Relationships
Why Do Women Threaten Suicide?
But rarely act upon it.
I know four women who regularly threatened suicide whenever their romantic relationships were in crisis. Suicide is serious. It’s infinite.
It pains me when people use “suicide threats” as a tool to control, manipulate and inflict fear on others, especially people, who actually love them. The word suicide evokes strong emotions, especially since suicide accounts for 1.3% of all deaths worldwide.
My friend's wife keeps on threatening suicide whenever he disagrees with her. Recently she took a knife and threatened to hurt her unborn baby. She promised she would change, the next day she threatened to jump out of the window.
Her labour is approaching and they are both desperate. He scheduled a meeting with a psychiatrist, she bailed.
My other friend’s ex-girlfriend has overdosed on multiple occasions, usually when he caught her cheating and lying. Instead of dealing with the issue at hand — she took pills. Before doing so, she told him “If you loved me, you would understand me!”.
Her mental health deteriorates whenever a relationship comes to an end. He finally managed to flee the toxic relationship and she overdosed — she survived, but she is still toxic. Now instead of reaching Oxy, she is using their child to control and manipulate him.
My uncle's wife self-harmed a lot. When I was 12 I witnessed her assaulting him because he came a home an hour later than agreed. When I was 16 she broke his arm. They are still together but we don’t keep in touch with her, so, unfortunately, we are unable to keep in touch with him — she monitors his calls to the wider family. Her son managed to escape, he is in college and has a bad relationship with her.
He has witnessed her emotional, psychological and physical abuse of his father.
Threatening to hurt oneself is a serious case, but in some cases, however, threats of suicide or of self-harm are a means of controlling or manipulating another person. It’s emotional blackmail.
My friend is devasted. He feels like he has no choice but to do exactly what she says in order to avoid a tragedy. We are unable to figure out why is she acting this way when she declines to see a professional.
Suicide risk is often associated with mental illnesses such as depression, eating disorders and substance abuse. People with borderline personality disorder or narcissists may display such behaviour. These people are highly destructive.
Using these tactics is a tool to coerce, extort others. And it can actually consider as an unlawful act. If your partner is making regular threats to commit suicide they are being severely cruel to you.
If someone keeps inflicting fear of suicide on you, they are causing you severe injury and you may start feeling that it is very unsafe to live with your spouse. My friend is considering moving away, even though he would never wish to leave his wife alone and pregnant — whatever he does or doesn't do, make things worse.
He is not even walking on eggshells, the eggshells are stuck to his feet, causing him to bleed.
When it comes to the law, if threats of committing suicide are given by the wife, though they don’t have the intention to commit it, this can amount to mental cruelty. Making suicide threats as use of control is more real and present than you think. In some cases, this behaviour can be criminal intimidation.
What Steps To Take When Someone You Love Threatens Suicide
- Do Not Argue
Instead of suggesting that your partner should go to the doctor, make arrangements to go together to see a professional. Show empathy, care and love but keep your boundaries. Always try to “deescalate” the situation, think of your partner as being “unwell”, nothing you say or do, when they are in this state of mind, will make them realize what harm they are causing. In times of crisis don’t act, just deescalate, act later.
Sometimes your partner wants you to act, to receive validation that their threats are working and they are receiving your attention. Try to stay as calm as you can, if needed walk away and let their family/friends or professionals know what is going on. It is not your responsibility to fix them up, but it is to make people aware of the situation.
- Do Not Give In To Manipulation
You may give in to threats and start doing things that your partner demands, and it might work for the short term. Frequently though it will still not be enough for your partner, you won’t be able to “make” them happy forever. It's impossible it's not YOUR DUTY to make them happy.
You will not be able to live in a relationship, the foundation of which is based on coercion and blackmail.
- Make Yourself Priority
Women who threaten to commit suicide generally are not the ones who do it. But you never know, and these threats must be taken seriously. You should always mention these suicidal tendencies to other people and not yourself. If you wish to help your partner get better, you need to put the oxygen mask on first.
If you decided to leave, leave. Your partner might say they’ll stay safe if you hear them out or stay with them, don't. Threatening self-harm during a breakup can be a manipulation tool. If you already decided you should get out of this relationship, stick to that.
This isn’t a healthy relationship and there are very big issues at play that you will never be able to fix.
Those who threaten suicide do it because they can. You haven’t set boundaries that explicitly show what lines can’t be ever crossed. Don’t let anyone abuse you, don’t abuse yourself by letting others manipulate you.
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