Howl

Why I Fantasize About Lactating During Sex

It’s all about intimacy, connection…and raw, primal pleasure

A few months ago, I had a conversation with my sister in which she described some encounters she’d had on a breast milk forum, with men who had what I can only call “breast milk fetishes.” She seemed a little freaked out about what had happened, so I kept quiet about my own fetishes involving breast milk and lactation.

Since I had, at the time, been increasingly honest about my sexuality here in my writing, I decided to share my feelings about the subject, especially after doing some research and finding out that I’m not alone in my strange little sexual fantasies around lactation.

In the past month, the original article seems to have resurfaced, and I’ve been getting tons of emails and DMs from readers asking me for more information or to share my experiences with them. Being as I don’t have time to individually answer everyone, nor would my boundaries around my sexuality allow me to share very personal information about myself in private messages with people I don’t know, I decided to revisit the subject in a more public manner.

So here we go…

The kink

The original article I wrote was to describe a sexual fantasy I have had since I was a young woman — to let a lover drink milk from my breasts during sex. I have all kinds of kinks around breasts and nipples, so it’s not at all weird or surprising to me that I have fantasized about this for as long as I can remember.

I never shared that with anyone before, however, because I have always been aware that there are a lot of taboos around the subject. I just went on with my life, assuming I’d have a baby someday, and then one night, when getting frisky with my partner while the baby was sleeping, I’d casually ask for some nipple sucking (which is an essential part of a sexual experience for me, anyways) and if he or she happened to get my flow going…oh darn. Might as well go with it, though, right?

But as I discovered, I am not alone when it comes to this particular kink. It’s also an actual fetish. In fact, there are lots of fetishes around breast milk.

My particular fantasy falls under the category of “erotic lactation.” Sex educator Kait Scalisi, MPH, defines this very simply: “Erotic lactation is the eroticizing of lactation or lactating bodies.”

This fetish can be expressed in a number of ways, far too diverse to describe here. But in general, it involves sexual pleasure and erotic enjoyment of the breasts, nipples, and the expression (and sometimes ingestion) of breast milk.

My experience

Unfortunately, I’ve never had the chance to realize my fantasy. I have only been pregnant once, and I had a miscarriage just before the second trimester. I doubt I will have another chance at pregnancy again (nor am I convinced I want that), and as such, I will likely never experience lactation unless I end up in a relationship in which my partner and I decide to try other ways to induce it.

As for my fantasies, they aren’t much different than my standard breast-related fantasies. Just add breast milk.

It’s hard for me to really explain all my fetishes around breasts. But I doubt I really have to — who doesn’t get turned on by breasts? I mean, shit…they are the most glorious part of the human body. (No offense, guys.)

For me, breast play is something I experience and fantasize about in a way that is hard to describe. I feel both the arousal of wanting to do it and wanting to experience it. In other words, it’s an intense turn-on to think about drawing milk from another woman’s breasts. But also, as a woman myself, it’s even more of a turn-on to imagine it happening to me. My fetishes and kinks around the female body are intensely layered and complex because of this dance between wanting to experience another woman’s body and knowing so deeply the pleasure my own body gives me during a sexual encounter.

The breast milk comes into play for a number of reasons. First, I already enjoy such intense pleasure when a lover sucks on my nipples. I can feel it all the way down to my clit, as if my lover is trying to draw a liquid out of the bowl of my pelvis, up through my nipple. The idea of actual liquid coming out of me and squirting or dribbling into a lover’s mouth during this experience is fiercely arousing.

There’s something about the textures of the experience that also inflames me. I love the juxtaposition of breast and nipple — the warm, almost hot, incredibly smooth skin of the breast, its total malleability and eagerness to conform to whatever vessel contains it (mouth, hand, fingers), all that flesh culminating in the knobby, bumpy, painfully swollen nipple. Imagining milk emerging from that hard nipple, seeking an eager tongue to lap it up, makes me insane with desire.

