Why I’ll Never Tell You How To Live Your Life

Thank you, Dave Hollis, for reminding us.

In the opening of David Colarossi Ph.D.’s two-part video (Part 1, Part 2) he shared clips of Dave Hollis’s two-hour Instagram Live session and from those clips alone I could tell that it was cringy.

The fact he rambled on for two whole hours about his book.

Stressed that it was only $18 and that it would change your life.

How he dismissed his kids the entire time that he got his 4-year-old daughter crying on the “Porch of Peace”.

All the while ignoring the consent comments from the viewers to “look after your kids”, reading passages of his book, and telling his audience how to be living our lives and that he made this book because it was his true calling in life.

Colarossi did a general psycho-analysis of the meltdown — first in a general sense and the second part about the neglect of his kids — and he raised several good points.

He could understand why Hollis went and did what he did to some degree.

That he poured 18 months of his life and soul into a book and after all that is said and done, he’s not getting the results he’s looking for.

He comes off as desperate and even hateful towards his audience as he lashes out about why people aren’t paying $18 for a book that will “change your life.” Telling people to unfollow him if they don’t buy his book.

But he also embodies a very common problem in the self-improvement industry.

Here is a man who created a book that claims to help you sort out your life while showing to the world that he is a panicked mess who has no clue what his priorities really are.

Here is a man who is telling what others should do while displaying unappealing and cringy behaviour at best.

To Hollis’s credit, and as Colarossi pointed out in his video, Hollis at least hasn’t told his audience that he thinks his life is perfect or that he doesn’t have flaws.

But you still have that element where it feels like he’s talking down at you. After all, he is rambling for two hours about how he’ll start a book club for his book, that the book is only $18 ($30 CAD, by the way, thanks.), telling people to unfollow him unless they buy his book.

As Colarossi discussed, it’s part of the Hollis branding and it’s that part where they get in trouble. They create an air of their lives being good and pristine but there are at times displays of condescension or hostility towards their audience.

It’s their way of shaming people into doing what they want. It’s like they’re offended you didn’t buy the stuff they’re peddling.

It’s next-level white privilege.

The Hollis brands are an extreme example, but there are no doubt people who are inspired by these individuals. Even with the divorce the two had, there are still fans of those individuals.

Just as there are fans of Tony Robbins despite his sexual misconduct.

Some of those people go on to be their own life coaches or mystical gurus. That or they start following those same kinds of tactics as that seems to be the predominant theme in their life.

One life coach I was in contact with brands themselves as someone teaching people to have 4-Dimensional thinking. This is despite her posting conspiracy theories and spreading misinformation.

Another life coach I worked with is involved in politics — a position that demands empathy — and yet is making posts implying other people are responsible for your happiness. This is on top of posting anti-vax posts and being opposed to mandates.

People create courses worth hundreds or even a few thousand dollars and yet they provide the same reused content as other people have done before. Nothing extra. You’re paying extra because their name is in it.

Unfortunately, these things are still going to persist. Every industry has dark aspects to it.

But it doesn’t mean that those involved in any industry ought to stoop to those levels. It shouldn’t mean that your only way to succeed and thrive in any industry is to stab everyone in the back, cheat, and lie to people.

But it goes especially for this industry since we’re all about the flowery aspects of life. We talk to people about how gratitude is good for you and practicing empathy and yet some of us really aren’t good at all at conveying that or stop to think about whether gratitude is appropriate.

There are a growing number of people who are sick and tired of those types of individuals I mentioned above.

Some people are oblivious to the fact that maybe they are doing something wrong. Going back to Hollis’s meltdown, one thing that Colarossi pointed out in his first video is that Hollis believes that everyone in life has this one purpose.

The reality is we don’t. We’re multi-faceted individuals that have goals in many quadrants of life.

Family. Relationships. Health. Wealth. Career. Spiritual Wellness. Mental Wellness.

There are so many things that drive us and give us purpose.

To assume people only have one purpose in life is not so different from the blanket advice of “follow your passion.” It can seem warm and considerate on the surface, but the more you think about it, it’s tone-deaf.

This is the risk that people take when they are higher up on the social ladder and have a better life tell others what to do. And from my experience, these fail in the most spectacular fashion.

Sure they might work for a little bit. We look up to the Hollis’s and Robbin’s of the world and imagine they have everything all figured out.

We give them incredible status and place them on a pedestal.

And yet they’re devastatingly wrong.

You’re going to run into these people all the time in this industry. They’ll tell you that reading this book or taking their course will change your life or bring it to the next level.

Their charm and charisma make it believable that everyone who invests in them are already winners.

But the reality is only some will make it. If any at all.

And that’s understandable. There is no process or method that is guaranteed 100% to work and give you all the results you need. It’s easier to believe that and convey that rather than acknowledging that things may not turn out how you want them to go.

But I know, despite it being the unsexy thing to do, it’s better to tell people about those risks.

It gets easier to tell people that some methods work for people and others may not turn out so well. It even gets easier to admit that you were wrong about certain thoughts or opinions.

But above, these people remind us all to not position ourselves on a high horse and tell people what’s right and what’s wrong.

Dave Hollis is a prime example of how tone-deaf and off-base people can be about certain things.

To his credit, he again hasn’t gone out to say that he’s figured out all of life’s mysteries and that he’s perfect. But he hasn’t admitted that he has flaws that need addressing that could hurt him later down the road if he continues to neglect them.

He still fails to realize that his own daughter asked him several times that she wanted pancakes and he continues to neglect her.

We need to keep growing. We’re not flawless people nor will we ever be.

This is why I’ll never tell people that certain methods will always work. They always have a chance but there is no guarantee.

So thank you again, Dave Hollis, for reminding us of this.

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