Why I’m Going To Stop Rekindling Friendships

You don’t need to be friends with everyone, even if you’ve had memorable times.

We’ve all had times when we work hard to rekindle a friendship or let it flow. I’ve learned it the hard way, that sometimes it’s better to do nothing at all. To do no harm but also not work too hard to fix what’s broken or find what's lost.

I felt this for the first time when I dropped 55 lbs. Of course, I suddenly looked different. If I can say, also prettier.

At 19, I got attention from the opposite sex for the first time. And that was okay, but here's what wasn’t — people who knew me since before also suddenly wanted to be friends.

Why didn’t they want to be friends right now, but not years ago?

Just because I looked better?

Say whatever, but the world is a shallow place.

I’ve worked incredibly hard on rekindling my friendships. And many people do, because why would anybody want to lose a friend? Do you have a friend you have sweet memories with that you wish you could go back to but doesn’t exist in your life right now?

Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. It sucks, but perhaps it’s time to reframe the strategy we’ve been following with people.

Sometimes, It’s Easy to Be With Somebody

This was my response to the oldest (age-wise) friend I have. She’s double my age and stays close by. When I had surgery that left me in bed for six weeks, she didn’t call or text. But now that she knows I’m up and better, she wanted to hang out.

It’s easy to be with people when they’re okay.

When they’re fun, successful, and lively.

When they don’t have an added liability attached to them, that becomes a chore for you.

Considering she's in her fifties and mature, I expected this the least from her but it happened. This isn’t age-specific behaviour, it’s just people being who they are.

Those who seek only when all is well won’t stick by when shit hits the fan.

Energy Suckers Are Always Subtle

Since the world is so hyper-connected, it’s easy to get your energy sucked without other people’s help. You look at other people's lives and feel inadequate — major energy sucker right there.

The energy suckers in real life are those who’d put you down, tell you you can’t do it, and talk about themselves all the time. You don’t need such people, and it’s time you stop passing this behaviour off as just ‘traits’.

Your energy is important. Preserve it.

Intentions Matter

Remember, as kids when we had no intentions behind making friends because all we wanted was to be friends? There was no ulterior motive, ask, or status attached to it.

In adulthood, how often do you see this happening?

When somebody becomes big, it’s common to see others suck up to them. When people want to enter your life, try to question their intentions. And no, I’m not telling you to be skeptical.

Know that one person you just vibed with and became friends with? If it’s meant to be, that almost always happens. But if it doesn’t happen this naturally, just take a step back and question. No harm there.

Using a Free Entry-Exit Card

For entry and exit.

They’d cut communications when life gets too busy, but show up when they finally get time. Err, you know your friends who show up when you need them? Adulthood is screwing with them equally as it is with everybody else.

Protect your space.

Nobody should be freely allowed to enter and exit on their own wish. While you want to protect your people and be there for them, protect yourself, too.

Lastly

We don’t need as many friends as we think we do. We don’t need to rekindle old or lost friendships. We don’t need to be so available to acknowledge others.

Those who are true will be there for you from day 1.

My school best friends are with me since I was heavy and stuck with me during my surgery. And guess what? We’re all in different cities, some I haven’t met in over three years. We text occasionally and talk only on birthdays.

But they’re there, and most people who are there for you will be there no matter what. It doesn’t matter how often you meet, but they’ll stick by you through thick and thin.

Note: I got inspired to write this article after reading a piece by Eric Sangerma about rekindling old friendships.