When You Feel Sexy, You Are Sexy

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

2955

Abstract

some regardless, so I don’t know that it was just that). Besides, I experience this fairly often when I’m out and about, even when there’s no way that it’s going to make for a better sale.</p><p id="250b">One December I wore a silly looking holiday tunic to the store and nearly broke the place with the buzz that it caused. Who would have thought that a novelty sweater with jingle bells could stir up so much sexual energy, but it wasn’t what the sweater looked like, or what I looked like in it because neither of those were overtly sexy. I’m pretty sure it was the attitude of playfulness and fun it conveyed. I could kind of imagine some of those guys saying to themselves as they watched me walk by in my silly holiday tunic, “That woman has no inhibitions. I’ll bet she’d be a lot of fun!”</p><p id="a0cd">In other words, I was a woman in touch with her sexual energy, even if it wasn’t being displayed in ways that we tend to think of that — particularly as relates to women. Feeling sexy isn’t only about wearing skimpy or tight clothing. It’s not just about make-up or high heels, or any of the other things that consumer culture tries to tell women that they need in order to feel good and be attractive.</p><p id="2a44">Don’t get me wrong — I love to dress up and go all out with perfume and jewelry and the whole bit. I like to show a little bit of cleavage, but I also don’t need that in order to feel sexy and it’s not the main thing that I find sexy in other people. My lover Tamara is gorgeous by all conventional metrics, with long black hair, alabaster skin, and sparkling green eyes, but what most draws me to her is how authentic she is.</p><p id="aae5">Tamara doesn’t make apologies and she doesn’t brook bullshit. What you see is what you get with her and that’s all sweetness and fun, unless someone tries to cross a boundary or take advantage. Then you’re likely to get an “Excuse me, but what the fuck?” out of her. I’ve never been on Tamara’s bad side, and I never want to be, but her happy, feeling good side is one I know well, and it is sizzling! She is sexy as all get out because of it.</p><p id="f846">Part of feeling good about yourself is knowing that you have good boundaries and aren’t afraid to maintain them. I think it’s what allows people to really open up and be all of who they are because they aren’t that worried about being overrun by takers and vampires. And when you know and like yourself, and you feel pretty good about the life you are living because it’s in line with who you want to be, that’s when shakti (primal life force) can really shine.</p><p id="fd82">“<i>The word <a href="https://www.ciis.edu/ciis-news-and-events/news-room/shakti-awakening-the-powers-of-the-inner-goddesses">shakti</a> literally means power. Shakti the innate power in reality, has five faces. It manifests as the power to be conscious, the power to feel ecstasy, the power of will, or desire, the power to know, and the pow

Options

er to act.</i>”</p><p id="0758">Shakti is essentially, sexual energy, although it doesn’t alway have to do with physical sex. It is life force, not unlike the Taoist concept of <i>chi</i>, but shakti is inherently feminine because it is generative and life-giving. When someone is filled with shakti, even if they are a man or male-presenting person, they can’t help but be attractive because they have what used to be called animal magnetism.</p><p id="0038">I certainly don’t believe I have that going on all the time, but I do know that when I’m in the flow of it, people respond to me in ways that have nothing to do with how much skin I’m showing or what I’m wearing. And even if no one else is around, when I feel happy and relaxed and good about myself, that is when I feel most alive, and most sexy. And when you feel sexy, that’s when you are sexy, because you project that energy out into the world and other people experience it that way.</p><p id="c675">The secret to true sexiness isn’t about buying the right products or looking a certain way. It’s about how you feel and how you go through life most of the time. It’s an attitude, an emotion, a way of interfacing with the world. If wearing high heels or silky lingerie gives you that feeling, then by all means, be my guest. But just know that those are not the only ways to cultivate sexiness. Do whatever helps you to feel comfortable, authentic, and ready to rock some shakti. When people say that confidence is sexy, that’s what they are talking about.</p><p id="4286">© Copyright Elle Beau 2021 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.</p><div id="5785" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/flirting-with-the-wine-store-guy-a308336e56a1"> <div> <div> <h2>Flirting with the Wine Store Guy</h2> <div><h3>Never judge a book by it’s cover</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*GabevnxpFYBefRIi)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8004" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-use-sexual-energy-in-my-work-5a15ded7612f"> <div> <div> <h2>I Use Sexual Energy In My Work</h2> <div><h3>Just not in the way that you might imagine or expect</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*rWM6h9E1qgMHFw4c)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

This is not a story about lingerie and high heels

When I look at the photo above, the thing that really stands out for me isn’t the cage bra, although I think those are super hot, both to look at and to wear. It isn’t the ankle bracelet on her shapely long leg, although I love all that as well. For me, it’s the body language and the look on the woman’s face that really speaks to me. She’s relaxed, happy, and having a good time. This woman is sexy, not just because she’s conventionally attractive and in bed in her underwear. She’s sexy because she feels sexy — comfortable in her own skin, and ready to enjoy herself.

