Why Not Enhance Your Life?

How to live a long-lost dream even after grief. It’s okay!

Are you over 60?

Do you have children?

What story do you want to tell them about your life? What story will your kids tell about your life to their kids?

Here are some questions to ask yourself at this stage in your life. (Looking back to all the years past and then looking forward to the fewer years you have left.)

1. How do I measure up to me? Did I measure up?

2. Am I using my gifts and talents I have to the best of my efforts and abilities?

3. What have I learned as I went through grief (the “adversity” I faced)?

4. How can I use those “lessons” to create the most fantastic rest of my life?

5. Will I reboot my life after going through grief?

6. What new behaviors, beliefs, values, strategies, plans, and thoughts can I use to create and live an extraordinary life. To enjoy and love each moment I have now?

Our past doesn’t determine our future.

So, the passing of our husbands shouldn’t control how we live the rest of our lives. Grief shouldn’t hang over us — stopping us from living bodaciously.

Trevor Moawad says it best,

“Each play [our past] has a history and a life of its own. It’s important. It matters. You are responsible for it. But it has nothing to do with what happens next.”

Trevor talks about using Neutral Thinking to advance one’s life from the ordinary to the extraordinary. Neutral Thinking is like Stoic Philosophy. Both stipulate we shouldn’t let our emotions insert themselves into our thoughts. If we do, our emotions affect our capability of seeing the facts of a situation as they truly are. Emotions add stories and biases to what is real and mutate reality. Instead, focus only on what is true — the facts of the situation in the present moment.

So how can we use Neutral Thinking and Stoic Tenets to advance our life towards a dreamed of life we long to live?

First, realize the past is irrevocable. It can’t be changed. So, when we’re judging our situation (being a widow with all the grief emotions), it isn’t easy to clearly see reality. It’s like having cognitive blind spots. Our biases, judgments, and limiting beliefs filter and alter our perception of reality.

The past happened, but it doesn’t mean we have to let it affect or control our next moments, days, weeks, or months of our life. We give too much power to our past by believing it determines what happens now and in our future.

Second, we have to eliminate our supposition that our past is a decisive factor in shaping our future. Our goal is to have an undistorted view of the truth about ourselves and our lives.

Third, when facing an obstacle (a mistake, a relapse into grief, a problem), ask and answer these questions (adapted from Trevor Moawad) to guide you back to your exciting future:

1. What happened?

Be aware of your past thoughts and experiences. Don’t let them control your future. What happened happened. A mistake isn’t the end of the world. A relapse doesn’t mean you have to stay in grief forever. Just remember nothing you can do, think, or have will change it. Accept it. Then, move on.

2. What is happening?

Be grounded in the present. Know the facts of the situation. Be vigilant. Don’t fall into “stinking thinking.” Don’t tell yourself stories that change the reality you’re currently experiencing. Be brutally honest. Tell it like it is to yourself.

3. What will happen?

After seeing what’s happening, make essential adjustments to play better at your life. What can you do next so you can live the dream you always wanted to live? Take the next step that is the best step to get you to your dream and ideal life. Ask what I can do to be better, to move me forward toward my dream life?

By answering these three questions, we can learn from every circumstance we experience, even if it wasn’t an optimal outcome. We’ll know our next action is in our control and is based on reality. Not on the stories we tell ourselves about what happened. We’ll also have a clearer idea of how to move forward to reach and live our dream.

When you strive to take the next best step, you’re on your way to enhancing your life. You’re on your way to living bodaciously. And you’ll have one hell of a story to tell your kids and grandkids. A legacy they can follow and be proud of.

PS I created a guide — “3 Tips for Giving Away Your Husband’s Things”. You can get it by clicking on this sentence. The guide will help you reset your mindset so that guilt won’t stop you from moving on with your life.

Here are links to some of my writer friends -whose stories I think you would enjoy: Tim Maudlin JeffHerring.com Brenda Christopher MaryJo Wagner, PhD Dr Mehmet Yildiz Sunita Pandit Peg Duchesne Trapper Sherwood Kathleen N Hoagland Phil Brakefield Margaret Eves EricAsbeck.com Larry Nowicki William McPeck Steven Zabronsky Jane Gardner Eileen Roth Bill Todd Candy L Hill Marian Hays Brian Basilico Marjorie J McDonald Ntathu Allen Benecia L. Ponder John Kremer Jacquelyn Lynn Kelda Ytterdal Phil Truman Nomanono Isaacs Rick Hoefer Ellen Mogensen Dave Kwiecinski Joan Kent, PhD Roger Himes Terri WardNancy H. Vest Dr Jeanne King PhD Teresa Kuhl Cynthia Charleen Alexander Henery XLinda Miles Murray Thomas Anderson Dr. Sue Massimo Casi Mclean Tom Antion

PPS I’m a widow who refuses to live a life filled with grief but I live a life filled with joy, happiness, and love. I’m allowing my bodaciousness to direct how I will live the rest of my life.

© 2021 and beyond by Linda Kay Halladay. All rights reserved.

I’ve written about my journey out of grief and into bodaciousness. If this story helped you to alleviate some sadness or grief, I invite you to read my other stories about life and the possibilities to experience joy once more.

This story is brought to you by Linda Kay Halladay. Find out more about my travels through grief in my introduction: