Will I Have to Pay For the Kind of Sex I Want?
Because I’m not sure I’ll find it by pure luck
As any single person can probably attest to, there are concrete pros and cons of being single.
The pros? I don’t have to talk to someone when I don’t want to. I get to sleep in the middle of my bed and freely roll around unless I’ve invited some lucky partner to stay over. I don’t have to check with anyone before making a move, and I get to eat all the cookies. No sharing.
The cons? They include, but are not limited to, occasional pangs of loneliness, no plus-one for events, no roses, and no one to share the bills with.
But the biggest con? Funny how it rhymes with the word complex because it is indeed complex. It’s sex — or lack thereof. But not just any sex. I’m talking about the kind of sex I want at my disposal. It’s near impossible to find it without investing in some kind of relationship that’s more than just sex because nobody wants to feel used.
I’ve come close with a couple of sexual partners, but close doesn’t seem to make the full cut.
First of all, I want immediate gratification. When I want it I’d like a partner to be ready and waiting, but I’m not the type of person who can have someone around, in my space full time. I just can’t.
How does one find immediate sex without feeling like I’m using a partner for just sex? Unless it’s his job.
When my waves of desire come on, they come hard and fast so there’s no room for scheduling. I’ve come across one partner who I can text and tell him I want a meetup, but if he’s busy that night and wants to do it tomorrow, my wave could disappear.
It has happened before that a basketball game was on his agenda when sex was on mine, but I understood and didn’t hold it against him. I wouldn’t walk out on my social life to calm someone’s casual sex craving on demand either.
Next on the list of dilemmas, I want the kind of sex I desire without having to dance around a list of likes and dislikes. How do I find a casual partner who’s willing to do exactly as I say and not feel used unless it’s his job?
I’m a strange personality split. I crave sensual touch, foreplay, kissing, and the long game. Sometimes I could go all night on that alone and be satisfied. Other times, I just want to be bent over in a public washroom stall, get my brains fucked out, and be done.
But where does this one guy exist on speed dial? And why should he want to cater to my sexual whims, no matter what they happen to be that day?
I suppose he doesn’t have to be only one guy, there could be a few but then the vetting process gets complicated. I’d need to have several on standby, ready to jump at my beck and call. They’d all need to be my version of physically appealing, intellectually stimulating, and knock on the door as soon as I call.
Try finding that combination more than once, if ever. It just doesn’t exist, unless it’s his job.
An even bigger issue on the list is that I don’t always want to communicate during the in-between times. It’s very difficult finding a man, much less multiple men, who are okay with laying low until I decide to get in contact.
Sometimes I feel like sexting, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I feel like chatting, sometimes I don’t. What I do want is a man to be okay with all my ebbs and flows, and instinctively know when to back off and when to step up.
See why I’m not in a relationship? I don’t even know what I want half the time, never mind how to invite a man into it. This is why it should probably just be his job to fulfill my desires, not his duty to figure me out.
If it were his job he’d do it for the money, but if it were his duty he’d have to put up with it.
I want a man who only has to ask once what my desires are, takes notes, and then carries them out. I don’t want to play 20-questions. He should just do it, and do it aggressively like he owns me, and like he knows me.
He should know that I want to fully submit under his control, but that I also might feel like dominating him when I’m feeling extra playful. He should love both sides of that coin but quickly take back control. He would instinctively know I don’t truly want to dominate him, even if I attempt to.
If it was his job, he would stay in control because it’s on his task list.
One night hookups compliment my sexual style nicely because they play into the fantasy, without the expectation of getting attached. I’ve been fortunate to be part of perfect hookups, but that’s exactly what they are. Just hookups, never to happen with the same person again.
If a hookup appears to have the potential for more, then feelings get involved and he may not understand that it’s mostly about the adventure and the sex for me. If we could keep it as carnal as a one-night stand, but evolve into two-night or three-night stands, it could work.
Then there would be no investment, just perfect sex between friends. That’s what works beautifully for me. No questions, no expectations.
So then my question remains — will I have to pay for the kind of sex I want? Because I’m positive I won’t find it by pure luck.
