Your Single Friend at the Holidays: A Tutorial
Because we could spin off the Earth any minute now.
I wrote a post two days ago about absolutely owning Thanksgiving. Then I didn’t get off my couch for two days.
Everybody has single friends. Some may be newly single. Some may be on year 17 of being single. Regardless, we all row the same boat.
I have spent the last two days decorating every inch of my house for Christmas.
I summoned the spirit of the holidays as best I could. It’s not working. This. Shit. Is. Hard.
I have spent more time on social media than I ever should have and everyone’s happy family pictures and holiday vacations and cute couple pictures have sucked the life out of me. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy for you. Unbelievably happy for you. At the same time I feel…forgotten.
So all you happily coupled or even happily singled people, I offer you a tutorial on how to handle your single friends. Just so that you know.
For the love of God invite us out.
We want to feel wanted. We may not need it. We want it. We have grown strong and resilient and independent. This does not negate the wonderful feeling of our company being wanted. Inviting us to come along means getting off the couch and pulling ourselves away from Hallmark movies that are not helping our situation.
When we invite you out, go.
This may seem like obligation. It is. You may not want to do anything and you may have something fantastically more fun to do. Understand that inviting you do be with us takes some courage and makes us face our neediness but revel in the fact that YOU are needed. You have no idea what being present for us means. It’s a lot. If you go, we go. Otherwise, we may get stuck on our couch and the couch is the devil’s playground.
Don’t put up with our bullshit.
Remind us of the great things in our life. We may not be able to see them right now. What we see if a perfectly decorated tree no one else is going to enjoy. We will get down. We will wallow. Don’t tolerate our bullshit. Tough love is okay if it comes from a good place. We’re not afraid of it. The love we have for ourselves is way tougher. Trust me.
Let us love you.
Not having a significant other to be there for at the holidays means you’re up to bat. We need to feed someone. We need to make a pie for you. We need to buy you dumb gifts if they are even just a ridiculous magnet we saw at the half priced book store. You don’t need to give anything in return. Just let us feel the value of giving.
Know that this is hard.
Writing this piece is hard. The massive amount of leftovers we have in our refrigerator because we made Thanksgiving dinner for 8 people is hard. The quiet is hard. Just understand that.
I’d love to say I am owning post-Thanksgiving euphoria, but I’m not. Fighting off the blues and moodiness and reclusiveness is going to be hard work. I’ll do it. I’ll snap out of it. I really have no choice. At least I’m honest with myself that it’s there.
Help us keep that emptiness at bay. The space that’s there is actually so small that you have no idea how much the smallest of actions can fill it. We do. We fill it every day. Sometimes, it just takes one more small pile of dirt. If you don’t have a shovel, you can borrow mine. I’ve broken it in.
Navigating that midlife awakening and trying to figure out what to do with it. I got you. Get on my mailing list now! I have exciting things coming up! You don’t want to miss it.
Vanessa Torre is a writer and a midlife coach for women looking to make remarkable changes so they can live a creative, fulfilling, and profitable life. Learn more at www.vanessatorre.com.