they also struggle to accept that the boy they birthed is anything less than perfect.
No one spreads misery like a miserable person.
My story — Mothers and their boys.
My first husband and I started fighting early in our relationship. Looking back I understand that the fights started when I expressed any desire to do anything independently of him. I’m talking reading a book (he couldn’t read), or going shopping on my own. In the early days, before my defenses were completely eroded I would stand up to him, and a fight would result.
And he would invariably call his mother.
She would drive the five minutes from her house to ours and lecture me about not ‘understanding him’ and ‘setting him off’.
You don’t have to ask, I wonder all the time why the heck I stayed.
She died many years before I escaped, but I can only imagine the wrath I would have copped, had she still been around.
Exposing MRA groups, for what they really are.
Groups like Mothers of Sons are wolves in sheep’s clothing. MRA activists are exploiting the internalized misogyny in miserable women to perpetuate their dangerous agenda.
They are clueless about domestic violence, coercive control and Family Courts.
They are simply a mouthpiece piece for misogyny terrorism.
They are nothing but noise.
