SELF IMPROVEMENT

Why Some Self-Help Books Help and Others Don’t

Hint: it’s not the books

I’ve read self-help books ever since I was introduced to them during my stint in Amway 25 years ago.

But despite my extensive highlighting and margin notes, I never got much out of them.

Was something wrong with me?

Besides the fact that I joined Amway and believed selling cleaning supplies was my ticket to becoming rich.

Last week, I finally connected the dots. I figured out why those books never helped me.

Once you *get* it, you’ll be able to begin wringing maximum impact from your reading.

Amway books

If you don’t get the Amway reference, here’s background. When I joined this multi-level marketing company, I also joined a motivational support group. Their job was to keep me excited about building the business.

By providing me with free donuts.

Just kidding, although I would have worked (and have worked) for that.

My mentorship group signed me up (for a fee) to receive a new self-help book each month.

Books like:

• Think and Grow Rich
• The Magic of Thinking Big
• University of Success
• 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, etc.

I read these titles dutifully, but never made diamond in Amway. Or emerald, or ruby, or even dirt. Scratch that. I did make dirt. Good thing I sold cleaning products.

The point is that self-help books didn’t help me.

Not when I was in Amway. Not until recently when I understood this nugget coming up.

The dots

In 2019, I received my first insight into why self-improvement books weren’t working for me.

I hired my first life coach in March 2019. I was depressed in my career as a public relations professional. I didn’t even know what life coaching was, but I was desperate enough to try anything.

Through Denon’s skillful coaching, I was astonished to discover how poorly I thought about myself. Astonished because I generally like myself.

I’d hang out with me and grab a cold pop.

What I didn’t know is that unhelpful thoughts can silently sneak into the brain.

These were a few of my beliefs that my coach helped me expose:

• “I’m lazy.”
• “I’m stupid.”
• “I don’t have any ambition.”

How can anyone succeed if they think they’re lazy, stupid, or lack ambition?

It’s like milking a cow with your left hand while your right thumb covers the teat. You exert a lot of effort for little reward.

The second data point came during a session last month with my business coach.

Noelle said that all tactical marketing advice can be had for free on the Internet.

The most important thing was mindset.

Improving my mindset was the work that Denon had started with me (the 1st dot).

Without mindset, Noelle said tactics (e.g., what they teach in self-help books) are meaningless (the 2nd dot).

When I was reading all those self-help books, my mindset wasn’t primed to receive and use the wisdom.

Finger on teat.

The astute observer might point out that some self-improvement books teach mindset. For example, “Think and Grow Rich.”

Here’s the problem: You don’t know there’s a problem if you don’t know there’s a problem.

A house guest of mine threw his candy wrappers on the floor. He had no idea he did this until my wife karate chopped him. I mean, until I pointed it out to him.

Books that want to help you can’t make a difference if you (the reader) can’t see your blind spots. Hence the term: “blind spot.”

The test

Why do self-help books fail the majority of people?

Because 80% of the population have a sub-optimal mindset. Most of us have brains that are good at torpedoing our good intentions.

What do I mean?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, it may indicate a sub-optimal mindset.

• Do you tend to blame others?
• Do you get stuck rehashing the past?
• Do you procrastinate?

To know for sure, there’s a research-based, free tool to tell you if you’re one of the 80%.

It’s called the Positive Intelligence (PQ) test. It measures how much your brain works for you versus against you.

If you score above a 75 (out of 100), your brain tips toward a positive mindset that sees problems as possibilities, not as catastrophic pitfalls.

If you score below that threshold, you’re hopeless. Just kidding. The good news you can improve your PQ.

Missing piece

The founder of PQ created a 6-week program to increase your PQ.

I’ve taken it and it’s good. There are weekly exercises, videos, and a built-in accountability group.

I just think it’s missing one thing: coaching.

Which is interesting because the PQ inventor himself is a life coach and headed one of the world’s largest coaching organizations. To not use coaching as part of this program puzzles me.

It’s the essential piece because coaching can show you your blind spots. Denon and Noelle both did this for me.

My recommendation would be to hire a life coach (here’s a site where you can find coaches from where I got certified, but there are a lot of qualified coaches out there) and start tackling a problem in your life. I’ve used coaching to help me switch careers, lose weight, improve my sleep, and strengthen my family relationships.

Does coaching actually improve PQ scores? Yes. My clients have doubled their PQ scores.

You can too.

The impact

I’m finally able to start converting the wisdom of my self-help books (as well as podcasts, videos and articles) into action.

For example, I’ve applied the concepts of “The Gap and the Gain” to better follow through on my goals. “Essentialism” and “The 4-Hour Workweek” have helped me improve my time management.

I’m starting to feel like Bradley Cooper’s character in the movie Limitless where he takes a drug and instantly can speak to Mandarin.

Except I still don’t know Mandarin. I’ll work on that.

没问题!

Final words

Remember: Mindset before tactics.

My former Ph.D. mentor was a well known author in scientific circles. He wrote a classic textbook on biochemistry. His prose was impeccable.

What he didn’t do well was type. He never learned. He poked at the keyboard with two fingers, one from each hand.

His mindset was gold and his tactics were crap. But who would you rather have writing a textbook?

Self-help books can be good tools, but the best tool is your mind. Start there.

Have self-help books helped you?

If you want to improve your PQ score, join us in the “Practice Self-Confidence” Meetup Group where I teach lessons about gaining confidence and do group coaching.

If you enjoy discussing self-improvement principles, join us in the “Self Inprovement Book Club” Meetup Group.

If you want to join Amway, you’re on your own 😉.