Why Having Non-Sexual, Platonic Friends Is A Superpower We All Need

Friendships with the opposite gender can be more than just potential sex partners

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”

— American Philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson —

“Why do you have so many female friends?”

Every time, I get asked this, I wonder that myself.

It’s a question that invokes as much jealousy from men and women as it does curiosity. On the surface, it seems like I’m keeping a constant backup line of women in the event, I need a hassle-free sex partner. Because why else would a man keep so many women in his life? What other possible explanation could a man have for keeping excess female connections?

I don’t know — maybe I just like having good friends.

The platonic friendship riddle has perplexed humanity ever since the discovery of sex. No matter how hard we try to make sense out of it, it always comes down to the same question.

“Can a man and woman actually stay platonic friends?”

However, I think we’re all approaching this wrong. Attraction is mysterious — we all keep people in our lives for various reasons. Sometimes, it’s due to feelings of desire and lust. Or perhaps, unrequited love. For others, it’s mutually beneficial such as being coworkers or partners with mutual interests.

But more often than not, we need pure connections. We need relationships that reminds us that not all human connection is about what we can get. Sexual attraction is a powerful force of nature…but it doesn’t have to be the only reason a man is attracted to a woman. Friendship is more than a glorified Quid-Pro-Quo exchange — it’s a spark of mutual respect.

A hidden superpower when used in the right hands.

But with every great friendship, comes great responsibility.

There needs to be understood boundaries of what’s acceptable…and what isn’t.

Platonic Female Friends Can Be Real Friends Too

For many men, female friendship is a tricky concept. When people first meet, it’s easier as the dopamine high of having someone your new in your life takes hold. However, no matter what happens after that, it’s important to understand their place in your life. While some attractions lead to the bedroom, many times it ends up leading to somewhere neutral.

The dreaded friendzone.

But, is being in the friendzone really that bad? Many times the “friendzone” is used as a derogatory for people who are being respectful to the boundaries of others. Other times, it’s there to shame others for not asserting their selves more and placing their self in an uncomfortable dynamic.

Respect is two-way street — and it’s something that both parties have to be cognizant of. When sexual attraction is involved, both sides need to be upfront and honest, about their feelings. If someone is feeling unrequited love, or ya know, the thirst of a blind man in a desert, it’s going to be really hard to just “be friends”. Or even be in the same area together. Knowing when to draw the line, and walk away is also an option. Not all friendships were meant to be, and that’s okay. If it protects your sanity, leave the friendzone and never look back.

However, when platonic friendships are created, they’re incredible!

Regardless, of how you see it, platonic friendships are real — and they have immense benefits for those that engage in them. Cross-sex friendships allow you to see the other perspective, and engage with the opposite gender without penalty. It builds you into a better partner because you become more accustomed to the needs of the opposite sex. Some women have more guy friends, and vice versa, because they find their energy more accommodating.

On top of that, it doesn’t have to have any benefits at all.

Sometimes, it’s just nice to find someone that matches your energy without the pesky need for sex.

Why Cross-Sex Friendships Are So Hard

Time is a cruel mistress, and it’s something we can’t change or control. Only accept. As time marches forward, it becomes harder to do certain things in life.

Friendships with the opposite sex are often casualties of time.

When we’re young, it’s easy to form those bonds. Low commitment dating and a million different dating apps allow humans to form bonds at lightning speeds. Hell, before you realize it, you already created good friends before you realize it. Plus, the time spent being in mutual spaces like college and work allow those bonds to grow deeper.

But that shit changes as we get older — they take on a different form.

As we push into our thirties and beyond, it’s harder to just “be friends”. At that point, it’s less about dating and more about potential life partners. The no-strings, low commitment lifestyles of our youth begin to fade away as the need commitment for increase.

Then you throw in everything else. The long list of relationship pressure that society throws on our shoulders. The commitment. The potential for marriage. The finances. The kids. The friends that will ask questions every time you hangout with the opposite gender. The family opinions. The sacrifice of individuality. The rest of your life, foreshadowed years in advance.

All of a sudden, every relationship feels heavier. Then when you do find yourself in a relationship, let’s hope your significant other is okay with any cross-sex friendships you built along the way.

All of a sudden it’s a bit harder to be “just friends” when you’re in a committed relationship. Now, you have to factor how your significant other, your kids, your family, and social validation, when everybody sees you hanging out with them. On top of all that, when things start going wrong, your “friends” could become an escape from the woes of your relationship. You may crave positivity from the opposite gender — just not from the person you’re with. And with every great emotional affair, there’s always that pesky thought of “what if….”?

It’s not that cross-sex friendships are hard, or even impossible. They’re just messy, and they get even messier as we grow older.

Conclusion

Cross-sex friendships can be a joy for everyone involved. They demonstrate a level of maturity and respect that’s increasingly rare in our self-centered society. It’s a superpower and underrated part of our lives as human beings.

However, it’s also increasingly important to understand the nuance of boundaries. Cross-sex friendships are great, but when thoughts of sex come to mind, we have to be honest with each other.

With every great platonic friendship, comes great platonic responsibility.

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Dayon Cotton is Active Duty US Navy and Freelance Writer. I write dope articles about social issues, life lessons, and advice on how to live a better life. Stay safe out there!