When to Embrace Someone in Silence: The Power of Simply BEING There!
Why does our instinct to speak, often cause more pain?
If you have ever struggled to find just the right words when someone you care about is in emotional pain, you know that sometimes it can be impossible to do.
That’s because, sometimes, the most comforting response that we can provide, is to simply say nothing at all.
Unfortunately, for many people, that can be almost as impossible to do, as being able to find the right words.
Why?
It has to do with our natural instinct, as human beings, to speak or offer advice when we feel it’s needed, even if we inadvertently hinder our ability to provide genuine support.
Has this ever happened to you?
More importantly, have you discovered how silence can actually be a powerful tool in communicating compassion and empathy during difficult times?
Frequently Asked Questions about how to console someone
The most frequently asked questions about how to console someone, are the top five that relate to:
- How to console someone who lost a parent
- How to console someone who lost a child
- How to console someone who lost a pet
- How to console someone who had a miscarriage
- How to console someone who lost a friend
As you might imagine, all five of these situations represent a difficult and painful time for the person suffering, although the same, yet different kind of grief.
According to Psychology Today, grief is defined this way:
“Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss. Because it is a reflection of what we love, it can feel all-encompassing. Grief is not limited to the loss of people…”
With that definition in mind, it is easy to see how the different scenarios of someone grieving, could be viewed as being the same, yet not the same.
In the way that really counts, all grief is the same, because it all amounts to pain, following a loss.
Needless to say, there are various levels and degrees of loss, and that perhaps, is why it can often be so hard to find the right words of consolation.
Attempting to gauge someone’s degree of loss, is natural, though it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.
Here’s why…
Our instinct to speak may lead to more grief
There are many instances in life, when it can be a real challenge to find the right words of solace and comfort, yet we insist on trying, until we clumsily end up saying the wrong thing.
Think about it.
Silence probably would be more preferable in the following situations:
- Perhaps the best way to console someone who lost a parent isn’t by saying: “They’re in a better place.”
- Maybe you shouldn’t console someone who lost a child, by reminding them: “Well you still have…(other children)”
- Consider how insensitive it really is, to console someone who lost a pet by saying: “Well, it was just a dog… (cat, or whatever the case may be)
- Does it really console someone who had a miscarriage, to tell them: “At least you can have other children”.
- Isn’t it poor taste, and like jockeying for a position, when you console someone who lost a friend, by saying: “Well you still have me”
Have you ever heard these or similar comments made to people who are grieving, under similar situations as above.
In reality, you may have even been responsible for a few of those type of comments yourself.
You may have felt the comments didn’t sound so bad at the time, but looking back at them now, you may feel somewhat differently.
Can you see how none of the above words of “consolation” really offer the kind of sensitivity and understanding that a grieving person is in need of?
Without question, the silence is golden mantra would have been much more beneficial in the above scenarios.
Final Thoughts
As you have seen by the above examples, saying the wrong thing to someone who is experiencing the pain of grief, is worse than not saying anything at all.
In cases like these, clearly, silence speaks louder than any carefully chosen words, and certainly louder than less carefully chosen words, no matter how well intended.
**************************************
This story was inspired by one I wrote in the summer of 2021.
When the topic came to mind back then, I had a little less to say, but still some very relevant points were made.
Hopefully, readers can appreciate the power of silence even more, after reading both stories, but in case you missed the one that was firs posted, feel free to give it a read:
With a title like: The Art of Knowing When to Keep Your Mouth Closed, readers are helped to realize that knowing when to be silent is like having another skill. I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks for reading…
👉 NOT A MEMBER YET? Why not Join Medium and subscribe to Justiss Goode?
