Why I Call Him Mr Right
Because he’s never been wrong in his life
My ex made an open confession to me about 10 years ago, that he has never been wrong about ANYTHING in his life.
Let me give you the context.
My ex suffers (and I use the term loosely because I didn’t see much suffering on his side) from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
But I didn’t know that then.
We started dating in 1991, but met years earlier as our Mothers knew each other. I was 18. I had left the prison that most call high school and was loving my life in the adult world. My high school years were, at that point, the worst years of my life. I was bullied, relentlessly.
I was the kid everyone picked on. Back then there was no Instagram. Your harassers wrote the lies all over the toilet walls for the world to see, put notes on your back as you walked by saying “trip me up”, and the next in the tag team would oblige. If you timed your bathroom visit poorly you could find your head flushed down a toilet.
I hated school. Like the other unfortunate souls, who shared the same fate as me, I spent my lunch break in the library.
They found me there too.
One day one of the ringleaders said to me “if anyone ever asks you to marry him, you better say yes, because no-one else ever will”.
Now it sounds ridiculous, but I now realize that it cut deep and changed my perception of my own worthiness of love. 30 years later I remember that conversation in the library like it was yesterday.
I dropped out of school a few months later, before I was due to graduate. A student with so much potential, running away as fast as she could.
The words never left me, and when my paths crossed again with Mr Right, and he paid me attention, it was enough for me.
Mr Right was illiterate, very average to look at, but talented when it came to working with his hands. He said he wanted to build us a house, have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after. I believed him.
As for me, looking back on the photos taken at the time, there was nothing wrong with the way I looked. I had achieved excellent grades at school, despite the bullying. I planned to return to study, travel, write and marvel.
Marveling, it remains to this day my favorite thing to do. The thing is, if you already know everything, you are incapable of marveling.
Years went by and gradually I watched him ‘shed’ people. I witnessed intense blow ups with family and friends. Time after time we were suddenly leaving family events or other gatherings because someone had offended him (often my sister, who saw through him years before I did).
I spent my days perpetually confused. Unable to reconcile the way he treated me with how much he said he loved me. I never quite worked it out. Not till after I got out, 24 years after we got together and started counselling.
However I knew about 15 years into that relationship that something was very very wrong.
He had cut ties with his sister, because she didn’t agree with him on the handling of a big issue affecting the family. His position on this situation was utterly bizarre. His sister was totally in the right, but he wiped her and her family, like they were garbage. I was devastated because she was my closest friend and I dearly loved her and her family.
I was so upset that in a rare moment of intense bravery I asked him
“If you were wrong, about anything, could you admit it?”.
His answer was so calm, and his expression was as if I had asked him if he wanted cereal or toast.
“Of course, it’s just never happened”.
I’m serious.
I knew then that I was never going to be able to reason with this man. But we had a young son with a severe disability and life was intensely complex. I was in prison. I saw no way out.
That was in 2006. 4 years ago I did get out.
He still hasn’t got a thing wrong.
That’s why I call him Mr Right.