When You Know They Don’t Like You Anymore

Summary

The article discusses the emotional challenges faced by the author when a long-term partner withdraws affection and communication without direct explanation, leading to a pattern of unfulfilling relationships.

Abstract

The author reflects on the pain of unreciprocated feelings and the difficulty of dealing with someone who is no longer interested but avoids honest communication. Despite an intense reconnection after years apart, the author's partner becomes distant, eventually admitting his inability to reciprocate the author's emotional investment. This prompts the author to introspect on patterns in their relationships, acknowledging a history of attracting emotionally unavailable partners. The author grapples with the desire for closure and the struggle to move on, while also recognizing the need to hold others accountable for their actions and to treat themselves with kindness.

Opinions

The author prefers honesty and direct communication about the end of a relationship, even if it is painful, rather than being left in uncertainty.
There is frustration with the partner's lack of transparency and the pattern of engaging and then disappearing, which the author finds disrespectful and hurtful.
The author believes that the partner's avoidance of difficult conversations is a form of cowardice, not an acceptable way to handle relationship issues.
Despite the partner's admission of his own emotional damage, the author is critical of the partner's inability to communicate effectively and feels that personal issues are not an excuse for poor behavior.
The author recognizes the importance of self-reflection and the need to break patterns that lead to unhealthy relationships.
There is a resolve to move forward and not dwell on the past, focusing on personal growth and the expectation of healthier future relationships.

Why don’t people tell the truth when they’re not into you anymore?

I’d rather someone be honest and hurt for a moment than stay in limbo for days, months, or years.

There’s nothing more upsetting than a person who engages after ghosting, only to disappear again. What about the times he was silent for months, then kept responding to texts to set up phone dates?

Then there was the momentous occasion during the coronavirus when he came to see me after decades apart. He put off visiting for nearly a year. It was kind of a big deal to see him. After the initial excitement, I noticed his energy was off. It was like he had a dimmer switch on his inner light, and he’d turned it down.

He ignored me for two weeks after returning home. When I asked if he was ready to connect, he said he wasn’t the person I thought. He told me not to invest time in him because he couldn’t return on my investment.

He didn’t tell me to my face, because that would be too hard. And he didn’t initiate the conversation, because that would also be too hard.

He waited until I saw into his dark chocolate eyes gazing at me as I crossed the room. He waited until we shared our naked bodies and unleashed desires.

He waited until I invested plenty of time in him.

He said he was damaged. It sounds like he could feel unworthy. Or he didn’t think we were a good match after all. It’s the same old story. I’m afraid of commitment but won’t tell you. I have personal issues. I avoid intimacy. Blah, blah, blah.

I wish I could tell you this never happened to me before.

But it has, and it will again if I don’t break whatever pattern I’ve got going. When my would-be long-distance lover rejected me, I knew it was time to re-evaluate my behavior in relationships.

I wish I could call myself out on my emotional unavailability. But it’s not true. I’m available, wide open, heart on my sleeve, ready for a committed relationship. But I attract the opposite. Most, if not all, of my intimate relationships, are with people who won’t or feel they can’t be present and available.

What’s my deal? Where’s my part? What can I do differently?

Do you know someone who explains why people reject them? I said this guy has personal issues. I assume he’s an addict or mentally unstable, because he didn’t have the decency to communicate with me.

When someone is unreasonable, I want to believe they would never consciously hurt me. But it’s insulting to label him as incapable of handling himself maturely in a relationship.

He’s a grown-ass man, and I’ve seen him handle his business just fine. I’m making excuses because I don’t like what he did or didn’t do.

I sent him a card two weeks after our text “breakup” conversation. It was his 50th birthday. My feelings didn’t magically disappear because he discouraged me from investing. I spent $30 and fifteen minutes recognizing his birthday. Then I let him go. I didn’t think of him for at least a week. This is progress.

I didn’t engage until the other day, when I searched for him on Facebook. I wondered if he’d have photos celebrating his birthday. I discovered he deactivated his social media. He started a new page and didn’t include me as a friend. Grief comes in layers. That particular night was rife with sadness. The next day was anger. Today, I’m neutral. I don’t think I’ll talk to him for a long while.

I immediately began thinking of another ex. It’s easier than being alone. Even when this other guy is far away and uncommunicative, I’ll hang onto old memories of him for a few days. Then I need to let myself feel and move on.

When You Know They Don’t Like You Anymore

But they never told you the truth

Why don’t people tell the truth when they’re not into you anymore?

I wish I could tell you this never happened to me before.

What’s my deal? Where’s my part? What can I do differently?

Will I ever be with someone who will straight up tell me what’s going on?

When You’re In a Long Distance Love Relationship

It’s bound to get complicated

When Silence Speaks

I listen

Time to Embrace Your Feelings After a Breakup

Even when they’re messy and uncomfortable