avatarJosh Balerite Acol

Summary

The article discusses the potential negative consequences of excessive kindness and offers strategies for maintaining healthy boundaries without feeling guilty.

Abstract

The article titled "Why Is Too Much Kindness Not Healthy But Soon Destroys Yourself?" delves into the pitfalls of being overly kind to the point where it can lead to self-neglect, loss of identity, and exploitation by others. It emphasizes that while kindness is a virtue, it should not come at the expense of one's own well-being. The author, Josh Balerite Acol, shares personal experiences and insights on how to avoid the traps of excessive kindness, such as learning to say no, not adapting to others at the cost of one's own needs, setting clear boundaries, and not over-apologizing. The piece encourages readers to practice self-care and assertiveness, suggesting that a balanced approach to kindness can lead to more fulfilling relationships and personal growth.

Opinions

  • The author believes that constantly prioritizing others' happiness over one's own can lead to self-deprivation, desperation, and bitterness.
  • It is suggested that the inability to say no and the tendency to always give in can result in personal health and happiness being compromised.
  • The article posits that self-care is not equivalent to selfishness and that it is important to be truthful and clear about one's feelings to avoid being misunderstood as mean.
  • The author advises that it is crucial to communicate when one has been hurt by others' actions to prevent being taken for granted or taken advantage of.
  • There is an opinion that being overly empathetic can attract manipulators who exploit one's emotional

INSPIRATION | SELF-LOVE

Why Is Too Much Kindness Not Healthy But Soon Destroys Yourself?

Here are ways to avoid it without feeling at fault

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

“I have understood the tough way that being too kind results in self-deprivation, desperation, and bitterness. Being myself led me to be with people who love me for what I am and inspires me to discover myself and keep on thriving.” — Josh Balerite Acol

Being kind to others is the greatest virtue and wealth you can have in this world.

Nevertheless, too much kindness can hurt you more than you’ll ever realize.

You may not know it, but you are slowly destroying yourself especially your identity as a person.

You see, there is nothing immoral with kindness, but when you are doing it habitually in exchange for your health and happiness, then you are in danger.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfishness. So, don’t feel bad when you disagree with someone sometimes.

You just have to be truthful, crystal clear, and insistent on your feelings, so you don’t sound mean.

As Mahatma Gandhi said:

“You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how to react to it.”

Here are instances that show your excessive kindness and what you can do about it:

  1. You find it hard to say ‘No’ so you always give in:

I have been like this many times before in the past. I fear that turning down people will cause them unhappiness because of me.

I’m scared that saying no will drive them away and I will not fit in, especially for a loved one, a special friend, or colleagues at work.

I am forced to work all day and all night, just to finish what someone wanted me to do, all the while sacrificing my health.

In time, I have discovered that the happiness of others should not be my main concern but my own first.

If a person really cares about you, soon he will value and respect your decision.

I know it's hard to say ‘no’ but having to do it in a firm and polite way makes it easier to handle.

2. You feel lost that you always want to adapt to anyone

Just because you want your needs to be fulfilled you are forced to belong for your own self-preservation. This comes from fear of rejection.

You need not be feeling this way. Try to equip yourself with skills and hobbies to wipe out your weaknesses and build self-confidence.

3. You readily forgive anyone who has offended you

There are times that you can't handle a situation when someone has offended you intentionally or not.

Oftentimes, even if you are not healed yet of your hurting emotions, you quickly pardon because you fear losing the relationship.

To cope with this, make him fully understand when and why you have been pained by his actions. More importantly, let him know about the impact of his unacceptable behavior.

4. You find it hard to voice out your opinions or stand for yourself

This is especially for introverts like me. Can you relate with me, too?

I know it's hard at first to take your stand, but when you get used to saying what you want, or what you need, people will be responsive to the resolute and assertive ‘you’.

5. You are fond of saying sorry even when it's useless and untimely

Are you inclined to say sorry despite the fact that it is the other person’s fault?

Even when he accidentally bumps with you, or wets your dress with a sizzling cup of coffee?

Saying sorry when what you actually mean is to avoid conflict, not being sure where you stand, having to care so much about others’ feelings, apologizing for apologizing, and so many other notions are certainly not proper.

There are several reasons why one is having “over-apologizing syndrome”. One has a very difficult childhood, is suffering emotional abuse, or having too much sympathy for others.

Whatever the situation, take a moment to think. Then, ask yourself if you have done something wrong that entails you to ask forgiveness. If the answer is a big ‘NO’, then you don’t have to say “sorry”, okay?

6. You are too sensitive to others’ emotions, in short being so empathetic

Being empathetic is an extraordinary trait. You readily perceive if someone is confused, worried, and low in spirits.

Be cautious of this though, as you tend to attract manipulators who will use you to their advantage. You fully meet their emotional needs but you yourself get very little out of the relationship.

7. You are always available to anybody, as in overly sweet

There are moments when you have several tasks to finish. But when a friend asks for help, you set aside those, and make yourself available whether physically or emotionally.

Be careful as another may suspect you of having hidden motives due to your extreme goodness.

Otherwise, don’t put away your worries just to help a friend or a loved one in need. Later on, they may take advantage of it, and you’ll be a victim of maltreatment.

To sum it up all, as an adult who constantly needs to develop and succeed in life, you must learn to draw the line between being kind and being too kind.

A fair amount of giving kindness to others radiates harmony, contentment, and gladness.

Meanwhile, too much benevolence, causes others to walk over you at all costs. This turns you into a comfortable doormat for their use and abuse.

By all means, be kind to anybody you meet. But take note, it should be that you want to do it, not just to please.

Every one of us has needs, wants, dreams or ambitions to be equally fulfilled. Conversely, be aware of how it seems thereafter.

Is it a sense of disruption, and bitterness, or better yet satisfaction and happiness?

That’s it for now, dear One!

This is my third-day post for Doc Chief, Dr Mehmet Yildiz’s 100-Day Challenge for New Writers:

I would like to thank and tag the instigator of this writing feat, Doc Chief Dr Mehmet Yildiz, and my amazing writer friends, dear Bhav, Bhavna Narula, pretty Doc Dr. Preeti Singh, Doc Fam Dr. Fatima Imam, Sahil Patel, Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她), Ntathu Allen, and Keno Ogbo.

Thanks a million for dropping by! Be safe and well ever.

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©2021 Josh Balerite Acol All Rights Reserved

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Josh Balerite Acol
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