avatarJacquelyn Lynn

Summary

The article discusses how one's attitude can influence whether others are willing to help them, emphasizing the importance of gratitude and reciprocity in relationships.

Abstract

The author reflects on a friend's accusation of feigning helplessness to manipulate others into helping, contrasting this with their own view of being independent yet aware of their limitations. The friend's lack of help from others is attributed to her inconsiderate and selfish behavior. The article suggests that people are naturally inclined to help and express gratitude, and that a person's willingness to assist others is often a reflection of how they are treated in return. It also touches on the author's personal experiences and her novel, which explores themes of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Opinions

  • The author believes that people are inherently willing to help others and that this help is often reciprocated with gratitude.
  • The author's friend perceived the author's behavior as an act to manipulate others into helping, which the author denies.
  • The author observes that the friend's negative traits, such as being thoughtless and selfish, may have contributed to why she did not receive as much help from others.
  • The article suggests that human relationships thrive on reciprocity and that people tend to treat others as they are treated themselves.
  • The author values the blessings of having supportive people in their life who offer assistance without being asked.
  • The author implies that self-examination may be necessary for those who wonder why they do not receive help or kindness from others.
  • The author promotes the idea of expressing proactive gratitude, as seen in the linked article "Get the Performance You Want: Say Thank You in Advance."

Why do People Want to Help You — or Not?

Clue: It’s your attitude

Photo by Jerry D Clement; used with permission

“People just want to do things for you. It’s that helpless act you put on.”

The words from my (former) friend jolted me.

At the time, I was single and had just bought a house that had been an investment property. Years of tenants had taken their toll, and the house needed a lot of work. Several friends were helping me with repairs and moving. I was grateful for and excited about everything they were doing.

“It’s that helpless act you put on.”

It’s been more than two decades, but I still remember those words clearly. Did she genuinely think I pretended to be helpless to manipulate people into doing things for me?

Before I could say anything, she continued:

“People don’t do things for me like they do for you.”

I didn’t respond to that. What could I say?

I’m not helpless. I’m not all-powerful, either. I don’t pretend to be something I’m not. I’m independent and self-sufficient, but I know my limits. I know when I need help. And I’m extraordinarily blessed to have people in my life who offer assistance before I need to ask.

Why didn’t people do things for her? To figure that out, I started paying attention to her in a way I hadn’t before. She was thoughtless, inconsiderate, and selfish — not blatantly, not all the time, not with everyone, but enough for me to notice. And probably enough for others to at least sense.

Eventually, I saw more of that negative side of her. She became ever more demanding of me, asking for increasingly inconvenient favors and even extending her demands to my husband.

When it got to be more than I could handle, we lost touch. That was years ago.

I believe human beings are made to serve others. We are also made to express gratitude. When we do, our lives are exponentially richer and more fulfilling.

Humans are reciprocal creatures. We tend to treat other people as they treat us.

If you’re rarely on the receiving end of kind gestures and unasked-for favors, and you want to know why, some serious self-examination may be in order.

Here’s a little more about me:

My novel, Choices, is a story of forgiveness and reconciliation.

I’d love to connect with you! May I send a brief inspirational message every Saturday morning? Visit CreateTeachInspire.com/saturday to receive messages like these:

Photos by Jerry D. Clement; text added by Jacquelyn Lynn
Self Improvement
Life Lessons
Relationships
Psychology
Attitude
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