Your Cheatsheet to Finding Your Perfect Prince: A Simple Strategic Rule You Might Not Have Realised until Now

When looking for the prince on the white horse first ask yourself, are you a princess yourself?

Catch me if you can

The fundamental baseline we women should always refer to when it comes to men is:

Men are all about the action. Women are all about the emotion. This dynamic has persisted since ancient times and is likely to endure unless there’s a fundamental shift in our DNA code.

In simpler terms, we could express it as men attempting to engage us through actions that evoke emotions, leading us to submit or respond in a certain way.

I am not going to say that men love to hunt… (even though it is the truth).

I would rather say, that people like the things they put in more effort far better than the things they get for free. Men and women.

It is a normal logical human psychology.

The value we attach to something often correlates with the effort we invest in acquiring it.

Consider saving up for a year to purchase a purse or a car compared to receiving a free sample. In the latter scenario, we might not fully appreciate the item, overlook its qualities, and may not bother to learn more about it. The lack of investment can lead to a more indifferent attitude — use it and move on.

When women, myself included, express concerns about men, we often complain about their behavior. It’s important to recognize that we receive such behavior because, unwittingly, we tolerate and accept it.

Let's get to the cheat sheet.

The Flip Rule

I tuned into a podcast recently, where it was discussed that the dating challenge for both women and men boils down to a straightforward issue.

But first, let me ask you whether you experienced the following.

Imagine you meet a guy. Handsome, in good shape, even funny, and successful. The dream, huh?

You go on a date, and it goes smoothly. He expresses interest in seeing you again. Then, as you return home, the cascade of thoughts begins — envisioning a future together, contemplating children, labeling him as “the one”… all of this after just two hours of conversation with a charming stranger. Do you see where I am going?

Women often begin dating by investing wholeheartedly in a man, praising his attractiveness, success, humor, and intelligence. We start at 100%. However, if he begins to disappoint us, we gradually lower his perceived value from the initial 100% to a level we have set as the minimum standard for ourselves to engage in the relationship.

On the flip side, men typically initiate dating with a baseline of 0%. While initial attraction is necessary, their admiration grows with each action aligning with their perception of an ideal woman or whatever qualities attract them, even if it includes some less-than-ideal behaviors that trigger them.

So the problem comes from the mismatch of expectation and corresponding behavior.

The man tends to be more passive, earning his devotion over time, while the woman begins with high expectations that may lead to dissatisfaction.

Let us look at this from another angle.

Imagine if we both started at 0%.

After a promising date where you both enjoy yourselves and see potential, you may assign points — maybe you give 1, he gives 1, or you offer 10, and he reciprocates with 20. The key is, you both start from a baseline of 0.

Following that, as a woman, exercise self-control, and resist the whimsical impulses ingrained in our minds since the creation of Disney. Refrain from envisioning him as your prince on a white horse, ready to rescue you, leading to a happily-ever-after scenario.

Instead, take a step back and tell yourself, “This went well. Let’s see how the next one unfolds.” Then you continue increasing steadily the points each time he does something that aligns with your vision for the man of your dreams until you are sure he is.

I’d like to add a small disclaimer here — I highly recommend women to cut down on texting.

While talking is fine, excessive texting can create an illusion of closeness. It prompts us to share too much too soon, and the more we engage in daily texting, the quicker we start feeling attached.

Darlings, here I would suggest what I have written in the subtitle.

Picture yourself for a moment as a princess destined to wed a prince.

You hold a significant status, and in the past, peace between nations often relied on such marital alliances.

The princess was constrained to marry a prince of equal or higher standing, irrespective of her affections. The match was determined by her societal values rather than her emotions, even if she harbored love for someone else.

Now if you are a romantic ( as most women are..), you would say she is too practical, she does not know what true love is..

Believe me, I wholeheartedly believe in love.

Countless tears have been shed, and immense effort has been devoted to love and emotions. Yet, somewhere amid the tears, I came to realize that the tears are not shed for the person you love; they are shed for the idea of the person you’ve constructed in your mind.

You weep for your illusion, for the dream you’ve created, which is now slipping away.

Why would you cry for someone who is just being themselves?

Think about it. Reality is a fact. How can you be upset about a fact?

You either accept it and move on or let it go and move on.

Feeling stuck often arises when we dwell on the past or project into the future. It’s an imaginative process, a journey into fantasy that stirs up emotions and feelings. We ponder on how things could have been different, what if certain events didn’t occur, or if we had made different choices. Fantasizing about how someone will change and we’ll find happiness is essentially nonsensical.

To protect ourselves emotionally, both men and women, we need to understand what we need, and not what we think we need or want.

You wonder why?

Because only when you know what you need you can create standards for yourself to follow and quickly grasp who is good for you and who is not.

Let me describe it more vividly.

Need VS Want

If you aspire to have a successful husband, are you ready to synchronize with his schedule, travel with him, or focus less on your career? Are you comfortable spending more time alone, or do you crave constant affection and attention, desiring numerous trips and extended quality time? Do you notice the potential contradictions between wants and needs?

If a handsome husband is your preference, can you handle the attention he attracts? Are you prone to jealousy, seeking constant reassurance from him?

These straightforward questions help us assess whether our desires align with our true needs.

The only person we fool is ourselves. And the only time we waste is ours. The faster we learn about ourselves the faster we can attract what we genuinely need for lasting happiness.

Solitude

Discovering what we truly need, as opposed to what we merely think we want, involves spending time alone, genuinely getting to know ourselves, and learning to love ourselves.

In this process, we build resilience, making it difficult for another person to harm our hearts as we learn how to protect them.

This is why I encourage you to learn what is it that you do not want to tolerate and promise yourself you will not make an exception to anyone.

When we learn how to value and respect ourselves others will be left with no choice but to do the same..

Then you will only receive what you want.

Respect Men

Men are kind, tender, and loving, everything they do is for us women.

It’s crucial to grasp that the primary desire men have is for our love. They work hard to be able to provide. Provide whom? Their family.

However, the love they seek is the love we must first give ourselves. Until a woman learns to love herself and fulfills her own needs, she cannot provide the kind of love her man needs. Relying on him for validation transforms the relationship dynamic, turning him into a father figure rather than a husband.

Learn to love yourself and set your standards. Because when you do not the following happens.

Emotional Hunger and Desperation

When a woman experiences emotional hunger, she may tolerate certain behaviors from a man as she yearns for his attention and affection which provides her with validation and a fake sense of love.

She might go to great lengths to retain his presence. Conversely, when she is emotionally satisfied, she prioritizes self-love and fulfills her own emotional needs.

Going backward to go forward

Recently I read a really beautiful analogy describing the process of self-awareness.

Imagine yourself like an arrow and a bow. For the arrow to go forward, it first goes backward.

We each carry our history, shaped by the influences and imprints left by our parents.

Even though parents are supposed to want to give their children the best they can, this doesn’t exempt them from making mistakes and being human.

Parents differ and children’s needs too. I have spent many years dwelling on the topic and I can only say the following.

The best thing we can do is accept our parents the way they are. Not for whom we want them to be or for what we wish they had given us but for who they are.

For us women, the father figure is extremely important. This is the first man we ever loved. This is how we met love. The way this relationship begins, unfolds, or concludes significantly shapes our experience of love in adulthood with our partners.

Remember, above all, that your father is human. Regardless of whether he lived up to the ideal father figure or not, he cares for you in his way. Even if it seems otherwise, it’s essential to find a way within yourself to accept him as he is.

If you reject or wish for your father to be different, these sentiments will manifest in your interactions with men later on. The quest for an ideal partner will be constant, yet perfection is an unattainable standard as flawless individuals do not exist.

The more you embrace and view your father positively, the more likely you are to encounter better men. This is not solely due to this factor, but also because we inherit half of our traits from our parents. Whatever we dislike about them, we likely possess in some form, and the same goes for their positive qualities. Accept your parents, love them for who they are, and appreciate what they provide, rather than expecting them to be someone they’re not.

Certainly, there are better fathers and mothers, or one is better than the other, however turning our back or being resentful will only harm us.

In addition, the biggest gift you can give to yourself is to forgive.

By being able to forgive (yourself, others, your parents) you let go of anger. And anger stops you from being happy. Anger is a secondary emotion hidden behind sadness. Often the angriest people are really sad people who do not want to forgive.

The pivotal realization is that forgiveness is, in essence, an act for oneself rather than solely for the benefit of the other person.

What I want to convey through my writing is that the way we think and behave is how life is to us. Somehow people have adopted a mindset their life is out of their control when it is just the opposite.

Whatever that bothers you, you have the full power to change it.

You are never too old, too young, too poor, or too rich.

As Ghandi’s famous quote says, You must be the change you wish to see in the world, because it is exactly that. If you do something different you get a different result.

Progress occurs solely through change. Improvement is impossible without it, as is deterioration. Simultaneously, staying the same is also unattainable. Nothing remains constant. Therefore, the decision to either enhance or diminish is entirely in your hands.

Hence, when a woman learns to love and appreciate herself, acknowledging both her strengths and weaknesses, she can wholeheartedly embrace a fulfilling life of her own.

She seeks a partner who can contribute to her happiness and show mutual respect, allowing them to build a family together. A true partnership isn’t characterized by imbalance or dependency; rather, it thrives on mutual support and shared responsibilities.

If this woman encounters behavior below her standards, she gracefully withdraws her presence and attention. There’s no need for anger, shouting, or explanations. She doesn’t aim to change him; instead, she acknowledges that he isn’t what she’s seeking and allows him to be as he is, choosing to move on.

I hope I’ve given you some food for thought. If you would like to share with me your thoughts on the topic in the comments, I am happy to engage in further discussion.

— With so much Love, Enigma. ❤

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