Why This Feminist Calls Him “Daddy” in Bed

My evolution in submission and BDSM

I always suspected I was kinky.

Even as a kid, I enjoyed playing pirates and being “captured” by little boys on the playground. In my mind, jump ropes were better suited for tying up prisoners to the tether ball poll than jumping.

I always wanted to be the prisoner, of course. Being tied up was so much more fun than doing the tying.

Even then, I knew. Even if I didn’t exactly know know.

The Feminist and the Dominant

The more I explored my sexuality in adulthood, the more I yearned for a sexual partner who could properly dominate me and help me explore my kinky submissive side.

As a feminist who escaped an abusive marriage with a controlling partner, exploring submission under a Dominant can be an odd juxtaposition.

But the more I learned about BDSM and what it meant to be a sub, the more fitting the label became for me.

Submissives hold the power because they choose to give their Dom power over them. The Dom follows our hard limits, handles us the way we yearn to be handled, pushes us in ways we want to be pushed, and stops at the sound of our safe word.

The power exchange is an aphrodisiac for me.

After over a decade of longing and yearning to have my submissive needs met by partners who just weren’t naturally dominant, I met the most compatible kinky partner on OkCupid, of all places.

We didn’t meet for the specific reason of finding a sub/Dom. That part happened by way of a happy accident. We quickly discovered our compatible desires surrounding kink and BDSM, and our D/s dynamic has been flourishing ever since.

We both signed a contract. He collared me. We agreed on Sir/babygirl as desired pet names for each other.

I told Sir (and previous polyamorous partners I’d dated before him) that I was very into being dominated, but that calling my partner “Daddy” was a turn-off for me. Not that I judged anyone else’s consensual kinks, but it just didn’t feel like a fit. It wasn’t something I could feel sexy saying.

Different strokes, as they say.

Imagine my surprise when I did a complete turnabout. A couple of months into dating Sir, I realized I’d found someone who was Daddy enough to make me want to call him Daddy.

Language is ever-evolving, and that semantic shift in connotation is something that fascinates a word nerd like me.

Not Everyone’s a Daddy

So what changed my mind? How did I go from feeling like “Daddy” wasn’t for me to absolutely needing to say it?

Our D/s dynamic had been in full swing for a while, with my talented and loving Dom often tying me up, pinning me down, choking me, manhandling me, fucking me roughly, and giving me orgasms until I scream.

But he’s versatile. He can be rough and authoritative — or incredibly affectionate, intimate, and intensely emotional during sex.

Sometimes, it’s a little of both — dominant and emotional all at the same time. That heady combination makes for some amazing out-of-this-world sex beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.

Our more intimate and vulnerable sessions are what made me crave calling him Daddy.

I remember the first time I yearned to say it clearly. He was on top of me, looking into my eyes, talking to me, thrusting in and out of me, making me feel more loved and desired and cherished than any partner I’d been with.

For reasons I couldn’t quite fathom or understand, I wanted to say it right then. I mouthed it, but refrained from speaking loudly and clearly enough to make myself heard. I didn’t want to throw him off with a kinky element I’d told him previously was a turn-off.

When we were cuddling afterward, slowly coming down from our post-sex high, I told Sir about my urge. We talked it through, and he was fully on board. Not only giving me permission to say it when I wanted, but encouraging it.

The word “Daddy” can mean different things to different people. Language is ever-evolving, and that semantic shift in connotation is something that fascinates a word nerd like me.

My partner has a lot of Daddy-like qualities, and I don’t mean that in a familial sense, but in a BDSM sense. He’s very protective. He likes to take care of me. He takes the time and effort to make sure I feel loved and fulfilled. He praises me and rewards me by calling me his good girl, so lovingly, when I’m on the edge of an orgasm.

When I hear good girl, his low, sexy voice full of approval and admiration, I melt. It often pushes me right over the edge and straight into climax.

He also gets a power trip from telling me what to do, including telling me when to come.

He’s certainly a pleasure Dom. A soft Dom. And now, he’s also a Daddy Dom. He inspired my desire to call him thus, where no other partner had been able to before.

Why “Daddy”?

During sex, we like to talk. I’ll go between calling my partner by his real name and using various terms of endearment depending on what he’s making me feel in the moment. Sir, babe, oh fuck!, etc.

And he has several ways he likes to address me, including baby girl, good girl, love, my little sub, good little slut, and more.

Variety has always been one of my favorite things, and now, Daddy is very much added to our list (and pretty high up there).

The Daddy Dom/Little Girl (DDLG) dynamic is one of the more controversial kinks. People get all kinds of strong feelings about this and automatically and unfairly equate it to women having a bad case of daddy issues.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth for women who are expressing themselves in a sexually healthy way.

Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.

— Vanessa Marin, Sex Therapist

Neither myself nor my Dom enjoys age regression play. I don’t identify as a little. I’m more of a brat — but an adult brat.

But whether or not an adult couple enjoys the age-play aspect that can accompany DDLG doesn’t matter, as long as everything is practiced in a safe, sane, and consensual way.

At the end of the day, calling your lover Daddy (or Mommy!) can be a real turn-on.

And the fact that it’s taboo, I’ve discovered, only adds to the pleasure factor.

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