Why I Choose to Spend So Much Time Alone

Summary

The author discusses their preference for solitude as a means to avoid loneliness, the challenges of dealing with unexpected loneliness, and the need for a new strategy to manage it.

Abstract

The author reflects on their choice to spend time alone, valuing the freedom and peace it brings. They distinguish between chosen solitude, which is empowering and fulfilling, and unchosen loneliness, which can lead to anxiety and self-pity. After a holiday alone by choice and a weekend of unexpected loneliness due to a cancelled date, the author acknowledges the need to better manage feelings of loneliness that arise from external circumstances. They recognize the emotional toll of trying to control every aspect of life to avoid loneliness and express determination to develop a new approach to maintain emotional well-being.

Opinions

The author enjoys solitude as it allows personal freedom and mental peace without the need to cater to others' preferences.
Chosen solitude is seen as a way to prevent loneliness, as it is a deliberate decision that aligns with the author's preference.
Unexpected loneliness, such as when plans fall through, can lead to negative emotions like sadness and anxiety.
The author acknowledges their struggle with the unpredictability of loneliness and its impact on their mental state.
There is a recognition that the current strategy of isolating to preempt loneliness is not effective.
The author is introspective about their need to control their environment to avoid loneliness and sees this as unsustainable.
They express a commitment to finding a healthier way to cope with loneliness, indicating a desire for personal growth and resilience.

My never ending effort to shoot first.

I spend a lot of time alone. I’m pretty sure I’m doing it wrong. For me, being alone is a preemptive strike against loneliness. I know that sounds weird. Hold on.

I enjoy being alone and it lets me have the freedom to do whatever I want. I don’t have to worry about what other people want to do, plans they want to make. It gives me the quiet time for my own thoughts, for my brain to slow down and find a little peace.

When I choose to be alone it means I’m in control. There’s no loneliness because it was my decision and my preference.

My family cancelled Thanksgiving because my dad was sick. Friends stepped in and asked if I wanted to join them. It was a sweet offer. I declined. I chose instead to spend the holiday alone because it sounded nice and relaxing and calm. I could spend quality time with my daughter and we could stay in our pajamas all day long. It was an amazing holiday. Then Thursday passed.

I have had two dates with a guy. It’s not serious. It’s enjoyable. We had tentative plans for date number three this past weekend. Not having any concrete plans for Thanksgiving, he took the opportunity to go an hour or so north to his buddy’s house. I think he has some alone issues too.

He didn’t tell me he’d be gone all weekend. I thought I had a date. Friday came around and I had no plans. I had no date. I had no choice in this. Had I planned do something enjoyable with my day, even if I was alone, my mind set would have been different.

This is not about the guy. It’s not about the date. It’s about nothing more than me not being able to control my loneliness.

I get lonely and I don’t like it. It makes me sad and it makes me anxious. The kind of anxious where you pace the floor and shake your hands and hurry to tidy up the house even though it’s already clean because you don’t quite know what to do with yourself.

When I choose to be alone I can sit and read a book in solitude for hours. When I am lonely I can’t concentrate on a damn word.

I am not doing this right. Internal vs. External influence has too much bearing on how I feel. It brings too many ups and downs. I’m too easily swayed. Isolating myself as the preemptive strike isn’t working. I need a new strategy.

I need to figure out how to keep the loneliness at bay when I don’t have control over it. If I don’t, I will control every last minute of my life to the point of emotional suffocation. Just to avoid feeling lonely.

This is the tough work. But, this is the work I get to be proud of. This is going to be the work than means somewhere in the future you get to read something from me about how I kicked loneliness’s ass. Wait for it. It’ll happen.