Why This Single Sober Mom Now Takes Shrooms on the Daily

How microdosing psilocybin dismantled my old patterns and hit the refresh button on my life

I love shrooms. Other mind-altering substances don’t work for me. But psychedelics? I never had a problem. Before I learned the science behind them, I knew they weren’t harmful.

I’ve been sober for two decades for a good reason. Alcohol is dangerous for me, and I should stay away from it. Cocaine and meth will destroy my life. The jury is still out on weed, but I choose not to take any chances.

I have the best memories of dropping acid on a few occasions and taking shrooms once at a party in Isla Vista, CA, of all places. IV is a small town near UCSB, notorious for its raging parties — not the safest place for a young woman to hang out alone. I was at SBCC, a local community college, and was dating one of the guys who lived with a mutual friend.

Later, we were getting drunk when my friend offered me an eighth of an ounce of whole, dried psilocybin mushrooms. I ate them in a tortilla, then washed them down with a Corona and waited.

The highlights could be straight out of a Gen X movie. Once it began to hit us, we wanted to trip on TV or music. Some guy sitting in an easy chair said, “Relax, Michelle, it’s just a drug.”

Someone unplugged the TV to play music from the stereo. When the shrooms fully kicked in, I didn’t care about any of it. I told him, “Relax, it’s just a drug.” What to trip on would be something I’d only be concerned about when not tripping, so I thought the whole conversation was hilarious in retrospect.

I ran into my then-boyfriend in the hallway. He leaned to kiss me, and I moved away. Something felt off, and I suddenly knew I shouldn’t be with him. My spidey senses told me he was bad news, with no previous clues. It was like waking up my intuition for the first time.

I went on a mini adventure after that, which seemed to last hours but was probably brief. I walked to Freebirds, a popular burrito restaurant, which was packed, as usual. Another guy was trying to keep track of my whereabouts, who was with me (thank God).

I observed the young, drunk college kids eating burritos and noticed they were unloading drama like nobody’s business. They were wrapped up in their stories like the burritos they were devouring. I started laughing, knowing that nothing was a big deal. And I do mean NO thing.

The Universe snapped me to attention. Most of us are treading water when we can touch the bottom. Except for me at that moment — I felt my feet firmly planted. I found it highly entertaining. My escort had no idea why I was laughing. Still, thirty years later, I know why. I’d had a spiritual experience in that cheap burrito joint in the middle of a dirty college town.

We walked back to the house and as ready to get home. I was still living with my parents (I was 19) and had missed curfew. I wondered aloud if I’d waited long enough, and a friend said I could treat driving like a Nintendo game. I trusted him and headed toward my car with my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.

He walked me to my car while holding my backpack and broke the strap. I’m not sure if we officially broke up or if we just never saw each other again. I played a video game on Southbound 101 in my 1969 VW Beetle. Thankfully, I made it home safely. Driving was probably not the best idea since I’d also been drunk earlier. Alas, I’m here to tell you I don’t regret taking shrooms.

Getting drunk never resulted in a spiritual download like that. What’s up with mushrooms? Eleven years later, I stopped drinking or taking any recreational mind-altering substances. When I look back on drinking, there’s nothing but tragedy. And yet, my moments with LSD and shrooms hold wisdom, deep connection, and joy. I’m still astounded when I consider the set and setting weren’t ideal, and yet I was safe and spiritually sound during my trip.

I went to AA meetings for most of my sobriety, around 17 years. I grew up in those rooms, and I used to feel at home there. However, I’m sure if I told some of them I microdosed, they’d tell me I’d have to start my sobriety date over again. I disagree wholeheartedly, and here’s why.

With 65 million Americans suffering from mental illness, 60% untreated, we’re facing a nationwide mental health crisis. I wasn’t going to let uninformed addicts tell me or anyone else how to seek treatment.

I stopped going to AA several years ago, and that was one of several reasons why. One concern lies with the belief that we shouldn’t take any mind-altering substance to claim sobriety. That’s advice coming from cigarette smokers and coffee drinkers.

It’s worrisome because we have a higher relapse rate, which can cause us to suffer and die from untreated mental illness. Due to an increased need for professional help and resources spared for the privileged few who can afford care, we need alternatives.

Twelve-step recovery programs are only one way to stay sober. Many people recovering from substance abuse also need outside help for mental health treatment. When we get down to the causes and conditions for why we drank, we seek to escape the effects of trauma and mental illness symptoms.

Using cannabis (THC/CBD), and dosing LSD, ketamine, MDMA (Ecstasy), or psilocybin are legitimate ways to address these issues, as harm reduction or a stand-alone treatment. We’re learning that pharmaceuticals can be less effective and more damaging long term. It’s time to accept alternative recoveries without judgment or ridicule.

