Why Must Amal Clooney Give Up Writing For The Sake Of Her Marriage?
All too often women stop doing things they enjoy because it’s perceived as diverting too much attention from their husband
George Clooney has a new movie out, The Midnight Sky, and so of course the beloved actor is all over the media promoting it in this highly unusual pandemic year.
While he was filming it, his wife, human rights attorney Amal Clooney, was months into co-writing her 1,000-page book, The Right to a Fair Trial in International Law, an important legal book that she hopes will be used to protect people from abuses of power as the world becomes more authoritarian.
As luck would have it, her book launch (virtual, of course) happened around the same time as his film came out. And while George sings Amal’s praises and jokes that while he was on Howard Stern’s show during her launch talking about whether he crapped in a cat box, he tells NPR that he could hear from their home offices “all these brilliant barristers and world leaders on Amal’s Zoom talking about, you know, how brilliant this book is and how it’s the game-changer and the book that the — that all of these people have been needing.”
This sounds like a lovely sentiment from half of a powerhouse couple who married six years ago, became parents of twins three years ago and seem to be equals despite their ages — he’s 59 and she’s 42.
Maybe they are, maybe they’re not, maybe they don’t care to be.
And then Amal said things that would indicate they may not be, although her comments were presented by People magazine as a “joke”:
“I know this process seemed interminable to him. Especially since I was always so sure that this was ‘the very last drafting session,’ over and over again. The book drafting took place at all his filming locations and throughout the process he was not only patient but so wonderfully encouraging and inspiring. I think he’s watching this downstairs in the kitchen, so I just want to say ‘thank you.’ For my side, I can promise for the sake of our marriage that I will never do this again!”
So she won’t do something that’s time-intensive but also incredibly important, not just for her but also for the people it’s intended to help, for the sake of their marriage?
In what way would her work on a book possibly have compromised their partnership?
The Clooneys have a nanny, along with chef, an assistant and other household staffers, or at least they did. So it’s likely that Amal didn’t drop the ball on any caregiving or housekeeping duties she might handle.
So again, how would their marriage be challenged?
As someone who has co-written a book while also working full time, I can say that it’s incredibly time-intensive, not just researching and interviewing, but writing and annotating and rewriting and proofreading and also conferring with your co-author— it’s a lot. It can deplete you mentally, physically and sometimes even sexually. You’re often focused primarily on your work — and maybe much-needed sleep — and not your partner.
Which can only mean that Amal was probably not as available to George as she typically is, and either he’s feeling bad about it or she is or they both are.
But I have to assume that directing his latest film, which was filmed in Iceland, as well as starring in it, took a lot of his time and energy, which undoubtably diverted some of his attention from Amal. Would he give that up for the sake of his marriage?
Maybe, but as far as I know he has not said that.
I am reminded of how Kate Manne details in her book, Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women, the “goods” men feel entitled to from women, from sex to admiration to someone else caring for the kids and home. And, as I noted before, to have their feelings attended to. As Manne writes:
“Why, and how, do we regard many men’s potentially hurt feelings as so important, so sacrosanct? And, relatedly, why do we regard women as so responsible for protecting and ministering to them?”
This is not to say that George was moping about anything. But Amal clearly thinks that her needs and her attention to something other than her husband was threatening to their marriage, and so she praised him for doing what any loving spouse would be expected to do — be “patient” and “wonderfully encouraging and inspiring.”
In an earlier People interview, George admits that being quarantined with his family hasn’t been all that hard: “You know, everybody’s been slammed together because of the coronavirus and a lot of friends’ relationships have been tested. For us, it’s been really easy.”
Maybe because Amal has been doing the hard emotional lifting?
I hope Amal doesn’t stop writing if that’s what she wants to do (she contributed to two books previously), even if her husband grumbles about how “interminable” a process it is. And it is, but likely no more or less than producing and starring in a movie with a budget around $100 million.
If a husband can expect a wife’s undivided attention, can a wife? Or is it just women who need to worry about their projects taking away from their romantic partner’s needs?
Hey, I’m working on a book on changing the narrative about middle-aged and older women. Interested? Follow me here, on Medium, and on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, and let’s do this. Want to learn how to create a marriage based on your values and goals? (Of course you do!) Read The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (Seal Press). You can support your local indie bookstore (please do) or order it on Amazon. And we’re now on Audible.
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