Why I won’t Shut up at Meetings

Wallflower:

A shy or excluded person at a dance or party, especially a girl without a partner.

I was the wallflower at our High School Ball when I was 17. Dressed in a pastel blue crepe gown with my long black hair masterfully plaited and tastefully draped over a shoulder, contact lenses in, and make-up skillfully applied by an older sister — none of it made any difference.

When the cool kids have got it in for you, you’re toast.

In my case, I was different looking because I was a Chinese girl brought up in an Australian-English family.

I was different because I was me, and that person then was not a confident human being with self-compassion or self-confidence.

Fast forward to being an adult, one of those who go to group training courses and work meetings with 3 or more people present.

If you’re like me (or you were) you will hold yourself back and politely not ask too many questions at training sessions, because you are eager to let everyone have their say.

I was the one who waited with bated breath for everyone to take equal turns at commenting or asking questions, and would inwardly seethe at the one person who wantonly took the limelight, outrageously squeezing out would-be questioners and their terribly important input.

A good meeting was a “just” meeting. It was just that I wasn’t aware back then that by striving for perfection, I had lost sight of the goal of myself being an “organic” participant.

A group member uncontrolled by social expectations shows her or his true self.

At very small work meetings I had my say when I wanted to when I felt safe or comfortable to do so, and also I really listened to and understood what others said.

Then why did those around me at our meetings gang up on me sometimes, and their discordant voices grate upon me and lead to me feeling upset?

For example, I pointed out one day that in the future the computers could all go offline, so we would benefit from having a print-out of our File listings, so we would be able to find things.

The manager said “aww no, that’s not likely to happen” and shrugged.

“Yeah but … “ I began to say, when my 2 other work colleagues eagerly stepped in and agreed with her.

“That won’t happen”.

Written on their faces was “Read my lips …… who cares what you think?”

Feelings of angst flushed up from my very insides — a deep well of it — but I applied “grimace and bear it.” They silenced me as I pondered things.

Maybe it’s tea-time, it surely must be the end of the meeting at least? They really must either want a biscuit or get back to work!

Another time I commented that the titling of our files had to be consistent and that it was correct to use the word “Grant” in the expression “Grant application”, not “Grants” as in Grants application.

My colleagues didn’t give a toss, and the manager pointed out that somebody looking for a grant applicant’s grant application could find it by some other search criterion, such as the applicant’s name.

Well, this time I wasn’t giving up so easily.

“Yeah, but what if somebody new looks up ‘grant’ together with the person’s name, but the name is spelled wrong, then they won’t find it.” For example, the title in the dataset is literally “Grants for Lai,” but should be “Grant for Lai.”

Search B below should give the result, but:

A - Search of: GRANTS + LAY = would give no result

B - Search of: GRANT + LAI = would give no result

C - Search of: GRANTS + LAI = Grant for Lai would be the result, based upon searching the exact term GRANTS as well as the exact term LAI

Glazed looks in eyes. I look pained and gradually my manager says to the others “Celine is right, our file titles do have to be consistent, and grant is correct not grants.”

Score for Celine! The little victories counted.

Since then I have thrown away my “Miss Nice Girl, wait-for-others-to-have-their-say” cloak; and spoken out at work meetings like a trooper.

Not that I have had many troopers following me.

There have been some sensational “fails”, like when we merged with another organization and I was promised to be in charge of sending inactive files off-site.

80% of the doing is in the planning, so I produced lists of items to be eventually destroyed and items to be kept permanently.

I waved them around passionately saying “Here, the team just needs to tick the files of this list, and box up like with like, to keep records with the same or similar retention periods together.”

The song of the siren could not have got a better reception than me.

The supposed team turned away as if I was not only a false promise, but also the Medusa who would turn them into stone, and the supplication of my hard work fell on deaf and ignorant ears.

The new “team leader” organized someone to grab handfuls of files of the shelves and shove them into boxes, and when pale-faced, I said that this method meant that some files would be retained for longer than they needed to be, the response was “Don’t you worry about that, you’re not paying for them.”

OMG. That day was both a nightmare and a wake-up call for me.

I love the field of records management but HAD I let others keep leading me down a path of soul-destroying nonchalance and intolerance, I would have backed out of trying to contribute to meetings, at the speed of lightning.

I consciously made a decision to speak out even more at meetings.

Work life is curious. I find that at all of our meetings and training sessions, that I am the smallest with the smallest voice, and sometimes I feel as though I am a nonentity; yet I am the one who speaks up the most.

Even though my suggestions may not be wanted, and thus ignored; or may even be laughed at behind my back, I will continue to voice my opinions and beliefs at meetings.

While others are passive, I will often be their voice.

Those in authority may disregard my abilities and my genuineness, and some may erroneously equate my being small with my not being so competent.

However, I know that at times, some of my team members are grateful for me speaking out.

I know that there are things that I say at meetings, which are taken into account by various people, including those “in charge”.

Meetings are for a meeting of minds. Why have a meeting if people think that they won’t be heard?

You are just making excuses and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy if you decide that you won’t be heard at a meeting, so you clam up.

All it takes is for one person one day to listen to and support you, for your meeting to be successful.

I know that I have the right to free my speech.

And it is for this reason that I won’t shut up at meetings.