Life Lessons

Why Are You Dressed for a Zoom Meeting?

We are going out in public

“In difficult times, fashion is always outrageous.” — Elsa Schiaparelli

I can tell the pandemic has gone on too long. We are ready to head out for our weekly Costco run when I glance at my husband’s attire. He is waiting for me to finish getting ready. I blink twice, not quite sure of what I am seeing.

The man had on one of his nice polo shirts. He had a sweater draped around his shoulders like we were in the Hamptons or a scene from the Great Gatsby. I then glance down… he has put on brown pajama pants with beach slippers. I live in Florida. It’s not like the pants are not obviously pajamas. They look like men’s sleeping clothes. He is drinking a cup of coffee while he waits.

“Excuse me,” I say. “You know we are about to leave the house physically. People will see your whole body, not only your top half.”

He looks at me in surprise and responds, “Yes, I know we are going out. What’s wrong?”

“Well, you are dressed for a Zoom meeting: business on top and haphazard on the bottom. You are wearing your jammies outside,” I retort.

My honey looks down at his pants. “What’s wrong?”

“Those are pajama bottoms,” I reply.

“Yea, they are. But what’s wrong? Many people are garbed like this now,” he responds.

“We shall see,” I say as we head out. I’m fully outfitted in my uncomfortable but beautiful jeans on the bottom.

We get to Costco. He is right. We pass a family dressed in matching red plaid pjs on the way in. There are five of them. They appear to be escapees from a Christmas card.

Inside the store, two young women pass us. One is fully dressed in a set of blue sleeping clothes. She wears a matching mask and blue shoes, officially making that an outfit. Her eye makeup is precise, giving her the look of a cat. She meant to wear those pajamas to the store to shop. The second is wearing pink and blue bunny pjs and flip-flops.

These people look comfortable and relaxed while shopping. I, on the other hand, am tightly bound. My blue jeans are hugging my butt tightly. I’m certain I look delicious, but why should I in the Costco.

The number of people dressed for Zoom walking around is impressive once you pay attention. My spouse is smiling, and he fits right in. I’m the odd one fully dressed in real pants. I am also wearing hard shoes. I cut our trip short and head home.

When I get home, I strip out of my clothing and put on one of my favorite sleeping pants. They are blue plaid with tiny hearts. There is a matching top, but I seldom wear it, preferring to sleep in tank tops. Looking at the combination, I think these two will be fine outside. They are not see-through, and like everyone else, I will pass this off as a casual outfit.

I wear my tank and pants with flip-flops on our next Costco run. No one looks twice. Ok, now I’m in. Thanks to the pandemic, and my husband, I’m into the new casual look. I have many pj pants that will now see the light of day.

I only hope I do not see an adult in a pj onesie. Someone will need to call 911 and send EMS for me. I will most likely die of laughter on the spot.

Thank you, America.

Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.

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