Summary

The web content humorously argues that Friends-of-Medium People (FOMPs) are superior to non-FOMPs, citing their exclusive access to Medium events, positive influence on stories, storytelling prowess, and linguistic creativity.

Abstract

The article titled "Why Friends-of-Medium People Are Better Than Other People" on the undefined website humorously extols the virtues of FOMPs, a term officially recognized by Medium. It suggests that FOMPs are not only wealthier but also inherently better in various human and sub-humanly possible ways. The piece outlines several advantages of being a FOMP, such as invitations to exclusive Medium raves, the ability to enhance stories and their writers' outcomes, and the power to always ensure happy endings in their narratives. FOMPs are also credited with the unique ability to invent new words without criticism and are anticipating a new line of books catered specifically to them. The article playfully contrasts FOMPs with non-FOMPs, implying the latter are less favored and lack the same level of influence and privilege.

Opinions

FOMPs are believed to be far superior to non-FOMPs, enjoying benefits such as wealth, influence, and exclusive access to events.
The author suggests that FOMPs contribute positively to the Medium community by enhancing stories and providing writers with better rewards and personal benefits.
FOMPs are humorously described as having the power to create new words without the usual editorial scrutiny, a privilege not afforded to non-FOMPs.
The article implies that non-FOMPs are less fortunate, lacking the advantages and recognition that FOMPs receive.
The author uses satire to emphasize the perceived exclusivity and elite status of FOMPs within the Medium platform.
There is a tongue-in-cheek proposal to build a wall to separate FOMPs from non-FOMPs, further highlighting the satirical nature of the article.

FIEND-OF-MEDIUM

Why Friends-of-Medium People Are Better Than Other People

Join the club and beat others over the head with it

**Except FOMPs 😀** Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash

For those of you not in the know, FOMPs are Friends-of-Medium People. That’s an official term, straight from Medium.

And everyone knows that FOMPs are far better than other people, AKA the non-FOMPs.

Sure FOMPs have more money to throw around than others, but this fact alone doesn’t account for all of their superiority, although it helps, A LOT!

In no particular order of importance, the list below outlines all the reasons FOMPs outstrip non-FOMPs in every way humanly possible, and in some ways that are sub-humanly possible … mostly those actually.

⭐️ FOMPs get invited to all the cool Medium raves

The last Medium rave I attended featured a hot game of bobbing for apples. Or at least I think that’s what they called it. I was kinda woozy from all the free Medium “treats.”

As a result I was dismissed early.

Actually I was sent home after biting some kind of fruit.

Wait a sec, that sentence seems all wrong.

But, I’m still kinda woozy, so help me a brother out and let’s edit this sentence together. (non-FOMPs are welcome to submit helpful comments about my fruit sentence but I will only read helpful comments from FOMPs. Still, non-FOMPs, comment and feel good that your comment was allowed into a FOMP’s story! So there’s that.)

🌟 FOMPs are loved

Because when they massage a story with their kindly attention and ministrations that story’s writer gets four times the loot and a warm tingle all over.

Also, after a FOMP viewing/reading drive-by, the story’s writer can eat all the chocolate they want without getting fat and pimply.

And just as magically, the story’s writer will be able to kiss their stunning lover first thing in the morning, while still in bed, and their breath won’t smell like a moldy gym sock. Also they won’t have eye gorp or cheek spittle and their hair will be perfect.

Non-FOMPs … meh.

⭐️ FOMP-written stories always have happy endings

And I mean that in just the way you’re thinking about right now.

And if you weren’t thinking about happy endings in the way that I’m now suggestively suggesting … now you are.

That’s FOMP power. Changing hearts and minds.

Non-FOMP story endings are either arid or limp (you choose), NEVER happy.

🌟 FOMPs can make up words

And the red squiggle of editing doom will not appear beneath their neologisms.

Non-FOMP plebes get burnt finger tips from their computer keyboards when they try to invent cool new words.

It is a well-known fact that Lewis Carroll was the OG FOMP, and — in his spare time — a slithy tove.

⭐️ A new line of “For FOMPs Only” books will shortly be issued

Planned titles include:

Moby FOMP
A Tale of Two FOMPs
FOMP Quixote
How to Kill a Mockingbird and a FOMP and Get Away With It

Non-FOMPs will have to settle for a Hallmark special.

🌟 Partial anagrams of “non-FOMP” include the word “poof”

Also: poon, mono, fomo, moop, and noop

FOMP anagrams include: cool, rad, dank, lit, gnarly, and happenin’

I will now return to my special FOMP club, the one where I’m getting bottle service from Kate Beckinsale, Rihanna, and Mother Teresa.

We’re having a meeting about how to build a wall to keep out the non-FOMPs. There’s a proposal afoot to make the non-FOMPs pay construction costs.

Need still more FOMP foolishness?

First MAGA, Now MAGO

Seems only fair

medium.com

BTW — this is the happy ending you were waiting for.

Tagging: Justiss Goode - 2.0 and Robin Wilding 💎cuz I know they like a good game of tag.