Why Some Women Cry After Sex

If you’re feeling emotional in the throes of passion, you may not be alone.

I’ve cried during sex before. More than once, actually, and yes — each time it happened it was pretty embarrassing. The sex was great; consensual, comfortable, exciting, and yet it evoked an emotional reaction in myself that I didn’t understand.

This actually happens to a lot of women (and some men), and often the first reaction is to try to shut it down — especially if we don’t know why it’s happening.

“Oh my God, why am I crying? He’s going to freak out.”

“That was so good, but I’m still crying. What the hell? I need to pull myself together fast, or he’ll think he did something wrong.”

“Why am I emotional right now?! That was f*cking amazing!”

Maybe it’s happened to you or your partner, maybe not. But it’s much more common that you might think —enough that there is actually a term for it: Post-Coital Dysphoria (PCD), also referred to as Post-Coital Tristesse (PCT). An estimated 46% of women experience it at some point in their lifetime, and although it’s less well-known, it happens to an estimated 41% of men, too. And while it could be an indicator that something is wrong, such as a medical condition or mental health issue, often it can also be a perfectly natural response to a number of factors.

But the bottom line is that it’s not unusual, and nothing to be ashamed of.

These are some of the common reasons.

1. Triggering

This can often be the conclusion that people jump to when they witness their partner cry just after the two of them just had sex — that something happened in the past to trigger an emotional reaction. Survivors of sexual assault often need a long time before becoming comfortable being intimate again, and many see therapists, and/or specifically a sex therapist to help them in their healing process.

If this is the case, an emotional response to sex is perfectly understandable.

2. Physical reaction

Sometimes women will experience hormonal changes during sex, which can lead to an intense experience. This can be especially true during their menstrual cycles.

Or, it could be in response to an intense orgasm. When a woman orgasms, her vagina, uterus, and abdomen (and sometimes even other areas across her body) contract 3–15 times, for about .08 seconds each time. Sometimes she can also ejaculate (squirt), but every woman is different. But an orgasm involves thousands of nerve endings, which can lead to an intense, often whole-body experience. This feeling of physical overwhelm can cause an emotional reaction, bringing along the tears.

3. Release

Another reason that’s purely physical is that your body could be using crying as a release mechanism. If you haven’t been sexually active in a long time and you finally just had an intense experience in the bedroom, crying could be your body’s way of releasing that tension you didn’t know you’d been holding.

4. Joy

Yes, crying during or after sex can also be a good emotional response, too.

You’ve heard of oxytocin? It’s also known as the “happiness hormone”, because when produced, it gives you a little burst of positive energy. And, turns out it’s produced during sex. This is is why sex is also known to be a stress reliever.

The production of oxytocin is also linked to the feelings of being in love — especially new love. Maybe you’re head over heels for this person, and your brain is releasing all the oxytocin and you’re feeling completely overwhelmed with passion. Tears of joy are definitely a real thing, and sometimes your body just needs to let it out.

5. Anxiety or shame

If you already had some pent-up feelings of anxiety, fear, insecurity, or shame, it can be difficult to continue suppressing those emotions while your body is literally “going through the motions” of sex.

You may start feeling overwhelmed, and as I mentioned earlier, crying is your body’s attempt to find release.

6. Pain

If you’re in actual pain, try some lube and communicate with your partner. But if you have significant pain that occurs frequently or doesn’t go away, definitely consider seeing a medical professional, as there are many treatable reasons you could be experiencing pain during sex.

However, sometimes during sex, especially if a couple is trying to get kinky, pain and pleasure can be intermixed. Ever heard the phrase “pain is pleasure”? It could be completely consensual — and thoroughly enjoyable, and still cause an emotional reaction. This could be due to the fact that the feelings of pleasure and physical pain are both activated in the same part of the brain, so it’s actually possible for your body to be having an emotional response at the same time that you’re having the time of your life.

Crying during or after sex can be surprising, or even alarming, but it isn’t necessarily a reason to panic. It doesn’t automatically mean that one of you did something wrong, but it is worth examining the reasons behind it. Once I started to understand some of the reasons my body could be having such an emotional reaction, it was much easier to take a moment and stop myself from panicking.

If you find yourself in a position where you just had sex and suddenly you’re in tears, try not to instantly jump to “What the hell is wrong with me?”. Instead, let it out and try to understand whether your reaction is emotional, or purely physical. Were you especially stressed and anxiety-ridden that day? Are you being reminded of a traumatic event? Or are you completely fine emotionally and simply just had an out-of-this-world orgasm? Regardless of the reason, again, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If it is something more serious or you notice it happening frequently, it might be worth talking to a professional and figuring out if there is an underlying issue that should be addressed. But if not, understand that sometimes your body just needs some release.

If you witness your partner get emotional, try to give comfort and support, but avoid being condescending or demand to know exactly what’s wrong. They might not even know what’s wrong, and just need you to be there.

Humans are emotional creatures, and sometimes we just need to let it out, even if it’s while we are in the throes of passion.

© Samantha Blake 2020