DATING OVER 50

Women Over 50 Put Toes in the Dating Pool Even When There’s Pee In It

Single life is looking better and better from the water’s edge

Dating is not easy regardless of age. However, what the hell happened during the last 30 years that I haven’t been involved?

I think I’m good at watching others date from my lounge chair, raft, or from the Snack Bar.

I am not sure what I was thinking.

Maybe the planets weren’t aligned and I went through a crazy time.

You know, the kind of crazy that makes you think you’re ready to date.

My inner voice said, do it! What do you have to lose? You’re young(ish), vibrant, full of life, and enjoy companionship.

So, I listened. What if it was a divine message from an angel whispering on my shoulder? I took the leap.

I soared like an eagle and I jumped from the high diving board!

And, as I cut through the water to come up to the surface, something was different. Very, very, different.

There was a distinct odor that could not be dismissed.

The pool waters of the past had been sullied.

Is that pee?

Shell shocked at what I found, instant confusion took over, and I started to run.

My Simple Guide to Get Past a First Date

• Locker room talk
• Picture requests
• Unresolved Issues
• Pee in the pool

Locker Room

I appreciate that you felt an instant connection. I may have, too. Somehow though, if you tapped into who I am, you wouldn’t make a huge leap into hard-core, slightly or grossly graphic, conversations.

I don’t care about your testicles.

Not yet, anyway, and I can say with assurance that I never will because I felt devalued by your rush to explain your manliness.

Can you think any less of me?

We only spoke for a few hours.

Maybe we even shared food and drink. Whatever.

Nothing in a few hours qualifies for extreme intimate conversation. If I didn’t start it, it is advisable to rein in speaking to me like one of the guys in the locker room.

Picture Requests

Please stop asking for pictures. I still look the same as I did a few hours ago on our first date. When I told you I have no desire to take selfies to send you, why won’t you believe me and stop there?

I. Don’t. Want. To.

If you disregard my simple request, so early in the game, how do you expect me to have any trust that you’ll respect future denials or pleas?

It’s not the pictures I care about but your incessant requests. If it makes me uncomfortable, isn’t that enough of an explanation?

I’d be happier getting to know you than to stare at pictures of you on my phone.

Unresolved Issues

I get it.

We have a lot of baggage at our ages.

We all do.

But, I am not your counselor.

Sharing is caring, yeah, yeah, yeah. I promise I care and will most likely have a willing ear, offer a hug or 7 thousand, and will give you a shoulder to cry on.

But, please.

Can you wait to unload?

Brevity about your relationship background is best in the beginning stages. Just a recap will do nicely. Nitty-gritty details can come out later, in time.

Keep your hate at bay, especially in regard to your children’s mom.

Horror stories about your prior dates can be fun. I love to laugh. However, limit them and read the room.

Maybe only a couple of fun ones, right out of the gate, and please leave the name-calling out of it completely.

Never tell me how she was fatter, uglier, or less intelligent than she portrayed. Unless you want to sound like and think like a jerk, don’t degrade any woman.

We aren’t in 2nd grade anymore and it won't be considered harmless.

Pee in The Pool

Dating over 50 comes with challenges I did not anticipate.

The dating pool was warm, and I hadn’t considered it wasn’t due to the sun.

When we don’t click there may be more reasons than you’ve investigated. It always amazes me when you have no insight and rely on these old labels:

• I am not a bitch because I didn’t cave to your wishes for a subservient future partner.
• I am not a prude because I never responded to your ‘selfie’ that didn’t even show your face.
• I am not cold because I mentally checked out of the conversations that were all about you, for hours.

These statements are your ego speaking and smack of gaslighting. I actually have boundaries and make no apologies for them.

Helpful hints

Slow down, cowboys. We can’t possibly plan the future you immediately dive into, especially if your vision is about me taking care of you.

Even though we’re older and feel like time is running out, I won’t race to the relationship finish line.

I can’t.

It is not as widely acceptable anymore to consider life duties as gender-specific. Yes, we came from an era when many women were ’homemakers.’

It may be uncomfortable for you, but awareness and a dash of progressive thinking go a long way with me. Life has changed.

I am tired of cleaning up after everyone.

Cooking is enjoyable until it’s considered my job.

The more you try to ‘lock me down’ without taking time to even know me, the faster I will run. Think of it as a dog peeing to mark their territory.

I am not a tree.

I am a human.

With a brain.

I have a backbone and strength, and yet, I am warm and loving.

‘Surviving well’ is my middle name. Maybe other women you’ve encountered want to take the back seat but I prefer to be a side-by-side partner.

I am me, and only me. Lumping and generalizing all women and their desires together is not only illogical but lacks sincerity.

You can’t know any of that if you don’t take the time to learn.

Respect me by getting to know me.

It amazes me that I am such an open book and willing to share. And yet, so many men don’t want to know anything beyond their wants and needs.

Somehow I am expected to be okay with that.

I’m not.

I love to swim, really I do.

But not when you’ve peed in the pool.

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