LGBTQIA+ & RELATIONSHIPS

Why You Should Get a Lesbian Haircut Like Me

Especially if you’re a straight passing bisexual woman

We make assumptions about each other at first glance. Our appearance sends a message about values, beliefs, and sexual identity. Psychology tells us we judge and define people by their looks — like a woman with a well-defined lesbian haircut.

In our perception of people, and their perceptions of us, the hidden, subliminal mind takes limited data, and creates a picture that seems clear and real, but is actually built largely on unconscious inferences that are made by employing factors such as a person’s body language, voice, clothing, appearance, and social category. —psychologytoday.com

Our perceptions are largely subconscious, based on observation. When people have a preconceived notion of what a lesbian is “supposed to” look like, they categorize accordingly. Fortunately, I want this label.

I inadvertently gave myself a lesbian haircut. To me, it was simply a shorter style than my usual falling past my shoulders hairstyle. Now women are checking me out all the time. Others view me as a part of the LGTBQIA+ community. I stand out now.

Unless I wasn’t paying attention, I didn’t have anyone giving off these strong vibes when I shaved my head a few years ago. This particular hairstyle appears to do the trick. I get to finally be queer passing, and I’m tickled pink.

I’m generally a straight passing bisexual woman who rarely gets a sideways glance or a flirty smile from the ladies. I’m impressed that cutting my hair can send such a clear message about my sexuality.

The first time I noticed someone noticing me was in the Denny’s parking lot in Grants Pass, Oregon. We were on a road trip back home, eating lunch in my car. I looked up from my driver’s seat to see a young woman smiling at me on her way in. Then she smiled at me again on her way back out.

It was that “if you only knew what I’m thinking I want to do with you” kind of smile. I got such a kick out of her. It’s been years since a woman has taken sexual or romantic interest in me — possibly decades, honestly.

I wanted to cartwheel over to her and say, “You’re right about me.” She wasn’t my type and appeared way too young, but why the hell not? I didn’t even need any rainbow swag — no jewelry or bumper stickers needed.

As if the LGBTQIA+ universe knew I needed more proof, I caught a woman smiling at me when I drove past her the other day. She was attracted to me. You know when you just know? It was like that.

If I hadn’t cut my hair, would she know I was bi? Maybe not. Sure, she could have felt the vibe some other way. And it’s possible I’m sending that energy. But the haircut helped.

I try not to judge others by their appearance, but I do the same as everyone else. And sometimes it’s in our favor. As much as I don’t want to stereotype myself or others, I appreciate that we have some kind of lesbian hairstyle code.

If my sexual identity weren’t erased most of the time, I wouldn’t care. But for those of us straight passing bisexual women, it helps that I can send a signal with something as simple as a haircut.

Short hair on women and femmes, sometimes coupled with a casual androgynous clothing style, indicates a level of queerness before any words are spoken.

Contributing author Linds Cale, in their article on Every Queer, “My Lesbian Haircut; It’s Not Just Hair,” confirms the longtime indicators of queerness for women:

Most markers of masculinity on women have been considered an indicator of queerness for longer than I’ve been alive, but few more so than short hair. — everyqueer.com

I’ve always known that it wasn’t just hair. But since I didn’t come out until age 20 or so, and I’m bisexual/pansexual, I didn’t claim the lesbian haircut because I’m not typically butch. I gravitated toward a feminine look for years. I feel more androgynous/masculine lately, and I’d like to attract more women.

As I approach my 50th birthday, I’m claiming my lesbian haircut. I scheduled my appointment with a hairstylist friend to make it official. Call it a birthday gift to myself.

We make jokes that a woman is lesbian because she has a fade, wears flannel, and has King Princess or Ani DiFranco on their playlist. It’s true most of the time, especially when it comes to the hair.

It all started with a mediocre haircut I did myself. I was displeased with it from the get-go and kept trying to fix it. But it’s a sign I could be queer, so I’m glad I chopped off my locks. And guess what? I am queer, and I hope others see I’m into women.

Unsurprisingly, I plan to keep my hair short. I’m a walking research project. Besides, I love the attention. I’ll keep playing with my bangs and let my smile linger a little longer. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to date a sexy woman with a lesbian haircut this year.

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