When You Hire the Big Bad Wolf as Your Life Coach

You wanna learn to be big and bad? Go to the source.

So you want to know my secrets, huh? You want to know how I, the Big Bad Wolf, get the job done? You’ve gotta be big and you’ve gotta be bad.

Are you sure you’re up for it?

Yes?

Well, then, darling, sit down with me by the fire and let’s talk.

Am I always looking for someone to prey upon? Well, honey, that feels a little…harsh.

I see it as always being ready when an opportunity presents itself. And do you know what that requires?

It requires me to know what my needs are. And to be unapologetic about them.

When I’m hungry, I eat. When I’m tired, I sleep. You see where I’m going with this?

I know it’s not easy to do. I know people will find that extremely upsetting and will make it their business to make sure you know that.

I never said becoming a big, bad wolf was going to be easy…

Oh yes, honey, wear that cape. Who cares what people will say? What does it matter if they think you look silly or childish?

Look at me. I’m not hiding my bushy tail or the fact that you can pinch a little extra flesh around my waist. (You know how I love a good snack…)

I like that I don’t look like others. I like what I see of myself — and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

You can’t be big and bad if you’re going to live your life for other people.

Of course you should have wandered off that path. We wouldn’t be here enjoying this wine and these muffins if you hadn’t.

(Yes, please, pour me another glass, and do thank your mother for such delicious indulgences.)

Do you know who listens to everyone who warns to stay on the path? Good little girls. And we’ve already established you do not want to be one of those.

What will you see on that same path you have always traveled? The same things over and over again.

Where will you end up if you remain on that path you have always traveled? In the same place. In your case, at your grandmother’s house, which, if you think about it, is kind of symbolic. After all, that will be you, one day.

Do you want to see something you’ve never seen before? Do you want to go someplace you’ve never been? Do you want to arrive in your elderhood after a lifetime of rich experiences and adventures?

Then you have to venture off that path that everyone told you to follow.

Most assuredly, they were correct in their warnings. It’s not safe to leave the path. The forest is dark and full of dangerous creatures. Well…I suppose you’ve figured that out, already.

But if you never have to face them, how will you keep your teeth and claws sharp?

Honestly, you just have to be willing to get a little dirty, you know?

(Can you please pass me that chicken leg? Mmm, thank you.)

Don’t use a napkin. It’s a metaphor, but I think it works.

(Good gracious, this is delicious.)

I’m not going to wipe my fingers off after this. In fact, I’m going to lick them clean, which is perhaps even more uncouth than leaving them greasy. And this bone? I’m going to toss it in the corner and let the mice have at it.

Do you understand? All this nonsense with the ribbons in the hair and the rouge on the cheeks. Pretty…what is that called?…oh, gingham…pretty gingham basket liners for your food. Honestly, it’s ridiculous.

Do it, if you must, but underneath it all, you need to be much less domesticated.

We’re all wild at our core. But little girls are made to forget that.

Don’t stop along the way, getting distracted by pretty things to look at? Nonsense! What’s the point of the journey if not to stop and take it all in?

Don’t tarry, lest lingering too long puts you at risk of encountering dangerous creatures? My dear, the dangerous creatures can outrun you even at your fastest. Why keep rushing when you can enjoy yourself at your own pace and simply learn to outwit those who would do you harm?

Don’t talk to strangers? Imagine all the people who say such things. So small. So frightened. So weak.

Darling girl, when you’re big and bad, strangers will fear talking to you.

Do you know why people always comment on my big eyes, my big ears, and my big teeth? Because they can’t remember what it’s like to be able to take in that much from the world around them.

They are shut in. Closed off. Deaf to the symphony of life. Blind to its beauty.

And too afraid to take a giant bite out of it.

Don’t make the same mistake. Listen. Look.

And my god, little girl, dare to bite into everything you want — without apology.

Do not mind your manners.

Never behave yourself.

And never miss a chance to run off into the dark woods.

You know they say I eat little girls for dinner. It was very brave of you to come here.

That’s how I know you’re already on your way to becoming as big and bad as I am.

I admit, though, you do look very tasty.

Mmmph. That’s a very sharp knife you have there, Little Red. Did you have that the whole time? Perhaps you might be so generous as to remove its cold blade from beneath my jaw? I did promise you I wouldn’t hurt you, after all, and though I may be big and I may be bad, I always keep my word.

That’s better.

Look at you… Already got your claws out.

Good for you.

Now keep going. And don’t stop, no matter what anyone says.

They won’t want you to be big and bad. It’s so much easier for them if you are a good little girl.

But you know what happens to good little girls out in the dark woods…

And you, my dear, are just too big and too bad for that.

© Yael Wolfe 2023

Yael Wolfe is a writer, artist, and photographer. You can find more of her work at yaelwolfe.com. If you love her writing, leave her a tip over at Ko-fi.

More on the journey from maiden to big, bad wolf: