avatarColleen Mitchell

Summary

The article challenges the concept of the "perfect family," asserting that the pursuit of this ideal is not only unattainable but also detrimental to our well-being.

Abstract

The author of the article argues that the notion of a "perfect family" is an illusion that does not exist in reality. They highlight that every family has its issues, and the idea of normalcy is a trap that sets unrealistic expectations. The text suggests that striving for perfection can lead to disappointment and an existential crisis, as it creates a standard that cannot be met. Instead, the author promotes acceptance of the human condition, which is inherently flawed. The article is part of a series titled "What’s in Your Life Script?" and encourages readers to reflect on their own preconceived notions of familial perfection and the impact of these ideas on their relationships and self-perception.

Opinions

  • Perfection is an unattainable goal that can cause significant psychological distress.
  • The concept of a "normal" family is misleading and can lead to unfair comparisons and self-doubt.
  • Expecting mind-reading abilities or flawless behavior from family members is unrealistic and sets the stage for disappointment.
  • The author emphasizes that everyone, including themselves and their spouse, is imperfect, and this should be acknowledged and accepted.
  • The pursuit of perfection in family dynamics, career, and education often results in dissatisfaction.
  • The article suggests that readers should reassess their life scripts, particularly the unrealistic expectations they hold about family life.

Why All Your Ideas About “The Perfect Family” Suck

Part 5 of “What’s in Your Life Script?”

Photo by Daniel Cheung on Unsplash

Perfection doesn’t exist in this universe.

Many of us look back on our childhoods and wonder how we never saw just how fucked up our families really are.

And everyone’s family has some kind of problem. Or problems.

I have a few uncles with anger problems and some aunts who emotionally crack if you so much as think of a criticism in their direction.

The illusion of normality is enticing.

Who doesn’t want to have a perfect, normal family? Where there are no conflicts, no parents missing soccer games or working late at the office?

The idea of relative normality is a trap.

In comparison to the rest of my extended family, my parents could be considered the “normal ones” from their respective gene pools.

Heck, I consider me the “normal one” next to my sister.

But I know that’s not right. It’s not wrong, either.

It just…isn’t.

Because “normal” doesn’t exist.

What Exists is the Broken Human Condition

Nobody is perfect.

I’ll bet you’ve heard that from almost every direction imaginable.

And yet we still yearn for — strive for — search for — the perfect family.

We go into marriages expecting our spouses capable of mind reading.

We go into business meetings expecting our coworkers and bosses to be just as prepared as we are.

We go into schools and universities expecting to learn how to survive the real world.

And we are eternally disappointed.

Believing in perfection and the possibility of obtaining it has the potential to cause an existential crisis. When well-meaning partners whisper, “You’re perfect” in our ears the tendrils of doubt take hold.

What if I yell at my kids? What if I secretly really hate one of my family members? What if my partner realizes just how imperfect I really am?

When everything becomes measured against a scale of perfection, everyone loses.

The perfect family does not exist, and so all of our ideas of what the perfect family should look like are therefore useless.

All it creates is expectations that can never be met.

What’s in Your Life Script?

Growing up, I had very specific ideas of what I wanted in a spouse. In my mind, having all those things would mean a perfect man for my imperfect self.

My husband is not perfect, and neither am I.

Long before I met him, I trashed my ideas for the perfect man and focused instead on the qualities Kris Gage measures against.

What idea did you have about “the perfect family” that turned out to be just as flawed as everything else?

Life
Life Lessons
Self
Self Improvement
Family
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