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Abstract

ate romance, but rather to satirize it, to show how absolutely nutty it was.</b> He didn’t mean the play to be a glorification of love. In fact, he meant it to be the opposite: a big flashing neon sign blinking KEEP OUT, with police tape around it saying DO NOT CROSS.</p></blockquote><p id="8b7f">This passage from “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck” fits this topic perfectly.</p><p id="1c5f">Especially in movies, books, and music, the idea of the soulmate is romanticized again and again. To be honest, it’s indeed a beautiful fantasy of finding the one person we are destined to be with and living happily ever after with him or her.</p><p id="c87c">Let’s say you believe in this idea very strongly. You also think that you have found your soulmate. However, he or she is not interested in you.</p><p id="704b">Pretty bad, isn’t it?</p><ul><li>What are you doing now?</li><li>Does your life still have any meaning at all?</li><li>Will you become her stalker and try to force her “luck”?</li></ul><h1 id="7d17">The Soulmate Myth Can Be Deadly</h1><p id="ffc9">The well-known novel “Die Leiden Des Jungen Werther” (The Sorrows of Young Werther) by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe is a good example of the <b>fatal consequences that romanticizing the soulmate might have. </b> I can say this much in advance: it has literally killed people.</p><p id="d78f">The story is an epistolary novel in which a young man named Werther recounts his unhappy love affair with Lotte, who is engaged to another man <b>until Werther finally kills himself in despair</b>.</p><p id="41ad">If Werther had not believed that Lotte was the one and only for him, he probably would not have killed himself. With his novel, Goethe thus further spread the soulmate myth. With disastrous consequences.</p><h2 id="5d44">After the novel was published, there was a veritable wave of suicides by men unhappily in love imitating Werther.</h2><p id="4896">Crazy, isn’t it?</p><figure id="a70f"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*U_RSBNZ94gg2LAOZ"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@benwhitephotography?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Ben White</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h1 id="e31c">Believing In Your Soulmate Complicates Your Life</h1><p id="3fb2">The motivation to write this article is a good friend of mine. His girlfriend recently broke up with him. He was devastated. He kept saying things like: “I will never find someone like her again” or “she was the one”.</p><p id="e68e">His deep belief in her being his soulmate has put him in a deep hole and made it much harder to get over the breakup.</p><p id="e1ff">I think this fantasy of a person who is perfect for you makes it also harder to be happy in a relationship. You will probably compare your actual relationship to the relationship with your soulmate that you always imagined. But the reality is that there will always be problems and that the person with whom you are 100 percent compatible probably do

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esn’t exist.</p><h1 id="2276">Summary:</h1><p id="af3e">I think that the belief that there is a person that we are destined to be with is neither realistic nor good for us.</p><p id="65dd">Nevertheless, I believe in real love, and of course and wish every one of you that you find someone with whom you have a connection that feels like you have actually found your soulmate.</p><p id="adc9">However, if your last relationship didn’t work out, you should realize that there are probably many people out there who are a good fit for you and with whom you can be happy.</p><p id="7a9b"><b>All of this was just my personal opinion and it is perfectly acceptable for you to have a different opinion. Whether there are actually soulmates or not can not be answered scientifically, I guess.</b></p><p id="a26c">Thanks for reading!</p><p id="0582"><b>Wait a second.</b> Y<i>ou should get my articles in your inbox. <a href="https://medium.com/subscribe/@whitep"><b>Subscribe here.</b> </a>Maybe you also want to start writing on Medium yourself and make money. I made $2300 in my second month! You only need a membership for$ 5 a month. If you sign up<a href="https://medium.com/@whitep/membership"> <b>with my link</b></a>, you support me with a part of your fee without additional costs.</i></p><p id="6a5e">I think you will also like these articles:</p><div id="4b3c" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-the-modern-lifestyle-f-cks-our-health-c150e58b9e2f"> <div> <div> <h2>How The Modern Lifestyle F*cks Our Health.</h2> <div><h3>These numbers are shocking</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*-He1YKH8hC9tsHv9)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="30b3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-top-7-things-that-turn-women-off-9ffeaac84cf6"> <div> <div> <h2>The Top 7 Things That Turn Women Off</h2> <div><h3>Stop doing these, guys!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*cCOkInHZm6Cbj2PK)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="221a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/meditation-literally-changes-your-brain-329b3b7f46f4"> <div> <div> <h2>Meditation Literally Changes Your Brain</h2> <div><h3>This is insane!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*-Va5qitSnfvLEIZx)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

When Romantic Love Literally Killed Men In Rows

Caution, dangerous!