And speaking of juxtapositions, I find it achingly sexy to feel the opposing circuits of desire that run through my body. At one end, I ache to consume, to take flesh inside me and hungrily draw it as deep into me as it can go. At the other end, I long to be consumed, to feel the sensation of a warm, wet mouth enclosing my sensitive nipple, and literally swallowing the liquid that it produces. It is the yin and yang of the female body, at once ravenously selfish and unceasingly generous.

Erotic lactation is also the one reason why I somewhat understand the need that so many of my former partners had to spray their semen all over me. There’s something about covering your partner in bodily fluids… I find the idea of doggedly cowgirlin’ a lover while dripping milk all over him to be wildly, overwhelmingly erotic.

The taboo

The taboos around this fetish are what stopped me for too long from sharing my fantasies with lovers. And I’m not immune to falling prey to the tendency to judge, either. When I did research for the original article, I discovered that some erotic lactation is explored through “adult nursing relationships” or ANR, in which one partner literally breastfeeds another on a consistent basis as an expression of sexual and emotional intimacy.

I wrote that I found the term “nursing” to be distasteful. What I meant, of course, was that it felt uncomfortably close to a demonstration of motherhood, and I was getting a little weirded out by that — even as I went on to complain about our sexist insistence that motherhood should negate a woman’s sexuality.

In the months since then, I’ve had to continue “unpacking my shit” around this topic and lean into curiosity instead of judgment or fear.

Because the truth is, even if the word “nursing” is uncomfortable for me in a sexual situation, that is part of the turn-on for me. Though I’m not into infantilism (no judgment — it just doesn’t do it for me), I am seriously aroused by the thought of spending half an hour letting a partner drink from my breasts.

The interesting thing is, I engaged in this kind of behavior all the time with my last partner. He had a huge breast fetish, too, and our nightly cuddles in front of the TV would often evolve into nearly an hour of him gently sucking on and nibbling at my nipples while I stroked his dick and played with his balls. I just didn’t happen to be lactating.

So why should it be taboo if I was?

I actually love the idea of the addition of breast milk to that kind of sexual encounter. I love the idea of being able to literally nourish a partner, to give him or her food and pleasure and connection. It’s romantic, sexy, and sensual.

The truth is, it is impossible to ask a woman to separate the mother from the lover. Our bodies were created so that motherhood and sexuality collide — one cannot exist without the other. It’s only our patriarchal system that insists we must compartmentalize what cannot be compartmentalized.

The more I talk about this and hear people bravely sharing their discomfort around this subject, the more I think we are moving in the right direction. Let’s keep talking about it and facing that discomfort and learning how to recognize the totality of womanhood without attaching sexually damaging labels to it.

Mammals want what mammals want

I’m convinced that erotic lactation and other associated breast fetishes are far more common than we think. We are mammals, after all. So much of our reproductive functions revolve around breasts, nipples, and milk. Whether it’s a pair of breasts or man-pecs or anything in between, let’s face it: most of us are probably wired to get aroused by the human chest.

I’ve also been pleasantly surprised by the influx of correspondence I have received from men who are super into erotic lactation. Some of them have told me detailed stories of their own experiences, and let me tell you, it was hot. (Yes, it’s true, I will most likely stop and read an email about someone’s experience with erotic lactation even if I’m super busy because frankly, that’s my catnip.)

It makes me think of all the lovers who have stroked my breasts while sucking on my nipples, who have gently nibbled on them, who have rooted hard at them while pounding into me, who have tugged and tugged and tugged at my nipple, so hard it almost hurt in the most delicious way possible…

I find it so pleasurable not just because it feels good, but because it’s like a sexual form of breastfeeding, because…god help me for using this term…it’s like being milked. And I’m just a pervy little mammal who gets off on that.

I want to be tugged at, thumped on, pulled, and sucked. I want to spill my liquid into someone’s mouth while he’s spilling his liquid into me.

This article was written for Howl by Yael Wolfe, a weekly column. © Yael Wolfe 2020

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