Relationships/Sex
Where is Your Head During Sex?
What (or who) do you think about?
I’d be lying if I said that I’m always completely ‘in the moment’ with my partner every time we have sex.
This got me wondering…
Do most people exclusively focus on the partner they’re with during sex or do they occasionally think about something — or someone — else?
After all, throughout any given day we as people are constantly inundated with the temptation of distraction and the ongoing stress of daily responsibilities.
Did I turn on the dishwasher? Did that email I’ve been waiting for come through? Can the kids hear us? I hope this doesn’t take too long because I have to get up early tomorrow. These are just some of the thoughts I’ve had during sex — and I know I’m not the only one.
Is it always just the partner you’re with who maintains all of your mental attention during intimate moments — or is it someone else? Do you have a fantasy about another person in your mind that helps get you in the mood? Maybe a celebrity or even an ex, perhaps?
I think it’s pretty safe to say that a good majority of people do fantasize about other people while they’re having sex with their partner(s).
In fact, in a study conducted by the Journal of Sex Research, 80 percent of women and 98 percent of men admitted to fantasizing about someone other than their partner. A separate study found that having sex with someone else remains a top fantasy among both men and women involved in committed relationships.
In a survey conducted by the online sex toy retailer, LoveHoney, 46 percent of women and 42% of men admitted to fantasizing about having sex with another person while having sex with their partner.
There you have it. The arguably uncomfortable truth of our human condition. This scenario happened to me during sex and I felt weird about it. I felt guilty. I wasn’t sure if it was a betrayal of my partner or not by thinking of someone else during sex.
Would I feel jealous or weird if my partner admitted that he thought about an ex-partner or certain sexual situation with someone else every single time we had sex to turn him on? Probably. And vice versa for him, I’m sure.
So where’s the line between desirous thoughts that rev up our sexual engine and a hurtful betrayal to our partner?
Hard to say. Each couple is different and every relationship has its unique dynamics, however, I think it’s fair to say that a lot of the time we humans do need our brains to spice up our sex lives, and this often means letting our imaginations take control.
If you’re stuck feeling distracted during sex thinking about mundane chores and important deadlines, it’s always a good idea to communicate with your partner if you’re feeling overly checked out.
More than likely they can already sense it anyway.
Focusing on the partner you’re with AND dabbling in the element of fantasy can work out well if you maintain proper communication and don’t wander too far from your physical partner mentally.
Ultimately, those of us who occasionally dabble in a fantasy or two to get our blood pumping during sex aren’t necessarily wrong or betraying our partners in some way. It just means we have a tantalizing memory or sexual fantasy that physically excites us — and in long-term relationships especially, sometimes you need that extra boost to get you going.
The key here is to acknowledge that this kind of thing is normal and everyone goes through it at one point or another.
What are your thoughts? let me know in the comments.