Becoming the Woman I Always Wanted to Be
How I’m finding my fairy tale
Five years ago, my friend, a brilliant business coach, encouraged me to do something for my faltering website.
“Take pictures of yourself dressed up as your favorite fictional character,” she told me.
I wasn’t surprised at all by this advice, being as her website, at the time, was peppered with sensual photos of her dressed as a mermaid. And because she’s not only a successful entrepreneur, but also a few years older than I am, I felt very confident about taking her advice. If she could dress up as a mermaid in her 40s, surely I could get away with putting on a red hood in my late 30s.
My favorite fictional character is Little Red Riding Hood. I love that story so much. It’s dangerous, sexy, scary, raw. I love the idea of the young, innocent woman going into the woods and having to face the Big Bad Wolf.
I see the wolf as a symbol of many things. You could call him the face of the patriarchy, the system that eats up women and spits them out. You could identify him as a sexy mentor, showing her how to be fierce and wild — and probably giving her a few good orgasms along the way. I even see him as a part of Little Red — she is the wolf, the wild creature in the woods that won’t be so scary once she comes to embrace that feral, unpredictable part of herself.
I knew the idea would work well. My website featured my writing, my books, and at that time, I was just beginning to develop a few projects that centered around fairy tales.
I also needed something to keep me busy. My former partner had just left to be with another woman, my dog was dying, and I was struggling to find a job that would help me pay the bills my ex had left me with.
In short, I was struggling and had fallen into a deep depression.
The idea of stepping into the character of Little Red Riding Hood suddenly felt very appealing to me.
A few months after the breakup, a thick bank of fog rolled into my region. We rarely get that kind of fog. It was dark, cold, mysterious, and strangely beautiful. I called my brother and asked if he would be willing to drop everything and take some photos of me. Kind-hearted, generous soul that he is, he agreed.
I put on my favorite sundress over a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved shirt and grabbed my favorite red scarf that I bought in Paris. I wanted a prop, too, I realized — a lantern. My life had become so dark, I wanted those photographs to feature Red with lantern in hand, to show that she could find her way in the dark.
We spent a few fun hours taking photos. I ended up not liking most of them (I have a hard time liking what I see in the mirror or in photographs), but the few that had turned out well were enchanting. I saw that scared young woman from the fairy tale, trying to find her way through the dark woods.
Last year, after I quit my job, I realized my website hadn’t been refreshed in quite a long time. I scrolled through it and though I still liked the way I had created it in early 2015, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
It took me a while to realize that the photographs needed to be updated. That scared little girl wasn’t me, anymore. I had made it through the woods — and not only that, I wasn’t scared of the woods, anymore. I could come and go as I pleased…and I didn’t need the lantern to light my way.
What if, I thought, I could revisit these photographs and see a grown-up Red? What if she was happy, confident, self-possessed, sexy, and unafraid?
I started experimenting and when I looked at the first round of prints, I was stunned. There she was: not just Little Red Riding Hood 2.0, but the woman I always wanted to be.
I decided to use these shots for my work here — in my newsletter, on my future website… I don’t know exactly what’s coming, but I know this is the woman who will be making the decisions.
Did I mention she doesn’t need a lantern anymore?
She knows exactly how to find her way through the woods.
© Yael Wolfe 2019
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