Women Don’t Want Beta Males — Your Ultimate Guide to Being an Alpha Male
Embrace your healthy masculine energy
Beta males are leeches on women. I was one of them. And you don’t have to be.
“You spend a lot of time with your mom,” a teammate said to me just before a high school football game. I embarrassingly smiled and slinked away — he was right.
Are you overly fake “nice” towards women, with the hope they will like you?
Do you smile and apologize a lot to women?
Are you secretly having to beg for sex?
If so, you may be a beta male.
The solution to this debilitating relational disease is identifying the root cause and following the direct path to being an alpha male.
Curls get the girls
When I was in high school, I didn’t get any attention from females. I was ultra skinny, had a pimple-filled face, and had a mullet haircut.
I was so skinny that my nickname at high school was Skeletor from the Master of the Universe series. They said I was a bag of bones.
During my early 20s, I changed that because I wanted to have sex and the attention of females. While getting bigger didn’t solve all my beta male problems, there were some benefits.
- Presence — When you are bigger, you take up more space and get noticed.
- Other men respect — When other men see you as an equal, they don’t consider putting you down as an option.
- Attention — You get the attention of women when you are fitter and buffed.
While external appearance has its benefits, make the internal shift from beta to alpha, and your life will dramatically change in a number of areas:
- Sex — No longer begging for sex, as a woman wants to have sex with you.
- Work — Your manager at work doesn’t boss you around.
- Confrontation — You will experience more confrontation, but you negotiate from a position of strength. Thus, getting your needs met.
- Role model — Other men will look to you for leadership. And copy your behaviors.
When you embody your masculine energy, you are:
- Independent — No approval is required to follow your dreams. No longer seeking approval from authoritative figures.
- Self-sufficient — You come to know you have everything you need inside yourself. You get your own needs met.
- Courage through facing your fears — You do risky behaviors. But not in an unsafe way.
- Life purpose — You know your life purpose and stop following others.
Mommy’s boy
I heard my sister say to my nephew the other day that he was a mummy’s boy and I cringed.
Why?
Because that was me. I was suffering from what Freud called the Oedipus Complex.
In Greek mythology, Oedipus, the king of Thebes, unknowingly killed his father and married his mother. Freud says a boy can develop an unconscious infatuation with his mom and sees his dad as a rival.
My dad and grandfather weren’t there in the way I needed. All of my teachers during elementary school were female.
I didn’t have strong male figures available to learn how to be a man. You may have been the same.
Bad boys, artists, and rock stars
It’s not always the reality of a situation that attracts a woman to a man.
Why are women attracted to assholes and the lead singer in a band? Because they are free and wild. Untethered and not bonded by societal rules.
While I am not promoting any social behavior, the key is they have a dream, and even if they are chasing it in an unhealthy way.
It’s more attractive than the beta male who sits at home on the couch watching porn and who is critical and judgmental of others.
That they have a purpose, and drive and are out in the world following their dream is attractive. They sell a dream to the woman that they will be famous and rich one day. And they believe it.
“Please, sir, may I have some more”
If you are like Oliver Twist, you may have turned into a beggar.
Indirectly pleading for female attention and the respect of your male peers.
This can take the form of being a people-pleaser. Being a people-pleaser is an insidious disease.
The roots of being a people pleaser sit with your internalized toxic shame.
You made an incorrect assessment of yourself as being a deep-floor human being when you were a child. That there was something wrong with you as a human being.
After doing a psychedelic, I came away with the insight of having wronged my father. That I took him away from his life goals. I remember saying towards the end of the experience “Ï am sorry dad, I am sorry dad.”
I went to my mom to investigate this further.
“When I was born, did I take dad away from doing the things that he wanted to do in life?” I inquired of my mom.
“No,” calmly replied my mom, much to my disappointment.
I was so sure my insight was correct. Instead of pushing the point, I thought I will give my mom some space and see what else came.
“He was resentful towards you because you took me away from him”, mom explained how when I was born, her attention shifted from my dad to me. Dad would tell my mom to sit on the couch next to him and not pick me up when I was crying in the cot.
It’s not that I took him away from following his dreams, he saw me as cock blocking him from his wife, my mom.
There wasn’t anything wrong with me. It was him, not me. There was no need to feel ashamed of whom I am.
A sense of freedom can come from a realization of truth.
What is your inner toxic shame? Where does it come from?
Practical steps
Being a beta male is like walking around having an 8mm held at your throat from morning to night.
