Why You Don’t Have To Win The Argument

The Reasons Why I Won’t Argue With You

Did you ever feel obligated to keep fighting just to “win the argument?” You just had to have the last word because you are scared of being wrong? Maybe you were worried about what someone else thought about you?

The truth is, arguing is a futile activity that has no winners. Arguments can never create a sense of understanding or acceptance of one’s point of view. They just leave both sides feeling angry and frustrated (and sometimes guilty too). They also typically make it less likely that people will listen to each other and more likely that they may shut down completely.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Choose your battles.”?

Arguing is like a battle, but with nothing to gain. If there was nothing to gain, do you think there ever would have been a Civil War? Do you think both sides fought just to say they were right?

Absolutely not. They fought for change.

During an argument, even if you are right or convince someone else they were wrong, what will it change? Is this a battle you would choose?

Here are reasons why you don’t have to win the argument.

The Argument Is Not Productive

Arguments often lead to only one side of an issue gaining the upper hand. They are rarely a way to bring about justice and change. Most times, these arguments end up making matters worse. Most people can recognize this after they’ve made several such arguments. They either avoid the debate altogether or dismiss it out of hand without even considering why the other person took it the way they did. They may even decide that they don’t want to have the same discussion with that person again.

Arguments never really solve the problem. They can only damage and fester problems that existed before the argument.

Arguing Puts Us On The Defense

Arguing makes us feel vulnerable because it puts us on the defensive. We either have to defend ourselves against our partner’s point of view or against what they are saying about us. We feel if we “let them win,” we are admitting we are wrong.

Arguing Makes Us Feel Guilty

Most arguments begin with us feeling guilty. So we try to convince our partner of the merit of our point of view. Understandably, we feel guilty because we’ve been engaging in negative behaviors that we want to stop. For example, we’ve been ignoring our partner’s wishes and putting our needs before theirs during an argument.

Arguing Creates Frustration

We might be arguing about politics or even about something silly like a spat of laundry. No matter what we are fighting about, arguments create frustration. They are perceived to be fights, but there’s nothing to win.

Arguing Makes Us Less Likely To Listen

When people argue, it’s normal for the conversation to get heated. And if the initial argument is particularly strong or incendiary, it’s natural to shout back and speak louder or treat the other person with contempt.

Rather, the only way to “win an argument” is to listen simply. Listening is different from talking because it involves actively taking in the other person’s thoughts, ideas, and feelings and trying to understand what they’re saying. Listening is a skill, and it takes practice. It’s something we have to practice every day as it’s very easy to tune out what’s being said around us or to become more tuned into the needs of our own minds than those around us.

However, we are less likely to listen in the heat of an argument, as we are busy trying to defend and validate our cause.

Arguing is never about changing someone’s mind.

Arguing for the sake of arguing is never about changing someone’s mind. Arguments are poorly designed to achieve clarity and understanding rather than to achieve the other side’s position. In a world that is plagued by polarized views, arguing for your side is never going to change someone’s mind.

Arguing in itself is often bad decision-making. There are many instances where a heated discussion leads to conflict rather than resolution. Even if you have convinced your opponent that they were wrong, they will never change their mind for the sake of “winning the argument.”

Conclusion

We get so passionate about debating topics and discussing our opinions because it seems like it’s the only way to get others to understand us. But that’s not true. That’s why arguing can be so unproductive because it’s an ineffective method of giving and receiving different points of view, constructive advice, or communication.

How you say, something is just as important as what you say.

You don’t have to win the argument; actually, you don’t have to argue at all. There are no winners. The only way to truly win is through being kind and listening.

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https://readmedium.com/living-with-motor-neuron-disease-c642977b15fd