When Time Is Short, And Life Is Hard, All That Is Left Is Forgiveness And Love
I sit here, typing away on the computer, planning my week, when I suddenly feel a wave of bleakness wash over me.
I feel compelled to look at a photo on my desk. It catches my attention and fills my heart with sadness.
I look at it in disbelief for one moment. It’s a photo of my mum & daughter at her year six graduation.
It was not long ago, three years to be exact. How healthy, happy and full of life mum looked in that moment. Who would blame her, being next to her last granddaughter -the one she helped grow up as her own.
I see nothing but love.
Back then, she didn’t have cancer and led a pretty healthy life for an 80-year-old.
People would be surprised that she didn’t need a walking stick to get around. But, no, not mum; she was living life full speed ahead.
Her days consisted of visiting those less fortunate in hospitals and making them feel that someone cared for them.
She would also make beautiful holly cross beads, which took up a lot of her time during the day. She would tirelessly make them. These are the little gifts she would give to others as a token of her love.
Her life was simple, but it was perfect. I don’t think I ever saw her upset or unhappy.
Instead, she made sure her days were filled with friends, bringing happiness to others and attending the old community hall for tea and chatter.
I look at that photo now, and how I wish that God tapped me on the shoulder — and warned me that soon enough, she would run out of time.
I wished that back then, I had enjoyed mum more, forgave more and loved more.
I wish that I dropped in unexpectedly for a hug, a chat and a cup of tea together.
If only I knew then what I know so well now.
It’s the one photo that warms my heart. It sits on my work desk, where I look at it and smile.
But today, I didn’t smile.
How unexpected the turn was in April 2021. Life hasn’t been the same ever since cancer mentioned its name.
To me, it seemed that nothing could get in the way of my need to be there for her, but yesterday something shifted.
I was ashamed of myself & distressed with a decision she made. The unfairness and hurt sting my heart. Why did I let it develop into something more than what it was?
I let it take hold. So much so that it started to consume & overpower me.
I let it happen because I’m human and guilty of turning a situation into something out of context. So I let nothing get in the way & I lost a precious day.
“Forgiveness is like faith. You have to keep reviving it.”
Mason Cooley
I let these negative assumptions bubble up, and they were nothing more than made up emotions — emotions that grew out of my insecurities and unhappiness.
It seems silly, yet the photo on my desk woke me out of my resentment.
I pulled apart and read the words clearly, without adding my statements in between the spaces. Now I’m ready to write.
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.”
Tony Robbins
I open up a new page on my mac and start typing. Finishing off the last words, I’m now ready to open the gift of forgiveness, especially to myself.
It’s not easy forgiving yourself — it seems so much simpler doing it for others. I don’t think I’ve ever done this before, and today is the day that urged me to start practising.
“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.”
Marianne Williamson
Something so simple created such a shift. I now contributed to healing my own self.
Suddenly lightness and love take over. Compassion and grace fill up space. I now look at the photo and smile. Love fills my heart and soul once again.
Today we may be here, but tomorrow is uncertain. So what’s left is forgiveness in a time that matters — that time is right now, this very moment.