Why Your Brain Loves to Compare and What You Can Do About It
If applied, you can use comparing to your advantage
Since diving into the online side hustles, I can’t help but compare myself to others who look more successful. Heck, it got so bad that I had to quit Instagram altogether.
I’m on a new venture with writing, and I can’t help but compare myself to those who are making tons of money with writing. If you’re new to the online world of writing, I’m sure you’re familiar with this feeling.
I feel like I’m doing the work, but I also don’t see lots of big results.
But then again, I’ve only been on this journey for 3 months.
But also, that constant reminder is still exhausting that prevents me from moving forward. My brain can’t help it. It won’t stop comparing.
To explore this curiosity, I researched why our brains do this. I came across the social comparison theory.
Why our brains love to compare
Psychologist Leon Festinger first proposed the social comparison theory in 1954. He suggested that humans have an innate drive to evaluate themselves by comparing themselves to others.
He argued that comparing is a way to benchmark how we’re doing in whatever we’re doing is to compare it to others. It’s useful for the most part, but sometimes it’s not.
Lately, I’ve been comparing myself to a successful writer. She also runs an online course on top of other side projects she has going on in her life.
She obviously has much more experience and has been in the online world for longer. She knows the game.
While I admire her, I find myself comparing my work against her work. I feel upset that I’m not at the level of her success yet.
And at a conscious level, I know that it’s ridiculous to compare myself to someone who has more experience, yet I can’t stop doing it.
But the theory points out that I’m using her success as a benchmark for what a successful writer in the platform looks like.
Well, that’s a relief.
Who do we compare ourselves to
The goal of comparing ourselves to others is to ultimately know ourselves. That’s why we tend to compare to those who are similar to us.
I don’t find myself comparing to YouTubers or Instagram influencers.
I compare myself to a female successful writer. It’s because the more I know her through her work, the more I find that we have similar attitudes and beliefs in life.
She’s a personal development coach, an entrepreneur and now a writer. Those are things that I also dream of for myself.
How we use upward comparison to feel good or bad
Social psychologists suggest that there are two types of social comparison. The first one is the upward social comparison.
Both types can have both negative and positive effects. In the upward comparison, you compare yourself to someone you believe is better than you. This can keep you motivated to improve your skills. Or it can make you feel bad that you don’t do anything and give up before even trying.
Most of the time, I feel envious of her. I sometimes feel upset or bad because I’m working hard but haven’t seen big results yet. I keep forgetting that I’ve only been here for 3 months, while she’s been here for 3 years.
I had to shift my mindset around this so that I can keep moving forward. Now, I am using her success as a motivation rather than feel bad about what I’m working on.
When I shifted my thought pattern, her platform presence inspires me to work harder. She’s three years younger than me, but she’s achieving all her dreams.
I know that I can do it for myself too.
How we use downward comparison to make us feel good
The second type of social comparison is the downward comparison. When I encounter someone’s profile on Medium, the first thing I look at is their followers.
I only have 170 followers at this time. So, when I see someone who has less than that, I immediately feel better. The goal of the downward comparison is to increase someone’s self-esteem or self-regard.
I believe that I’m doing better on the platform because of their followers compared to mine. But, I also know that it’s not true.
They could be a great writer, and they’re just starting on Medium. I’ll never know unless I look up their work outside of the platform.
How to use comparing to your advantage
I can’t tell you to stop comparing yourself to others. As Festinger said, it’s an innate drive for humans to do this. It’s human nature.
Regardless, it doesn’t mean that we can’t use it to our advantage.
Here’s what I will continue to do:
1. Becoming aware
Yes, the first step is always awareness. Without awareness, there will never be change. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings when you catch yourself comparing.
Is the comparing keeping you inspired, motivated or empowered? Or is it making you feel bad about yourself? If it’s the latter, it’s time to do a self-reflection about why that is.
2. Shift your mindset
Now that I know why we compare, I can change how to look at things.
Previously, I felt envious or jealous about her success. But now, I’ve used this to be a motivation to keep going.
She’s achieved a lot in one year. I can learn from her and analyze her posts to help me succeed in the platform.
Also, remembering why you started will help you keep going no matter what. My goal was to learn how to write and communicate well and not really to make money.
I always believe in the fact that money will come later. The important thing for me right now is to learn the process of writing.
The process becomes more enjoyable and less stressful.
3. Stay in your own lane, wear imaginary blinders
When venturing into a new online project, we can’t help but be exposed to those who are “better” or “worse” than us.
But the truth is, we never truly know what’s going on in their life. It’s only what they show us.
From here on, I’ll be staying in my own lane and wear imaginary blinders.
The only way to get to where we’re going is to focus on what you’re doing since distraction is everywhere.
Ask yourself: how can you stay in your own lane and have a distraction-free mind and environment? If it helps to unfollow people on social media, then so be it.
4. Celebrate your achievements, even if they’re small
Every week, I reflect on the things I’ve achieved. Even as small as getting a new comment on my post.
That’s one person who took their time to read my post. They liked it so much that they took the time to comment on what I’ve written.
If that’s not rewarding at all, then I don’t know what I’m doing here. My goal is to inspire people to do things they want in life by sharing my stories.
Take note of the small wins that you get throughout your journey. Have a new follower? Celebrate that. Did someone clap on your post? Celebrate that. You wrote today even if you didn’t publish? Celebrate that.
Final Thoughts
I feel more relieved after diving deeper into this topic, and I hope that you do too. There’s nothing wrong with you and me. It’s our brain’s way of finding out how well or bad we’re doing in general.
If you find yourself comparing, applaud yourself for becoming aware of it. Now, you get to decide about what to do with that information. Do you let it bring you down, or do you keep yourself motivated to push through?
Remember to focus and keep your head straight because your journey is your own and not someone else’s. You might miss things in your journey if you’re continually checking your shoulders.
It won’t be easy, but I know that it’ll be worth it.
