Will Real Love Always be Second to the Extremely Intoxicating Love Bomb Trap?
Until you heal your trauma bond and addiction to love bombing — YES!
Your self-awareness in recognizing this pattern is a great first step.
For me, it was a smack me upside the head, an eye-opening moment. A lifetime of narcissistic abuse had made me addicted to love bombing and intermittent reinforcement.
I was not only attracting but was attracted to, toxic people — in the beginning. Once I got a glimpse of their dishonesty or devaluation attempts, I was history.
It wasn’t until I broke my trauma bond and healed this pattern, that I said “yes” to a second date. And over a period of years, that first second date led to my now amazing marriage.
I want that for you, too.
The allure of love bombing
Remember, love bombing is not all roses and romantic walks on the beach. Love bombing is anything that creates the lens for how you see the narcissist, yourself, and the world.
In a romantic relationship, this may include gifts and gestures. It may also include simple things:
- Taking care of you when you’re sick
- Texting to be sure you got home safely
- Spending every free minute together
- Waking up to a “thinking of you” text
- Falling asleep talking to each other
- Hanging on every word you say
- Wanting to know everything about you
- Sharing vulnerable details about themselves
The feel-good chemical surge
Look, you’re not alone. There’s a reason people like being love bombed. Your brain is flooded with feel-good hormones. And the result?
- The chemistry is HOT
- The relationship feels so intense
- You think about them all the time
- Their touch is electric
- Their words are intoxicating
- A simple text can leave you melting into a puddle of arousal
- Their sexy voice makes you whimper out loud
You would do ANYTHING to continue feeling this way — and you do, until the devaluation is too much.
The healthy relationship you might just miss
You won't find this in a relationship with a healthy, non-toxic person. Sure, you can have chemistry. Absolutely, you may melt at their touch.
But the intensity, the intensity that makes you…
- Stay up all night talking when you have an important meeting in the morning
- Play hooky from work
- Check your phone every 10 seconds, even in the middle of the night
- Risk phone sex in your work bathroom because you just can’t say no
- Make abrupt changes in your life
- Give an almost stranger large sum of money…
Does NOT occur in a relationship with a healthy person.
When that feel-good chemical surge is your benchmark, everything else pales by comparison.
Fortunately, this can be changed
Here’s how I did it.
- I stopped all contact with anyone who triggered that chemical reaction
- I broke my trauma bond
- I committed to healing — creating a healthy relationship with myself, the very relationship I wanted with another
You can, too. And if you’d like help, I’m only a message away.
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may help you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.