According to a poll, 73% of Americans believe that there is one person meant for every one of us. Our soulmate.

I don’t really believe in it. At least not in the sense that there is just one person we can be happy with. You can find out why this thought can even be dangerous in this article.

The One vs. The One

To calm down the romantics among you a bit, I want to explain why I criticize the soulmate myth.

I definitely believe in true love, I just think it’s a bit naive to assume that there is only one person who is meant for us and with whom we can be happy. In that sense, I think “The One” is nonsense and can even be very dangerous as I will explain later.

Rather, I think that in the course of our lives we meet only a limited number of potential partners, some of whom fit us and some of whom fit us not so much. Logically, there is also that one person who is the best fit of those we meet. This somewhat more realistic definition of “The One” makes more sense to me.

Let’s Do The Math

We meet about 80,000 people in our lifetime. At least that’s the number I’ve come across several times in my research. Let’s assume that’s about right. That’s a whole 0.001 percent of the world’s population.

So if there really was the one person that we are destined to be with, the statistical chances of finding them would be very low.

If you are sure you have found your soulmate, you might want to try playing the lottery. Luck seems to be on your side.

The Idea Of The Soulmate Can Even Be Extremely Dangerous

Romeo and Juliet is synonymous with “romantic love” in our culture today. It is seen as the love story in English-speaking culture, an emotional ideal to live up to. Yet when you really get down to what happens in the story, these kids are absolutely out of their fucking minds. And they just killed themselves to prove it! It’s suspected by many scholars that Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet not to celebrate romance, but rather to satirize it, to show how absolutely nutty it was. He didn’t mean the play to be a glorification of love. In fact, he meant it to be the opposite: a big flashing neon sign blinking KEEP OUT, with police tape around it saying DO NOT CROSS.

This passage from “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck” fits this topic perfectly.

Especially in movies, books, and music, the idea of the soulmate is romanticized again and again. To be honest, it’s indeed a beautiful fantasy of finding the one person we are destined to be with and living happily ever after with him or her.

Let’s say you believe in this idea very strongly. You also think that you have found your soulmate. However, he or she is not interested in you.

Pretty bad, isn’t it?

What are you doing now?
Does your life still have any meaning at all?
Will you become her stalker and try to force her “luck”?

The Soulmate Myth Can Be Deadly

The well-known novel “Die Leiden Des Jungen Werther” (The Sorrows of Young Werther) by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe is a good example of the fatal consequences that romanticizing the soulmate might have. I can say this much in advance: it has literally killed people.

The story is an epistolary novel in which a young man named Werther recounts his unhappy love affair with Lotte, who is engaged to another man until Werther finally kills himself in despair.

If Werther had not believed that Lotte was the one and only for him, he probably would not have killed himself. With his novel, Goethe thus further spread the soulmate myth. With disastrous consequences.

After the novel was published, there was a veritable wave of suicides by men unhappily in love imitating Werther.

Crazy, isn’t it?

Believing In Your Soulmate Complicates Your Life

The motivation to write this article is a good friend of mine. His girlfriend recently broke up with him. He was devastated. He kept saying things like: “I will never find someone like her again” or “she was the one”.

His deep belief in her being his soulmate has put him in a deep hole and made it much harder to get over the breakup.

I think this fantasy of a person who is perfect for you makes it also harder to be happy in a relationship. You will probably compare your actual relationship to the relationship with your soulmate that you always imagined. But the reality is that there will always be problems and that the person with whom you are 100 percent compatible probably doesn’t exist.

Summary:

I think that the belief that there is a person that we are destined to be with is neither realistic nor good for us.

Nevertheless, I believe in real love, and of course and wish every one of you that you find someone with whom you have a connection that feels like you have actually found your soulmate.

However, if your last relationship didn’t work out, you should realize that there are probably many people out there who are a good fit for you and with whom you can be happy.

All of this was just my personal opinion and it is perfectly acceptable for you to have a different opinion. Whether there are actually soulmates or not can not be answered scientifically, I guess.

Thanks for reading!

Wait a second. You should get my articles in your inbox. Subscribe here. Maybe you also want to start writing on Medium yourself and make money. I made $2300 in my second month! You only need a membership for $5 a month. If you sign up with my link, you support me with a part of your fee without additional costs.