While Talking to Someone — Don’t Litter Your Thoughts

How I learned the art of having a good conversation

I was terrible at having conversations. I used to interrupt others while they were half-way through the talks. If someone asked me about something, I would reply immediately without even listening to the full questions or thoughts. I had that bad tendency for a long time.

I used to reply in that way because subconsciously, I knew what the other person is going to ask or talk about. Maybe my restlessness characteristic tempted me to do that. It happened many a time while communicating in both my personal and professional life.

At a certain point, I started to realize that with this restless attitude, I am losing the charm of any conversation. And it’s not always a good idea to inform the other person that you’ve already know the story he/she is telling. So, I deliberately changed my way of having a conversation.

How I Learned the Art of Having a Good Conversation

I read a few books and taken a few courses on communication (both personal and business communication), and then, I realized what I have been doing so far is not correct. Yes, I was wrong.

Even if I know what the other person is going to tell, I must give him/her the time to complete it. I shouldn’t interfere in the middle of anyone’s speech. So, very recently, I came out of that terrible habit with deliberate practice.

I think many people like me struggle with this problem. They react instead of respond, don’t know when to talk and when to remain silent, and most of all, they hardly have any clear idea about the art of having a good conversation.

In this post, I will share some of my learnings about how to improve the quality of your conversations. It may help you to rethink the way you speak and respond to others.

And if you follow this, you will experience a noticeable change in your communication. Your conversation skill will become better than ever.

Let’s know the tips right away.

Leave the Temptation of Speaking All the Time

It’s really tough. Generally, we all want to express ourselves in the first place, and mostly, we do not like to listen to others. And if the person we are talking to speaks continuously, we become irritated.

We want to interrupt, letting him/her know that our time is precious and what he/she is saying is worthless to us. But the first thing is — we must change this mindset. Don’t be tempted to interrupt unnecessarily. Let the other person complete his/her talk.

We generally devalue the person with less-money and fame and consider ourselves superior. So we tend to ignore them and what they offer.

Now imagine, Bill Gates is talking about something you have no idea. Will you stop him in the mid-way? Of course, not. You will demean yourself and think that you are an ignorant fool.

I am repeating it — don’t be tempted and interrupt others. Be convinced that the person you are talking to has something to offer that you didn’t know before. Trust me — it will take time. I struggled with it, but now I improved a lot with deliberate practice.

So, the first thing we need to practice is to stop the temptation of speaking while someone is talking. Let the other person finish his/her talk.

Use the 80–20 Rule for Listening

This simple rule will make a big difference in the way you communicate with others. In any conversation, listen for 80 percent of your time and talk only 20 percent.

You do not have to be too specific like this, but the main point is — listen more and talk less if you want to have a meaningful conversation. While you are listening to the person you are having a conversation with more than talking, he/she will feel important and valued.

As I said earlier, in my case, I used to talk a lot, interfering in the middle of other’s talk. Because while listening to other people, new ideas pop up in my mind, and I can’t resist myself to share them immediately. As a result, I hardly remembered what other people said in that conversation.

I forbade that bad habit long ago. And it has become simple with this 80–20 rule. I pay attention to what other people say and then talk if necessary.

This simple technique is helping me in both my personal and professional life.

Learn to Breathe Properly While Talking

While you are speaking to someone, or delivering any speech, or giving a presentation, try to take some deep breaths during the conversation. It will maintain the oxygen flow in your body and keep yourself relaxed and focused.

You can use the Ujjayi breathing technique. According to the National Library of Medicine, in ujjayi breathing, both inhalation and exhalation are done through the nose.

It helps you to calm your mind, improve concentration, and be focused. It also releases tension throughout the body and keeps you relaxed.

Focus on One Thought at a Time

While you are having a conversation or giving a speech, do not litter. Concentrate on what you are saying. And don’t go randomly from one topic to another. Try to focus on one thought at a time. That is the secret to organize your thoughts.

It will make your conversation an enjoyable and fruitful one. And It is a must for any personal and professional environment — be it a job interview, meeting your date, negotiation with your clients, etc.

So, when you are having a conversation, attending a meeting, or delivering a speech, make sure you focus on one thought at a time, and before switching to another topic, take a pause.

Pause for a Moment

Pause is crucial as it creates a link between two thoughts. It always works when you take a little time before jumping into another topic. It is a skill that can be a game-changer for having a quality conversation.

When you master how to pause-for-a-moment, your conversation skill will thrive, and people will feel comfortable and energize around you.

If you have any doubt about the power of pausing, go and watch the famous leaders’ interviews on YouTube. See how they connect with their audience. The pause is as crucial as the talk.

It is not always how much you talk, but in what way you talk and deliver information matters the most.

Taking a pause helps you to shape the next conversation in your mind well. It connects your listener towards you. Consequently, you become a good communicator.

Maintain Eye Contact

How will you feel if someone talks to you but stares at your friend next to you? Will you enjoy a talk where the orator speaks well but never look at the audience?

Maintaining good eye contact is one of the crucial ways to make connections. It says more about you. Without this skill, your conversation dies dry. So while talking to friends and family or with your boss at the office, or while giving a speech, make sure you maintain good eye contact with whom you are talking to.

It will give the impression that you are 100% in the conversation. And it will make you smarter and confident.

Use Your Hands

Using hands in conversations helps to energize the situation. It’s a sign of confidence and spontaneity. We feel reluctant to listen to someone who talks like a robot without any hand movement.

Use your hands to show confidence and balance your conversation with proper hands-eyes movement. Create a lovely flow by practicing more and more.

Eventually, you will see that your conversational skill will thrive, and you will feel more connected to others.

Join a Course

You may join some online or offline courses as well to further grow your conversational and public speaking skills. I have learned a lot from Jeff Ansell, Neville Medhora, Dale Carnegie, and so on.

I have taken some courses on LinkedIn Learning and a few other websites related to communication. Besides, I learned from observing the people I admire.

Remember, it’s a skill, and anyone can learn it with deliberate effort. All it needs is a little mindfulness and your eagerness to learn more.

To Conclude

We cannot live without having a conversation. We talk every day with friends, family, colleagues, students, relatives, strangers, and so on. That’s why we must learn the art of having a good conversation.

Learn and start practicing what I have described here. It will help you in both your personal and professional life. Most of all, it will help you grow as a better human being.

Let’s have an interesting, engaging, and inspiring conversation!

Thank you for reading.

If you are interested to learn how listening can elevate your personality, you may read the following article of mine.