You know what I mean, by being overly self-conscious and doubting your ability to make decisions, fear of what people think of you so you don’t act, and being scared to express yourself.
Learn to turn the knobs. Some mindsets and behaviors need to be eliminated (over time) and others need to be adopted (patiently.)
Semen retention practice
Start this immediately, but do a 30-day challenge as a starting point.
To change your life, you need a lot of energy. One of the biggest losses of energy is through ejaculation.
Learning the principles of non-ejaculation will also help stop watching pornography.
If internet porn consumption is a problem for you, you are not alone. It’s debilitating, but a semen retention practice will kick it to the curb.
Stop being a people-pleaser
As a please-pleaser, you unconsciously set up unspoken agreements with women.
Your contract states:
If I agree with everything, you say.
Let you treat me like a doormat.
Let you demasculinize me.
I then hope you will accept and give me (pseudo-) love.
You have 3 options:
- Cut them out of your life.
- Relate to them differently.
- A combination of both. You let them leave your life and you reconnect when you are comfortable letting them back in.
Know that changing relationships will create conflict. Therefore, you need to stand your ground.
Big boss
A cognitive-behavioral psychologist told me there is never a time not to assert yourself. At the time I found thought that was a bit much! Now I agree.
This is terrifying for the beta male. You can learn to do this and it takes time and self-compassion.
What to do:
- Have a strong desire to change.
- Defined goals that you want to achieve.
- A method to express your needs. The safest and most effective method is Non-violent communication.
Asserting yourself will attract people to you. Because people are clear about what you want and how you are going to get it.
A please-pleaser is disorganized and manipulative. You are doing other people a disservice by trying to make them happy.
Their happiness is their responsibility. As is your happiness yours.
Act in the world
Get out and do things that scare you and take you beyond your limited definition of yourself.
Go to the gym, spend time with other men through men’s groups (don’t judge other men look to connect), or take up running. I recently went on an overnight solo hike.
Conquer things that scare you.
Excessive politeness
In an interaction, there is no need to say please and thank you more than once. Anyone more than once you are saying it for your sake, not theirs.
Excessive smiling
There is no need to be continually smiling like the Cheshire cat from Alice and wonderland. I am not saying do the opposite and walk around with a scroll, either.
Smile when required and nothing more.
Get your Barry White on
Similar to how you speak to a baby, a beta male will change their voice to a higher tone thinking it to be less aggressive and hence more appealing — done unconsciously.
Drop your energy into your legs and into the earth. Talk out of your belly and let yourself sound like a man.
Resources
There are several useful resources to help you reclaim your power.
- Mind Kind Project — A men’s group established to transition you through to being a man. I have done their basic weekend workshop and can thoroughly recommend it.
- The School of Lost Borders — Meredith Little has been doing writers of passage work that started in the 70s with her late husband. If you feel you are a boy in a man’s body, they do a passage of rights ritual to facilitate the transition.
- Voice training — If your balls haven’t dropped (or even if they have) Roger Love is the King for getting into your manly baritone voice. I did his basic training over 15 years ago and it was a game-changer.
Flick the pages
- Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw — Is a timeless personal development book that cuts straight to the root of toxic shame. How it manifests and what to do about it.
- No More Mr. Nice Guy — This book can help with dropping your neediness by instructing you to carry out exercises to move you beyond your timidness and neediness.
- Models: Attract Women through Honesty — You no doubt have heard of Mark Mason from his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. But this book was his first real success. This teaches you to build an attractive and fulfilling lifestyle. And as a consequence women with being attracted to you. As opposed to you chasing them with gimmicky pickup lines.
- The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman — In this classic GS Youngblood takes on you on a journey that outlines a 3-step process to embody your masculine energy practically. No false alpha bravo or wussy spiritual stuff.
- The Way of the Superior Man — This cult classic by David Deida started the mass movement of teaching men to understand the polarity of energy that exists between a man and a woman. David explains how women try to steal your power and teaches how to stand your ground with integrity and support your woman.
First, commit to the process of claiming your masculinity. Then address your internalized shame that lies at the root of being a beta male.
Owning your masculine power isn’t about being overly aggressive or being an asshole. It’s about taking back your power by dropping your people pleasing ways and acting from the place of who you are at your essence.
A woman can be satisfied by being in a relationship and caring for her family. While this is important to a man also, you also need a life purpose.
Ferociously follow your life’s purpose amid life’s challenges, in the process, you will reclaim your masculinity. And in so doing gain the respect and adoration of women.