The other day I stopped by the meat counter at my local grocery store. I’d taken the dogs for a long walk earlier and hadn’t bothered to change out of my gear, which included a t-shirt that was open at the back to reveal the criss-cross straps of my sports bra, looking kind of like this below. From the front, it seemed like I had on a regular t-shirt, but from the back it was strappy heaven.

Licensed from Adobe Stock

That’s a look that I really like, and I enjoy being able to go out in public in the middle of the day wearing something that makes me feel pretty, even though it’s work-out gear that is completely appropriate to wear to the grocery store. We’d had a nice walk, and it hadn’t been too hot so I was energized and feeling good. Getting the shopping done before the holiday weekend was another thing to check off my to-do list and it seemed like my day was just all coming together to get stuff accomplished. I was in a good groove.

Lost in contemplation of the various steaks, I didn’t even realize the meat counter guy, Danny, was talking to me at first, but in no time we were having a friendly and somewhat flirty chat over what I might want to get. When at last he handed me my steaks and said, “Is there anything else I can get you?” I admit that I blushed just a bit. That’s how much chemistry was going on in the subtext by then. “No,” I said as I thanked him and walked away, flashing my straps as I went.

When I first approached the meat counter, Danny just saw a woman in a t-shirt but a woman who was happy and feeling alive, and I think that’s what he responded to. (Either that, or he knows that flirting with the customers sells meat, but I was there to buy some regardless, so I don’t know that it was just that). Besides, I experience this fairly often when I’m out and about, even when there’s no way that it’s going to make for a better sale.

One December I wore a silly looking holiday tunic to the store and nearly broke the place with the buzz that it caused. Who would have thought that a novelty sweater with jingle bells could stir up so much sexual energy, but it wasn’t what the sweater looked like, or what I looked like in it because neither of those were overtly sexy. I’m pretty sure it was the attitude of playfulness and fun it conveyed. I could kind of imagine some of those guys saying to themselves as they watched me walk by in my silly holiday tunic, “That woman has no inhibitions. I’ll bet she’d be a lot of fun!”

In other words, I was a woman in touch with her sexual energy, even if it wasn’t being displayed in ways that we tend to think of that — particularly as relates to women. Feeling sexy isn’t only about wearing skimpy or tight clothing. It’s not just about make-up or high heels, or any of the other things that consumer culture tries to tell women that they need in order to feel good and be attractive.

Don’t get me wrong — I love to dress up and go all out with perfume and jewelry and the whole bit. I like to show a little bit of cleavage, but I also don’t need that in order to feel sexy and it’s not the main thing that I find sexy in other people. My lover Tamara is gorgeous by all conventional metrics, with long black hair, alabaster skin, and sparkling green eyes, but what most draws me to her is how authentic she is.

Tamara doesn’t make apologies and she doesn’t brook bullshit. What you see is what you get with her and that’s all sweetness and fun, unless someone tries to cross a boundary or take advantage. Then you’re likely to get an “Excuse me, but what the fuck?” out of her. I’ve never been on Tamara’s bad side, and I never want to be, but her happy, feeling good side is one I know well, and it is sizzling! She is sexy as all get out because of it.

Part of feeling good about yourself is knowing that you have good boundaries and aren’t afraid to maintain them. I think it’s what allows people to really open up and be all of who they are because they aren’t that worried about being overrun by takers and vampires. And when you know and like yourself, and you feel pretty good about the life you are living because it’s in line with who you want to be, that’s when shakti (primal life force) can really shine.

“The word shakti literally means power. Shakti the innate power in reality, has five faces. It manifests as the power to be conscious, the power to feel ecstasy, the power of will, or desire, the power to know, and the power to act.”

Shakti is essentially, sexual energy, although it doesn’t alway have to do with physical sex. It is life force, not unlike the Taoist concept of chi, but shakti is inherently feminine because it is generative and life-giving. When someone is filled with shakti, even if they are a man or male-presenting person, they can’t help but be attractive because they have what used to be called animal magnetism.

I certainly don’t believe I have that going on all the time, but I do know that when I’m in the flow of it, people respond to me in ways that have nothing to do with how much skin I’m showing or what I’m wearing. And even if no one else is around, when I feel happy and relaxed and good about myself, that is when I feel most alive, and most sexy. And when you feel sexy, that’s when you are sexy, because you project that energy out into the world and other people experience it that way.

The secret to true sexiness isn’t about buying the right products or looking a certain way. It’s about how you feel and how you go through life most of the time. It’s an attitude, an emotion, a way of interfacing with the world. If wearing high heels or silky lingerie gives you that feeling, then by all means, be my guest. But just know that those are not the only ways to cultivate sexiness. Do whatever helps you to feel comfortable, authentic, and ready to rock some shakti. When people say that confidence is sexy, that’s what they are talking about.

© Copyright Elle Beau 2021 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.