Why Do We Self-Sabotage?
Do you ever get perplexed by your life choices? You know you’re making a bad decision, but you go through with it anyway.
Why do we self-sabotage? So many of us do, whether we realize it or not.
This pattern of self-destruction can manifest in so many different aspects of life- romantic relationships, health decisions, and career aspirations.
What are the reasons we self-sabotage and how can we stop this destructive pattern?
Reasons for Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Fear
This is typically one of the main reasons why we self-sabotage. Sounds silly, but people may fear achieving or failing their goals. The idea that you might fail your goal can set you into paralysis. And that fear leads to the next reason for self-sabotaging behaviors…
Negative self-talk
As a millennial with anxiety and depression, this is me. Hi. I am the queen on negative self-talk despite the years of therapy and medications. Having a negative, low self-image or self-esteem can 100% contribute to self-destructive behaviors. If you feel like you’re already going to fail, why are you going to start that healthy weight journey? If you believe you’re not good enough for a relationship, why are you going to continue dating that gave you butterflies? That negative self-perception just reinforces those poor decisions.
Change
This ties in with the first reason for self-sabotaging behavior, fear. We tend to stay within our comfort zone. We prefer that feeling of safety, normalcy, and comfort. It’s hard to suck at something. It’s hard to start running when you’re trying to be healthier. It’s hard to try something new and be terrible at it. But really, no one is perfect when they first try a new hobby or career. We all make mistakes and become frustrated. That’s learning. So let’s leave that comfort zone and seek out positive experiences and changes. Breaking free from those self-imposed limitations is key to personal growth.
Unresolved Issues and/or Trauma
Yup, we had to go there. Trauma and unresolved emotional issues are going to manifest into negative self-talk, fear, and ultimately self-sabotaging behavior. That’s where therapy comes in to help address the underlying trauma with a neutral party.
Procrastination
When we procrastinate or seek out that perfection, we’re going to delay tasks and set unrealistically high expectations. That dissertation will never be finished or you’re never going to get a promotion without looking for a new job.
Strategies to overcome self-sabotaging behaviors
- Set realistic goals
- Seeks support from other- friends, mentors, a therapist
- Practice compassion
- Develop a growth mindset
Summary
With these strategies, you can break free from that complex psychological pattern of self-destructive and self-sabotaging behaviors.
You deserve to live your life to the fullest experience.
Recognize those triggers, seek professional help, and set realistic goals. Then you too can step outside of your comfort.
Want to learn more? Share, follow or comment on this article to keep the conversation going!
Hi! I am Lindsay, a speech pathologist. I write about life, mindfulness, my career, and financial literacy. Want to see more stories on your feed? Follow me!
Read more: