Women Don’t Like Fucking Men Who Are Quiet During sex
Read on to find out why.
I was once with a man who was quiet as a church mouse. Each time we engaged in fellacio he would he would hold his breath and clench his jaws in an attempt to keep his cool. When a hiss escaped his lips he would quickly contain himself. It was a buzz kill because he spent more energy keeping his cool than enjoying sex.
I wanted him to lose control, to break all barriers and just be in the moment. But he couldn’t. And I couldn’t bring myself to ask him either. Sex became a war of wills. His will to contain himself and my will to do whatever I could to make him explode. Only problem is my pleasure didn’t fit into that equation. Sex became a chore and I lost interest.
It turned out most men “kept their cool”.
What I found interesting was that our closest living relative didn’t. A short video clip shown to me my colleague majoring in Zoology showed a male thrusting away as he groaned and grunted in pleasure while the female moaned and screamed grabbing him tighter as though to go deeper.
What grabbed my attention was not much the mating style but rather how the male was just as immersed in pleasure as the female. And he was expressing it.
This was sex in its pure form one not tainted by gender roles or scripted by porn, I thought to myself. In no time a surge of dopamine flooded my brain, I felt good.
I wanted sex with a man who could lose himself in the moment.
Even the smallest mammal knows not to hold back during sex. A study published in the Journal of Behavioral and Neural biology studied the sexual behavior of house male mice.
They reported that vocalizations were the highest after the male sniffed the female. It continued when he mounted her. The sounds intensified with each pelvic thrust and ceased after ejaculation.
The point is, even the male house mice vocalize pleasure during sex.
If only men knew that auditory stimulation is key to better sex.
It adds to the sexual experience and increases arousal. The mmmmhs, aaaaaahs, sighs, and groans create a powerful positive feedback effect that intensifies sex. Countless women have reported feeling intense sexual pleasure with expressive men.
However, porn paints a different picture. Porn portrays male sexuality as stoic, non-expressive, and disengaged, making the average man a silent fucker. Seriously, browse on any porn site, you’ll find countless male stars silently pounding away as though their sex role was only physical while the female stars vocalized their pleasure.
Such scenes put me off because a lack of vocalization implied that men weren’t fully engage in sex, making the whole encounter less intimate and thus boring. However, in gay porn, the men were more vocal. The was more kissing, talking, and growling. And as you guessed, gay porn is the second-most popular category viewed among women.
Like most people, when I engage in partnered sex, I seek mutual pleasure. I listen for cues no matter how subtle because I want to know that I am pleasing you.
So fellows, if you are deliberately quiet in bed, know your female partner yearns for your release.
Nowadays, more and more women are turning to audio porn to get off. We are listening to clips littered with sighs, moans, groans, and heavy breathing. It’s a clear indication that we want men actively engaging in sex and expressing their pleasure more than anything.
I know it’s a steep hill to climb because stoicism is the hallmark of masculinity for many men. But as a female who wants to have better sex with you, let me remind you that we need intimacy more than Patriarchal masculinity.
The very word intimacy comes from the Latin word Intima meaning inner or innermost. So intimacy is the ability to see into me or you. This means we can’t be intimate if you’re guarded. We need you to be secure enough to express yourself in whatever form, be it soft moans or grunts or even loud animalistic sounds.
When you hold back, we unintentionally get the message that we should hold back too, that we should put up a front and follow the script that patriarchy has put before us. None of us wants that. When you are unapologetically yourself, you help heal years of sexual shame and control.
After all, a partner that models free sexual expression is liberating. I know because years ago, I was blessed with one. During our rendezvous, he would talk of my ass and tits, the arch in my back, or the way my lips circluded his cock. No, I didn’t feel objectified; I felt appreciated.
His moans of praise and pleasure, I felt wanted, admired, and sexy. This all helped crush my insecurities and unleash my inner goddess. The more we fucked, the better we became adept at reading each other’s non-verbal cues.
Sex became better and better each time we engaged; it was expected our bodies were in tune. In fact a huge part of my sexual liberation was all thanks to him.
I can’t stress enough how important vocalization is during sex. Use your ooohs and aaah, grunts, and groans to steer us in the right direction. If you love something we’re doing, give an indication, it will encourage us to do more of that and less of the other thing you don’t like. It’s called positive reinforcement. As a shy girl who hates hurting people, I’ve used this to improve my sex life. It has spared me the awkwardness of admitting to things I don’t like.
So express the feelings that arise during sex. After all, hearing a guy grunt, groan and moan is so sexy!
© Dona Mwiria, MSc. January 2021
Feel free to read,
A female’s perspective on mediocre sex and mind-blowing sex.