The psilocybin mushroom is a non-addictive, plant-based medicine used to treat depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, and addiction. Success stories are widespread, including studies by Harvard professors Dr. Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert (aka Ram Dass) in the 1960s.

After decades of buried research, information about its remarkable effectiveness is seeing the light again. Several states have recognized and legalized psilocybin for therapy and personal use.

You won’t trip when you microdose, though we now have safe-tripping psychotherapy sessions opening up in Oregon. I was seeking psilocybin for healing and spiritual connection, unlike my attempt to escape when I took other drugs. I wanted to tune in, not out. Shrooms promised to help me do that.

I watched “How to Change Your Mind,” connected with people who shared their experience and expertise, then bought some magic mushrooms to use as an alternative to therapy or pharmaceuticals for ADHD, OCD (skin-picking), and healing my past trauma.

Here’s where I bedazzle you with my first microdosing experience.

It was the morning of September 13th, 2022. My first psilocybin microdose hit me on the hiking trail at about 9 am. I hugged a tree to show my gratitude and felt a sense of awe at nature’s beauty and grace. It wasn’t a full-on trip, but it felt like one. I felt a palpable shift in my consciousness — that’s the best way to describe it.

Nature can have that effect without ingesting shrooms, but I hadn’t felt so tuned in and present in a long time. The first time I noticed a change was when my senses were heightened. I could hear the bugs buzzing, birds chirping, and more nuanced forest sounds I couldn’t place.

I laughed out loud, since my senses are usually on overload. It was pleasant, though, not overwhelming as it usually feels. I thanked the trees and other plants for giving me life’s breath, free food (blackberries), and resilience, despite the harm we’ve caused them. I thanked the plant inside of me that helped me come back home.

I noticed my physical discomfort when I had to pee but didn’t focus on resolving it. I detached, simply observing the sensation. I have a heightened sensitivity to sensory input and typically can get overwhelmed. It wasn’t a typical day.

I continued to microdose every day that week. I was advised to take breaks, so I took a day off every two days. I didn’t feel much of anything after that first day, except for the awareness of some stuff I knew I had to deal with and process.

I read up on tolerance and decided to take two days off. I also got better sleep, and my overall mood began to improve. I had a distinctive buoyancy I hadn’t felt in ages, if ever. I felt relaxed about things that used to bother me. My former anxiety, tension, and fear ceased to exist.

As the months rolled on, I fell into a new normal. Fast forward to now. I still take 1/8 of a teaspoon of mushroom powder, but I take three days off. That microdosing schedule seems to be my sweet spot.

The layers keep peeling off like the skin of an onion. It’s not like shrooms make me happy all the time, either. Life is still in session, that’s for sure. I face difficult emotions and move through them with more grace and ease.

I mention I’m a single mom. Many of us are discovering why these tiny yet mighty mushrooms are magic. I’ve been so tense in the recent past. I’ve worried that I seem resentful and angry. Navigating everyday stress has shown me how much childhood trauma presents itself in our relationship.

Psilocybin has changed everything, leaving me calmer than ever. I’m letting go and facing challenges with more patience than expected.

My friend is convinced that psilocybin rewired her brain. That’s an accurate assessment from my experience, and studies show we’re onto something. I feel like my neurotransmitters are firing with such precision and balance, some issues have virtually disappeared.

Why and how does psilocybin rewire our brains? According to an April 2022 study from UCSF, psilocybin therapy alters the landscape. My friend suffered from depression, which can lead to rigid thinking. After psilocybin therapy, her landscape became more dynamic, freeing her from the inescapable morass of depression.

The depressed brain encourages rigid thought patterns that impact well-being. This can be viewed as a “landscape” with deep wells that make it difficult for patients to “move between” different thoughts and perspectives.

Psilocybin therapy “flattens” the brain’s landscape and “opens up” the rigidity of the depressed to allow new thoughts, insight, and perspectives to emerge. — “Psilocybin Rewires the Brain for People with Depression,” Laura Kurtzman, UCSF

In Cornell’s study from October 2022, “Psychedelic Drugs Flatten the Brain’s Dynamic Landscape,” the researchers explain the effect as follows:

The psychedelic drugs LSD and psilocybin activate serotonin receptors on brain cells in a way that reduces the energy needed for the brain to switch between different activity states, according to a study led by Weill Cornell Medicine researchers. —Cornell University Research team, cornell.edu

I knew my nineteen-year-old self had found a gift that night in Isla Vista amongst the sloppy partygoers. Magic mushrooms offered me peace, a dynamic landscape of endless opportunities for joy. I reverted to a rigid state for years before this fabulous fungus found me again.

I notice the ease with which I carry myself these days. I watch as an observer, a witness to my healing as a result of psychedelic home therapy in my morning cup of yerba maté. I’ve changed my mind, one microdose at a time. Here’s to you changing yours.

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