Why You Should Think Twice about Sleeping with Married Men

The side chic’s lessons from dating married men.

We have been best friends since childhood. My parents have known his parents since high school, and he is three years older than me.

Whenever he came visiting with his parents, we played in our garden with his older sister. He was like an older brother to me.

When I was 15, I developed a crush on him. He already had a girlfriend and was in college. I knew that he only saw me as a sister, so I never expressed how I felt.

Over time, my love for him became unconditional. I no longer expected him to be more than a brother, and we grew closer.

We would share a bed and change clothes in front of each other, but there was no sexual intention between us. He is the first and only guy I have ever been best friends with.

When I moved to the States, we kept in touch. We would exchange letters and call each other with landlines and video chat with yahoo messenger. His girlfriends would often get jealous and think we shared something intimate together.

When he got married, people started believing we were just best friends and nothing more. We never fell apart, even after his marriage.

I was into much older men, and I was having a thrill with my life too. Shortly after, I met my narcissist boyfriend and fell in love with him. Everything seemed great until it wasn’t.

After three years of being in an abusive relationship, I was traumatized to move into another relationship.

Luckily, my best friend had moved to the states with his wife and family. They agreed to have me stay at their place to be far away from my abusive ex. He had made some threats, and I was too afraid to live with my mum because he knew where she lived.

My best friend and his wife became my backbone. They helped me get a new job, paid for my therapy, and ensured I lacked nothing. When I finally recovered from the traumatic breakup, I moved to California and started modeling.

Many years later, my best friend started having trouble in his marriage. His wife was obsessed with the luxury life, and he couldn’t afford her needs. So she made him work four jobs while she remained a stay home mum.

The stress took a turn on my best friend, so he started skipping shifts and reporting late to work. He got fired so many times because of his poor performance, yet his wife only cared about her social life and image.

Eventually, she got tired of living a low life and filed got a divorce. She asked my friend to move out, or she would leave with their three children.

My friend had no choice but to move in with a friend of his in the same city. He was broke but had to remain in town and keep his job if he was going to pay for the divorce process.

The divorce took a turn on my friend. I had visited him during a photo shoot in Chicago where he was staying. Seeing him looking frustrated broke my heart. I felt vulnerable. I struggled to keep a happy face as I haven’t seen him in a long time.

I ran into his arm, and he hugged me so tight and cried over my shoulder. I think he needs to get it all out after holding it together for too long. I was a bit happy that he still trusted me enough to break down in front of me. In all the years I’ve known him he was never the one to be weak.

I was the one who got consoled and taken care of. But this time, I wanted to do the same for him. He was still married to his wife, but the divorce was ongoing.

That night was a long and emotional one. It was as if sex at that moment was inevitable. We released our passion in one hot sex. I had no guilt or shame from sleeping with him. It felt right, and we continued to have more sex after that night. That was how our friendship with benefit was born.

He was the first married man I had ever dated, and I made him an exception because he was indeed special to me. Even now he’s remarried, we haven’t stopped benefitting from our friendship.

Is it okay to date a married man?

This is a very important question. Most women would never date a married man. But some have broken their boundaries and ended up dating and falling in love with a married man.

There is no right or wrong way to defend infidelity. Most people are living with horrible spouses, and cheating is usually an escape to whatever issues they are running from.

So women forgive their cheating partner because they don’t believe infidelity is enough reason to sacrifice their marriage.

Unfortunately, we only see the cheated as the victim, and we fail to recognize the little things that lead to dishonesty and the eventual betrayal.

The way I see it, cheating is an act of selfishness. Both the cheating spouse and the lover are selfish. It is in human nature to be selfish. We always think of ourselves first without thinking of how it affects others.

I also believe feelings change. That’s why love isn’t enough to keep a marriage. If you are unlucky to have a husband (or wife) who isn’t loyal to their vows, that says more about them than of you.

Those who date married people do so for selfish, materialistic reasons. Only few date for emotional reasons. But as the relationship progress, they end up falling in love with their married lover.

Regardless of the reason, dating married men or women happens all the time. It’s a situation we can’t avoid or control.

Married folks have to realize they can only control their emotions and not that of their spouse.

Recognizing what you want from your spouse and knowing what to do when they violate your boundaries is the only form of power you have over your spouse.

For those who date married people, you should know which direction you are headed. And the truth is when you are dating a married man, you must be aware that it doesn’t always have a happy ending.

You need to know how to prevent an affair like this from ruining your life. Most married men won’t leave their wives for you, so you should know when you’re getting too emotionally attached and break up with him.

Dating married men has taught me a lot, which makes me bat an eye whenever a man proposes to me. And these lessons should be passed on to all single women who date married men.

They feel no remorse about betraying their wives

This is the worst lesson I’ve learned so far. It’s not enough that he cheated on her. He still expects her to apologize for not being emotionally available when he needed her.

He blames her for being too busy raising their children and getting tired from keeping their home peaceful and organized.

Side chics claim to be special to a married man because they’re not doing their dirty laundry. The wives do the hard jobs. They clean up their husband’s mess. Yet, their husbands don’t appreciate them and will discredit them (the wives) in front of the side chics.

They will lie and manipulate to get sex

Cheats are professional emotional manipulators. They will say anything to get you to have sex with them.

They will tell you they are divorced and live separately from their wife, whereas they live peacefully in their marital homes.

At home, they will pretend to be the perfect husband and father, but in front of the side chicks, the wives are the worst people they’ve ever met.

Don’t believe everything a married cheat says. Always have a deadline on how long you want the relationship to be casual before it gets serious.

If he says he’s going to end his marriage, you need to find out exactly when. At the very least, he should be able to give you a schedule of the steps he will take towards his goal and hold onto that.

If he misses deadline, find out why. If he’s hesitant, it’s probably because he’s not serious about the divorce, and you need to stay away.

They will bring out your insecurities

People have done some crazy shit under the influence of an affair. Don’t be that woman that falls victim to her dark side.

Don’t get vengeful. Be careful about letting your crazy emotion stir you up to do things you might regret. You might get frustrated to the point you want to tell his wife or do something to expose the affair and ruin his marriage, but that’s is wrong.

If you feel your emotions are building up, the best thing you should do is walk away from that relationship to stay sane.

They will keep you from dating other men

Most married men are usually insecure, and when you’re the side chic, they want to keep you at their beck and call. They want you available anywhere, at any time.

Now, as a single woman, if your long-term expectation is to get married or have children, do not take yourself off the market because he says he will divorce his wife.

Keep your options open. While he’s trying to sort out his marriage, you should be dating other men too.

If he tries to make you feel guilty for cheating on him, remind him that he has been doing that to his wife from day one.

Married men can be self-absorbed and will try to keep you trapped in a relationship that is going nowhere.

Seeing other men is absolutely necessary. It gives you a frame of comparison to figure out if this relationship is what you think it is.

Also, if the married guy is going to leave his wife for you, seeing you with other men will motivate him. You may also find your soul mates in another guy, and hopefully, that will help you end things with the married man quickly.

Thank you for reading. You may like more of my relationship stories. You may consider subscribing for unlimited access to more stories like this.