When The “Mean Girls” Become Parents
A short, but poignant personal tale of woe and wonder
Mean girls day?
Apparently October third is mean girls day. Why we would choose to commemorate such a thing, I’m not quite sure. I mean, I understand it has something to do with a movie starring Lindsay Lohan, but I’m not one for following popular culture or fads.
I’m totally okay with not being “with it”.
I mean, I’m 40 after all, there are more important things to worry about in middle-life. Yet apparently some small-town moms are perpetually stuck in high school, so let me tell you a story.
Mean Moms
Lindsay Lohan, eat your heart out.
What happens when the high school “mean girls” become parents?
I’ll tell you.
When my son was in second grade, there were two “mean girl” class moms.
We live in a small rural community and these two moms have lived here their entire lives, and their families have been here for generations before that. They probably even have streets named after them, I don’t know.
I do know they are definitely those mean girls who peaked in high school.
My son had a meltdown in class in his grade two school year. I had been asking for months for a number of accommodations for him, none of which were being implemented. The school was not meeting his needs, nor making genuine efforts to do so.
Guess who suffered?
Not the moms, not the teacher, and not the principal who failed to do her job and ensure my son’s needs were being met.
My son.
My son and our family suffered because of the school’s negligence, but also because of these small-minded, ignorant, and outright mean moms.
Instead of offering support, friendship, or kindness to us (as other parents did) — instead of teaching their children to embrace and appreciate differences — they pushed us out.
These two moms played an under-handed game, trying to arrange a meeting with the superintendent to advocate for our son being kicked out of their children’s class — he was 6 years old.
Six.
Luckily the superintendent saw through their dishonesty. They had presented a “list” of parents wanting to meet with him for the same reason. When he looked more closely at the list, he saw the other names were those of the mean mom’s spouses.
These mean moms tried to scapegoat a six year old child rather than holding the school accountable, creating a welcoming community for our family, or teaching their children compassion and acceptance.
Instead they chose to blame and shame us, and our young child. They didn’t want “our kind” in their child’s classroom, or in their school at all.
Not only did that break our hearts, especially to hear them talk about our son as a persona non grata, they were also perpetuating their ignorance and prejudice against children with disabilities.
What kind of example does it set for their children, and the others in the class, when the adults can’t even behave with kindness towards a six year old with a disability?
Growing up and moving on
Well, they got their wish. My son is at a different school and thriving.
We didn’t switch schools because of mean moms, but because our son’s happiness is more important to us than winning some childish game with people whose priorities are completely ass-backwards.
We’ve met some amazing families, and have made wonderful friends who care about and accept us for exactly who we are.
Be mindful of how you respond to a child’s behaviour, especially in front of other children. Not only are you influencing how that child seems themselves, but also how other children will perceive and treat them.
Our son is doing great, despite their efforts to the contrary. He’s kind, sweet, he has lots of friends, and he’s smart as heck.
Turns out our son is twice exceptional: he has an extremely high IQ (in the 99th percentile), and ADHD. He’s a hell of a lot smarter than mean moms.
Our son is going to change the world and they’ll still be trying to rule their small town, playing mean girl games like they’re back in high school.
Fuck them and anyone else who doesn’t see how amazing my son is.
Fuck them and anyone else who doesn’t see how amazing YOUR child is.
People like that occupy very small worlds with their small minds. Our kids, they occupy a different plane altogether. Those mean moms are insignificant specks compared to who our children are and will become.
Whatever your child’s special qualities, if some iteration of mean moms in your life can’t see your child for who they are, it’s their loss.
Don’t let ignorant, small-minded people get you or your child down, don’t let them push you around, and don’t let them stop you and everyone else from seeing how amazing your child is.
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB
When you join medium, as a member you’ll have access to unlimited reads for only $5 per month. If you use my referral link, I’ll earn a small commission, and you’ll earn my undying gratitude.
If you’d prefer give a one-time tip, you can support my writing on Ko-Fi — also, it’s free to follow me on Facebook and LinkedIn!
