Why People Leaving You Is a Good Thing

The Unexpected

How often have you unexpectedly met someone and, within just a few months, become so close you wonder how you lived without them all this time?

And as good as it feels, how many times have you experienced such people suddenly leaving your life?

Some East philosophies suggest people get together because they teach each other’s souls a lesson they want to learn.

In the West are a bit more direct:

“Oh, love isn’t there to make us happy. I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure.”

― Hermann Hesse, Wer lieben kann, ist glücklich. Über die Liebe

So, once the lesson is learned, it’s quite logical that the partnership would conclude, isn’t it?

Why you can’t let go

Many individuals hesitate to release not just situations, possessions, or the past, but also relationships. They fear that letting go equates to betrayal or being inadequate friends, and they may even believe they can’t survive without that person.

Well, let me ask you the following.

Have you wondered whether you might have evolved and no longer feel inclined to invest time with this individual, regardless of whether they’re a loved one or a friend, why feel compelled to cling to the relationship?

Relationships aren’t all that different from clothes or shoes. You outgrow some of them, and no matter how much you try, they simply don’t fit anymore.

I think when people depart, it can be positive; it demonstrates progress. Of course, it’s possible that while one person is growing or staying the same, the other may be regressing, presenting another perspective to consider. Nonetheless, change is inevitable in both scenarios.

I’ve noticed that some individuals struggle with embracing change.

They perceive the unfamiliar as something frightening or negative, fearing that it will bring hurt.

“Why change something if it’s okay as it is?” they ask.

Even if it’s not functioning optimally, they believe it’s not causing enough trouble to warrant a change. This mindset is prevalent among many adults.

Unfortunately, this is not a very progressing mindset.

Do not get me wrong, I am a very loving person and I want to have everyone as my friend but it simply doesn’t work like that.

Many of us have left some bad habits behind.

I used to enjoy gossiping, likely influenced by my family’s habit of discussing others. However, I realized it wasn’t productive or meaningful for me. Also, I am a strong believer in energy. Whatever you talk about you attract.

When I decided to stop gossiping and focus on positive conversations, I found some of my friends didn’t have much else to discuss. Despite trying, our conversations always veered back to gossip. Hence one could naturally expect me to spend less time with those friends, if any.

I recognize our diversity; for instance, I’m passionate about discussing business and ideas, whereas some find it dull and prefer not to engage in such conversations when socializing. It’s a matter of finding individuals who share similar interests.

So what I’m saying is, when you evolve beyond a situation or a person, it’s not negative to let them go. It simply means you’re no longer aligned, and there’s no blame to assign.

Letting go of a romantic relationship

Romantic relationships are even better, they teach us the most.

Now, let me give you an example.

You meet a person. You have a relationship. One of you leaves. Or worse, you get stuck because both of you are afraid to be on your own.

There are two scenarios you can adopt.

Scenario 1

You were the left one and chose to feel like a victim and feel sorry for yourself, blame the other, etc. You go on and on, and waste time trying to get the person back convincing them you are the one.

Have you wondered though, if you were the one, why would you have to convince them? Why would you even want someone who does not want you back?

or

Scenario 2

You chose to take the situation as it is and analyze it. Why did it happen? Was it my fault? What makes me think it was my fault? What did I learn about myself through the other person? How did he/she make me feel? Do I like how he/she made me feel? You learn from it.

Because if you did not like how the other person made you feel, why on earth would you cry about them leaving????

It is so counterintuitive, yet it happens often. I almost feel we are brainless when it comes to emotions…

However, this is important, and I want to share it with you!

If you experience such kind of feeling, let me tell you a little secret…

You seek validation, not love.

Unless you seek bad love. Then you are a masochist and you want someone to torture you for you to feel love.

However, for most people, this is not love, or at least their idea of Love.

So how is Validation related to not letting go?

Validation, the root of all toxic relationships

First, what is validation? Validation often arises when people have low self-esteem/worth or/and need for approval.

Often, such individuals in relationships seek constant validation from their partners to feel loved. When their partners don’t respond promptly to texts, they may experience anxiety, interpreting it as rejection. In such cases, if the partnership ends, those seeking validation may cling to the idea of not being able to let go of this person.

However, the key lies in seeking love rather than validation.

Those focused on love, if the partner leaves, will acknowledge they deserve better and move on, albeit feeling sadness temporarily.

Conversely, individuals seeking validation will mentally cling to the person, wanting him/her even more. They will perceive their departure as confirmation of their inadequacy. They crave validation to feel acknowledged, mistaking it for love. Sadly, I’ve been there so I know what I’m talking about. Once validation is received, interest in the partner may even disappear. This is one of the reasons people who seek validation might have numerous failed relationships because they subconsciously seek rejection as they find it familiar. Once, they are safe (validated) they get bored.

I’ve shifted my mindset to appreciate when things don’t work out, as it signals to me, progress toward finding my life partner, or at least I hope so. If a relationship ends, it means I’ve learned what I needed to, and hopefully, the next one might be the right fit for me. The quicker the better. It’s important to note that setting boundaries and being able to say no can help end relationships faster, rather than wasting time going back and forth. This applies to friendships as well. If you’re interested in reading about what will help you in doing so, here is my article on the topic.

In psychology, it’s suggested that we seek multiple relationships, each influenced by our relationship with our parents and the state of that connection. We may seek a partner who resembles our mother and another who resembles our father. Ultimately, as we heal, we strive for a relationship with our ideal self.

Be Happy learn to Let Go

Whatever needs to be in your life will find its way.

In my previous article, I described why it is so important to trust the natural flow of things. To trust the universe. The idea of Wu Wei.

When we let go, we make space for our things to come into our lives.

The Universe knows better what is good and bad for us but if we constantly fight it it might leave us where we think we belong for a lesson.

All connections should feel natural.

A connection cannot be forced. So why do you keep forcing it? If it is indeed for you and you are so certain, why not let it happen naturally?

When you feel at peace and your soul feels good then you are where you belong. With people, places, and anything you do.

With Love,

-Enigma ❤